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"Mama" original song


livemusic

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I hope you fine people will let me know if you like this song. I have recorded dozens of songs here in Nashville in this recording project, my first 'official' album. I am trying to figure out if this song is a great song or not. If you think there is something 'wrong' with it, that's okay, I need honest opinions! I have an enviable problem -- it's so hard to choose songs!

 

This will be an Americana record. Genre/styles all over the map. From folk to rock to country.

 

Thanks for even your brief comments!

 

EDIT: I need to know if you think it's 'okay' for a middle age man to say this in a song. Or, is it overly sentimental? Remember... honest opinions!

 

https://soundcloud.com/bill-pittman/mama-not-final-mix-not

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Hey livemusic! I like the song. What is of 'notice' to me however,is , I want to hear another verse....or two....before you go into the 'Mama" chorus. I think that carrying the 'verse' portion of the song a little longer would let the chorus resolve itself more 'naturally'....at least to my 'feeling' anyway!

My suggestion is to write a few more verses.

...and Yes, I think that it is perfectly Okay for a grown man to pay tribute to his Mama in song [thumbup]

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Fine song, stretch the ending a bit more. Raising a family is stressful - that lyric sounds too contorted, how about " raising a family ain't easy" , I had to listen twice to the line about hats, it fits, I think. Love the fiddle. Keep grinding 'em out, these are good. Middle aged men singing about mama is okay by me.

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Musically it was ok, if unadventurous and to be honest, run-of-the-mill. There is very good playing, well produced, etc. The words made me cringe. It's all so pedestrian and formulaic, like you had a school assignment to write a song about your unsung, heroic mom and this was it. I don't get the sense that what you are saying is a deeply felt thing but rather that you are checking all the boxes. You asked for honest.

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I need to know if you think it's 'okay' for a middle age man to say this in a song. Or, is it overly sentimental? Remember... honest opinions!

 

Of course it's okay to sing about momma in a country song. In fact, David Alan Coe says it's required that you sing about momma in a perfect country song (of course you'll have to add trains, trucks, prison, and getting drunk, too).

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sco_eBvXGTQ

 

(He explains the perfect country song at 3:06.)

 

I think you've got the structure down very well. Most importantly you repeat the chorus three times which is required so the listeners will remember it (and hopefully buy it).

 

Like duluthdan I stumbled over the word "stressful." You might want to change it. And, also as dulthdan said, the outro needs expanding.

 

Look forward to hearing more.

 

FMA

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Production A+. Vocals and instruments A+ too. I think it is great - better than anything I could ever pull off...

 

I do get Jerry's {blunt} sentiment that the song is very apple pie though...

 

I feel that when the song is over I know nothing about your mom over any other's mom. I tend to like songs that are tortured, or that tell a story through adversity, or through a situation. This song just says real nice things about mama.

 

Having said all that you are aces for taking the time to express a song about your mom - I have no doubt she is special. But wouldn't it be great if there was some more personal stuff in the song? Like how about when she bailed you out of jail? Or how she went with you when you had to put your dog down, and she wouldn't cry in front of you to be an anchor for you guys, or how knowingly she kept quiet and made you your favorite pie when your divorce was final, or....

 

Heck the stories I am coming up with are weird, but no doubt she must have displayed some great qualities in so many stories through time.... Get a story in there.

 

Great song nonetheless and thanks for sharing it. I wish I had your skills.

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I agree with most of the comments. Things I'd like to add.

The music although good is at one level from beggining to end. Follow the old Chuck Berry formula and start of basic and simple, maybe just one guitar then add each instrument as the song progresses. Musically there's no climax.

The background singing is strange to me. I can't tell how many's singing with you or if you're using a chorus on your voice. Find one nice female voice that will harmonize with you, not just sing along. This is not a sing along song. See if Emmylou is available.

Finally, this is 100x better than anything I could do. I'm a better critic than performer. Good luck with it.

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I waited to listen so I could be focused. The melody is great - perfect for the subject. And I agree with Dave F's observation on building up the instrumentation.I personally would hold off with the slide guitar solo, albeit short, even though this is "Americana". I'm sort of thinking a "Mama" song should be more basic in terms of instruments. No drums for example. The lyrics were very good, especially the verses. I was not bowled over by the chorus. Repetition of words, even 'Mama' can get old. And having the last measure go up on all three notes didn't float my boat.

I do not think the subject is age inappropriate. I think you need to consider this song as possibly not being the centerpiece of an album, but one which helps tell your potential buying audience - "This is who I am."

And, I am one of those "Everybody's a critic" types. Also, not anywhere close to your level. I like the song, hope you keep it.

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I have no idea of what will be in your album, aside from the info you supplied. However, if it is primarily rock and country that wants to be "rock," then I would guess that this song will be the one that people will talk about and remember. This song is different from rock or even the newer country stuff. If you're playing the George Jones and Cash kinds of country, then this song fits the groove. This song does what I think you're trying to do: tell us about "mama." I think it does that. For myself, I think the dobro slide is ideal for this kind of song. It's the kind of song you play on the front porch.

 

Also, there's no problem with a middle-aged guy writing about his mom. I'm 66 and all I write about is mom, grandma, grandpa, dad, dogs, neighbors, and other people/things from my past. I believe for it to come-across as real that we've got to write what we know and what we feel a bond with. Just my opinion. Doesn't necessarily make me right and someone else wrong.

 

I also agree that this song should not be a centerpiece for a rock/country album. It may be the best song on the album, but I don't know that it fits the theme of your album. Again, I know very little about your album, BUT, I do like this song and its message.

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