capmaster Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 It's a bit hard for me to talk about it, but since about four years I suffer increasing troubles when singing the lyrics I created. Since I started writing songs in the early 1980s, I always have been a straight-from-the-heart guy. For nearly thirty years I have been fine with singing though. I don't know if it was rather repression or something like professionality, but I was always able to control my breath. Whyever, it doesn't seem to work anymore. Tears running down my face and dropping onto guitar or pedal board are not a real problem - this also happened before. What troubles me is the unpredictable sobbing I developed. As soon as it occurs, it is completely fouling up my vocal performance. Intonation, rhythm, dynamic expression, everything is out of control. :( Interestingly I'm fine with singing only. So I don't have any problems with vocal overdubs. As soon as I play an instrument same time, all is lost. I play on automatically as if nothing happened, but I can't carry on singing. I know I need to cool down a bit, I try to, but then it happens again. What shall I do? Any experiences or suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
'Scales Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 avoid Dm at all costs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cougar Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 avoid Dm at all costs! Well, unless the next change is to B-flat major. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capmaster Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 Chords meaning increased danger do this mainly through the words along with them. Even b7/11 and e7/9 are not risky as such since I use them in other songs without problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Get the emotional bit out and (temporarily) over with by repeatedly singing through the song. Which words or lines are triggering it? Figure that out and go over them again and again. In fact what you are experiencing is in many ways a wonderful thing, although I have little doubt that the emotion you feel has as much to do with other things in your life as whatever you have written about. You cannot change the past. But we are and always must be the products of our past so it is a very powerful influence which can take a long time to come to terms with, which we must eventually do in order to see clearly and move forward. And it is far too easy to get caught up in it and be unable to find your way back to what is actually going on in the present. Let the emotions run then perhaps go out for a walk or a drive to reconnect with the external world a bit. My very best wishes. By all means PM me if you like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capmaster Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 Thank you for your post, Jdgm. You mentioned very good points, in both contemplating and practical contexts. I think I need to gain insights and hindsights by going through things and understanding their meaning. Perhaps there's a synopsis I'm not aware of at the moment. Minutes later it all can be completely different when doing another song which is either funny or about things which either cleared up or trigger just less cutting emotions. Another point is that it's just about performing. When listening to a track recording I did during rehearsal containing a passage which made me break down and cry, I'm all sound technician and reviewer without further emotional reaction. I freely admit that I'd prefer it the other way round, clean performance and empathy during listening. An upside of it all is that I'm much closer to joy and excitement, too. I seem to express all of my feelings more intense within small periods of time. Possibly I need that to free my soul. I'm not accustomed to living the moment. I always have been the kind of guy people describe as too rational, too serious, too controlled, although I always loved a good laugh. However, there are very few people who ever saw me cry, and I also did it rarely when I was alone. I seem to have an accumulated need to let it all out, even so much that it might take years to overcome. My situation is rather disappointing in any respect at the moment. I assume that fifteen bad years in a row are too many to stay calm and sensible. My most important wish is that my health will get better because much worse would be beyond survival. There are another two upsides though. I'm still alive ten years after a heart diagnosis which prophesized me only two or three years to live without a heart transplantation, and it is definitely clear that all of my problems are physical, not psychic. I'm extremely exhausted due to my heart problems, possibly caused by a bad tooth or Lyme disease which both could cause this, and I'm optimistic I will have this sorted out in the near future. The economical and personal problems due to my ever ongoing divorcement lawsuits might burden me more than I want to admit, so that's probably another point bringing me closer to my feelings. I'm over my ex-wife without doubt. The two of our children are of high interest for me, so I can't avoid contact with their mother completely, but what has to be, has to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvercrow Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Hi Capmaster- I'm not a psychologist, nor did I play one on T.V.....but I've experienced things in life, as many of us have, that have left me, for better or for worse, changed. Ten years ago something happened to me that caused me to just "loose it". Compared to the many emotionally crushing things in my life that I'd experienced previously, and apparently "came through", it was minor. And yet, it was sort of the "straw that broke the camel's back", so to speak. Three years ago I began to heal, but only after going down some very dark roads, including addiction, relapse, now finally lasting recovery. My counselor (P.C. way of saying Psychiatrist) helped me tremendously. In the beginning, after painstakingly relating my past without reservation, he told me this: "Some folks that have experienced things that were traumatic and emotionally devastating over long periods of time, have a sort of 'garage' in their minds. Every time something occurs that has emotional import, those persons put that situation or incident in the garage. Outwardly, these people seem very resilient and strong- apparently having an ability to 'rise above' almost anything life throws at them. But then one day, that person opens up the garage door to throw something in, and everything comes spilling out; there is no more room in that garage. The only thing left to do is to begin cleaning out the garage; putting things that need keeping in their proper place, throwing some things out altogether. Then wholeness can be gained and true healing can take place". I'm certainly not in any position to be your counselor, but consider that something similar to this may be happening to you. By your own statement, you've always been a "level" guy (my words) and have only recently begun to experience the things you are speaking of. My second career revolves around helping people begin "recovery" after the devestation of addiction and mental health issues. I'll keep you in my prayers and if you'd ever like to talk- my PM is always "open"! Blessings, Brian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelly campbell Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 I can see that happening to me, I am an emotional guy especially in certain songs that me and my brothers really liked. I lost two brothers and my father all before the age of 55, one brother at 47. So I think when I would learn specific songs and try to sing and play them I would not be able to...Oh well I am not a performer anyway so it would never really matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RowdyMoon Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Lets not forget the " age " factor...sorry Cap I have no idea of your age I can only speak for myself but I have found that now that I am older ( 50 ) I have become more reflective of life, more sentimental as it were....things that I would have said " who gives a sh!t ' or " lame " 25years ago I now have a different outlook on...I don't feel any weeker or less a man because of it cause I would still bust out somebodies teeth if they screwed with me ( maybe just the drunkin Irish blood in me perhaps..lol)....just a thought and my 2 cents of course.... .....Thats the power of music! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4Hayden Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Get a grip on your soul son , play some chords abd chill out by the camp fire 4H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RevDavidLee Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Brother Cap - lots of good advice here from some great and caring people. As I've gotten older I too find myself getting more sentimental like a lot of the folks here and everywhere else for that matter. And the loss of my Mom, my brother & my Dad have all taken quite a toll on me. Parents you expect to lose before you die but not a sibling. That has taken the worse toll on me. Bobbie died 10 years ago and there are still songs that he and I and the band used to perform that I still cannot sing or perform to this day. Too emotional. And while sometimes music can be emotional and painful as you have experienced - it can also be your lifeline and lift you up. I truly believe that without my music I would have died many years ago. It's not a hobby for me - it is a way of life. It "literally" is oxygen to me - I couldn't live without it. When you live long enough and perform and write music for this many years it is forever an intregal part of you and perhaps the best way of venting and expressing yourself than any other form of communication. Loss, grief, separation, love, joy, rapture etc have been the root of some of the greatest music ever created and I hope, with some more time - this can work for you in a more joyful and meaningful way for you too. I will join with others here in expressing my availability to you any time you need to reach out. No I cannot solve all that troubles you my friend - and you already know that - but I am a very good listener. Holler anytime & take care of you! There's only one of you brother and we wouldn't trade you for nothing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvercrow Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Reading this string affirms, for me, that this is a great forum to be part of! Brian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capmaster Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 While reading all those empathic posts, I cried tears of relief. Thank you all so much for your kindness. I appreciate it oh so well. Tomorrow I have an appointment at an oral surgeon. Given the source of my health problems is beneath my teeth, I hope he will sort that out soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
'Scales Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 good vibes to you capman - hope your surgeon nails that sucker and the healing can begin in earnest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rct Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 You guys have a great form of Champagne in Germany. Drink some. More. It'll make you happy. Good luck Cap, remember the immortal words of the guy in Coldplay but in the Willie Nelson version: Nobody said it was easy Nobody said it would be so hard rct Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capmaster Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 I took another glass of orange juice now. Thus inspired, I extended the quoted chord sequence: avoid Dm at all costs! Well, unless the next change is to B-flat major. ... Gm / C4 - C - C7 / F Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tman Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Best to you Capmaster. I think it is healthy to express yourself in the ways you are doing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fretplay Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 On the positive side I find it most heat warming to hear a song with so much feeling put into it. I find songs today are performed with such lack of soul. I for one would love to see one of your performances and the tears would only enhance it. However I do understand in must be inconvenient. As we get older our emotions change and what bothered you in your 20s doesn't in later life and visversa. As I have got older I have found it more difficult to play in public and even playing with friends now is difficult. I was advised by a member here to take Propranolol it is used by musicians,people speaking in public or before a driving test and even surgeons us it. I would suggest you ask your doctor, you will be amazed how many people suffer from these kind of things and there could be an easy answer. Go Well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saturn Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Well Cap, there's been a lot of good comments. I can't really give you anything better than what's been said. I can give you my empathy and encouragement in getting through it. Thinking about it on a more general scale. This is just one of "little" things that separates truly professional musicians/singers from us hobbyists and weekend warriors. They've learned how to deal with all kinds of challenges when performing beyond just the notes and chords that they are playing/singing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Songwriting, art, creating with and out of our experiences can be a painful and cathartic process. If it works, a song is produced which expresses or somehow reflects the emotional intensity of its creation, relieves or releases these emotions in the writer, and hits home to the listener. The guitarist Ralph Towner once remarked that knowing which ideas are worth pursuing in order to turn into a composition, is one of the most important factors in the process. What are you trying to say and what emotion are you conveying? Or much simpler - is this the blues? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelly campbell Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 I agree that age plays a huge part in this and I am now the oldest living male member of my immediate family so it really does make me more reflective and sentimental. Glad to read some of these and to know that it is not just me in having so many sentimental feelings..Sunday was the 5 year anniversary of my older brother dying of cancer and he was my life long best friend..I still find it very hard not to get emotional in certain situation especially going to the cemetary and seeing both my older brothers and fathers head stones. I wish it were limited to that but it goes much wider in the scope of things that set me off..sometimes it get a little tough if there is others around who do not know what is going on...You know you try to fight it off and act like there is nothing wrong... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capmaster Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 ... "Some folks that have experienced things that were traumatic and emotionally devastating over long periods of time, have a sort of 'garage' in their minds. Every time something occurs that has emotional import, those persons put that situation or incident in the garage. Outwardly, these people seem very resilient and strong- apparently having an ability to 'rise above' almost anything life throws at them. But then one day, that person opens up the garage door to throw something in, and everything comes spilling out; there is no more room in that garage. The only thing left to do is to begin cleaning out the garage; putting things that need keeping in their proper place, throwing some things out altogether. Then wholeness can be gained and true healing can take place". ... ... You know you try to fight it off and act like there is nothing wrong... In a retrospective, repression seems to be the more of a problem for me the more emotions I had fought off and accumulated in the back of my mind. Maybe now the time has come for the cleanup, and I have to go through it all. In my belief I unwittingly adopted the repression mechanisms from my late Mother. Over the years I found out that people are more empathic and sympathetic than I thought and than she had educated me to believe. This came to me as a big relief because fighting off feelings and pretending to be an untouchable one is lots more stressing for me than being just myself. This thread is one of the most enlightening, edifying experiences I ever had. I heartily thank you all for your sincere and valuable contributions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fretplay Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 The Rev David Lee put it so well. We have a built in gene to deal with the death of a parent but not a sibling or a partner. Emotions are a way of the body releasing what it can no long handle. It is a natural thing. After reading your thread I though about the last time I cried and I will share it with you. When Phil Everly died last year it was part of my early teens that died too although I had forgotten the Everlys long ago. I decided to record their song So Sad and knocked it down quite quickly but I was stuck with a guitar outro.I kept going back to it but it never seemed to come right.Then late one night I picked up the guitar and a melody appeared from no ware. As I reached the final bar I knew I had a rap and to my surprise a tear fell from my eye. You are going through a difficult time in your life but it will pass. You will develop a new relationship with your ex wife not as partners but a parents together. Time will heal. A wish you well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L8_4thesh0w Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 I suspect that for many of us, music is the only way to access or express certain emotions. It can magnify, simplify, mystify or clarify. It can confine and liberate. It is a universal language which speaks differently to each of us. Be glad you are making music that affects. Odds are that others will feel it too. Years ago when I studied at college there was an art exhibit and one piece in particular struck me. The assignment was to represent one's past. This piece consisted of dozens of baby food jars with trinkets inside but, what got me was there was no common thread linking the whole together. Having aged a great deal since then, I think I understand it more clearly. We all compartmentalize and, opening one or two at a time is usually no big deal. Brian's relating of the garage analogy really nails it. It can be like opening floodgates and being washed away. I have had some of these brief moments myself. I have some as yet incomplete things in the works that will probably provoke reactions in me similar to those you have had. You cannot have a better tool for coping! Press on, brother Cap! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Autumn Light&Shade Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 This past week I have been dealing with bittersweet emotions. My partner died over 4 years ago. It's only now that I feel ready to let go and move on with my life. You see what I did was, I stored all his clothes and belongings in the attic, all packed up neatly and labeled. I thought that by putting these items away everything was okay. But the emotions have been festering. I know over 4 years is a long time, but it's only recently that I feel I'm in the right place emotionally and mentally to face up to the fact that my partner isn't coming back. At one point I went through a denial phase. So I decided it was time to sort out his belongings. It was very upsetting, all the mixed emotions going from remembering the happy fun times to the sudden reality he's gone. The rollercoaster of emotions caught me out several times and at one point I did have a chuckle, it suddenly dawned on me that I was playing a game of giant tetris in the attic. But I ploughed through completing what I set out to do, yes I physically I ache, hardly stand straight but at the same time it's like a huge weight has been lifted. I've also cleared alot of my stuff out and furniture. To many reminders. I've ordered new furniture which is being delivered this Saturday. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that sometimes no matter how hard it is, bottling up your emotions and pretending everything is fine, eventually you have to face up to, confront things in order to move on, or it becomes a constant emotional loop that grinds you down and you become stagnant with life. I have a loving family and friends.This forum has also played a big part, kick started my guitar playing and there are many great people here, with great advice and experience not just guitar and music wise. I am blessed Emma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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