Reaching out for advice

[Lars68]

I posted a new song of mine maybe three weeks ago, and I got some good advice that I wanted to try. Between life and everything else, today was the first time I could really work at it since first writing the song.

 

I changed the key by capoing up one fret (to get my singing better in tune). I also added a new verse, changed the order of the old ones, and added a little break. The last thing I tried was to add a few spoken lines at the end that I wanted in the song but could not get to fit.

 

As with my previous attempts (I have done two songs before this one), I struggle with the singing. When attempting a song as serious as this one, being out of tune really destroys much of the mood I am aiming for. I wish I could sing better, but I guess it will come if I keep at it.

 

Let me know what you think, and what I can improve on besides singing.

 

https://soundcloud.com/lars1968/29th-of-september-ver-2

 

Thanks as always

Lars

[kidblast]

Hey Lars,

 

I think your voice is unique, (everyone's of course is) I can hear some Dylan influence in the way you are approaching this. It fits the mood I think you're going for.

 

Also I think a song like this, everything is quite subtle. So that your not pushing your diaphram much is natural, by comparison when I'm singing, I push quite a bit of air around,, even if it's a slow ballad, just the way I sing. I don't think you're off key, my first thought would be to try and see how you're breathing is. making sure you've got plenty of wind as you end a verse, etc..

 

I also think the mix could benefit a bit by bringing the acoustic guitar up a little bit to blend more with the vocals.

[Lars68]

kidblast, thanks for the advice. I have never really given breathing much thought. I will be more conscious about it in my next attempt. I wanted the singing to be intimate with an almost whispering-like feeling. That in combination with a lack of confidence in my vocals could be making it worse.

 

I sing and play into one mic, all at once. So I can't change the mix. I could, however, try a louder guitar or simply play a little harder.

 

Again, thanks for the input. I have a very hard time hearing my own songs, and at the same time get a grip on the good or the bad. It is too close to home, I guess.

 

Lars

[Smurfbird]

Nothing wrong with this recording whatsoever. The mood is very close to some of Will Oldham's more solemn work. Are you familiar with Will? He's recorded as Palace Brothers, Palace, Bonnie 'Prince' Billy and Will Oldham. Will's voice is known for its unique approach and much of his best music is solitary. I can't think offhand of the Oldham track this compares to. But you clearly have the talent to succeed in the Americana-indie scene.

 

John Lennon didn't like his voice. Most people are super-sensitive about their voice. But a good engineer/producer will force you to accept an honest take over a perfect one.

[Lars68]

Smurfbird, thanks for the kind words! I am somewhat familiar with Will Oldham. I have one of his albums. "I See A Darkness" which I like a lot. I will try to find a few more to check out.

 

My song is extremely personal and I want to try my hardest to make it as close as possible to what I hear in my head. I appreciate the feedback so far.

 

Lars

[carranoj25]

Hey Lars, Im not much of a guitar player yet but i can sing pretty well naturally. Your voice is fine and take my advice with a grain of salt because we can't tell what you hear in your head. But definitely practice breathing exercises because it sounds you're a bit weak on that end. Good breathing skills are good for all around life activities not just singing haha. But practicing breathing will definitely give you better control and with better breathing youll have more energy to enunciate or output the tone you hear in your head into the air if that makes sense. Hope that helps pal.

[Lars68]

Hey Lars, Im not much of a guitar player yet but i can sing pretty well naturally. Your voice is fine and take my advice with a grain of salt because we can't tell what you hear in your head. But definitely practice breathing exercises because it sounds you're a bit weak on that end. Good breathing skills are good for all around life activities not just singing haha. But practicing breathing will definitely give you better control and with better breathing youll have more energy to enunciate or output the tone you hear in your head into the air if that makes sense. Hope that helps pal.

 

Yes, I find it extra hard to sing soft and getting it right at the end of each pass. I am not singing freely. I hesitate because I'm not confident enough about what tone is going to come out :-)

 

Lars

[MorrisrownSal]

Lars, every effort is getting better and better. I agree about the breathing... But this is just a nice job. Well done.

[Lars68]

Thanks Sal! Yes I do think I am improving, although frustratingly slow. I now wish I had started with music at a much younger age. Starting to write songs at the age of 47 is fun but very difficult. I have also always had a weak spot for songs with a certain seriousness and touch of sadness. When now trying to do stuff in that style myself, it becomes even more crucial to get it right. Otherwise the whole thing just falls flat. It is a very different thing from going for a novelty songs, sung with a voice like Donald Duck, ha ha :-)

 

Lars

[Red 333]

Lars,

 

Some of the most enduring singers aren't those with the best pitch or most pleasant tone, but those who communicate best and dramatize the lyric best. I think you're a natural in that regard.

 

Red 333

[Lars68]

Thanks Red. Yes, personally I would rather listen to Bob Dylan than Frank Sinatra. One of my all time favorite singers is Jay Farrar (from Son Volt). His voice sounds ancient, in an almost old testament kind of way. I like that!

 

 

Lars

[Hogeye]

Thanks Red. Yes, personally I would rather listen to Bob Dylan than Frank Sinatra. One of my all time favorite singers is Jay Farrar (from Son Volt). His voice sounds ancient, in an almost old testament kind of way. I like that!

 

 

Lars

I liked it a bunch and would think that listening to Leonard Cohen and his approach to vocals would help give you ideas for phrasing. This would be a great song for him to do as well. Thanks and keep writing and singing.

[Lars68]

I have only heard a couple of Leonard Cohen songs on the radio. I'll check him out too, along with some Will Oldham.

I would also like to take the opportunity to point out how you guys always manage to give me renewed energy when struggling with my songs/performances. Thanks for that!

 

Lars

[Murph]

I love that style, and feel.

 

[BluesKing777]

I liked it a bunch and would think that listening to Leonard Cohen and his approach to vocals would help give you ideas for phrasing. This would be a great song for him to do as well. Thanks and keep writing and singing.

 

 

 

That is a great suggestion from Hogeye.....hard to put a finger on it, but I think Cohen would listen to your song, think about it for a year, come back with a version more "ethereal" with the speed reduced to one quarter, the guitar arranged to just a few strums here and there with the capo way up the neck so the vocal can actually go way Down and more range above. Then work out a solo with strums like you play now, stop for the next line of the vocal.......etc

 

 

Experiment!

 

 

BluesKing777.

[Lars68]

I love that style, and feel.

 

 

Thanks a lot!

 

Lars

[Lars68]

That is a great suggestion from Hogeye.....hard to put a finger on it, but I think Cohen would listen to your song, think about it for a year, come back with a version more "ethereal" with the speed reduced to one quarter, the guitar arranged to just a few strums here and there with the capo way up the neck so the vocal can actually go way Down and more range above. Then work out a solo with strums like you play now, stop for the next line of the vocal.......etc

 

 

Experiment!

 

 

BluesKing777.

 

BK, thanks for your input. I'm going to check out Cohen for sure and see what kind of inspiration it will give. Are you also saying above that my song would benefit of being more in his style, with perhaps also more variation?

 

Lars

[Priority Four]

I would consider recording the guitar on its own track and then do a vocal track. You may find it easier to just sing. It's obvious that you connect emotionally with the song and that means we all can as well. Nice work

[Hogeye]

Go to You-tube and check out Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah". You will find a brother. Check out his breathing. It takes a lot of wind to produce such clear low notes and he is a master. You ain't so bad yourself. Just remember he has the benefit of a Hammond B-3 and three wonderful back up chicks. Makes a big difference. Try to isolate on just his vocal and you will be pleasantly surprised.

[Lars68]

I hope I don't bore you to death, but here is another attempt. I really think this is an improvement compared to the version in the first post of this thread. I really work hard at this, but don't trust my ear.

 

https://soundcloud.com/lars1968/29th-of-september-latest-try

 

I hope my amateur attempts can inspire other beginners out there to also start posting songs.This is a very supportive community.

 

I have been listening to some Leonard Cohen today. Inspirational stuff!

 

Lars

[Hogeye]

I hope I don't bore you to death, but here is another attempt. I really think this is an improvement compared to the version in the first post of this thread. I really work hard at this, but don't trust my ear.

 

https://soundcloud.com/lars1968/29th-of-september-latest-try

 

I hope my amateur attempts can inspire other beginners out there to also start posting songs.This is a very supportive community.

 

I have been listening to some Leonard Cohen today. Inspirational stuff!

 

Lars

 

I think that every time you sing it it will get better. Just don't lose the original magic. Part of the charm is that it isn't slick and over produced. It's from the heart and that's what I like. I have a feeling that you have more to say so get busy on the next tune.

[E-minor7]

 

Strong stuff man - keep goin'