Lars68 Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 Hi friends, here is a new song I'm working on. I'm posting a very fresh, incomplete, first take because I always improve my songs from the feedback I receive here. With this one I wanted more of a "poetic" feel, and not so much the folk song vibe, as with my other songs. Not sure I managed that just yet, but I kind of like the feel/atmosphere so far. The song only has two verses, with no chorus. I think I like it that way. However, I'm not so happy with the lyrics for the second verse as of now, so in the recording below, I'm simply doing the lyrics of the first verse twice. The take is litterally me recording while writing the song, so please excuse bad timing, bummed strings, pitchy singing etc. https://soundcloud.com/lars1968/the-hour-glass What do you think? Worth spending more time on? Lars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avery Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 Hey Lars, thanks for sharing, I enjoy hearing your songs. Yes, I think this early draft definitely merits more time. It had some very nice qualities. My favorite parts were the opening and closing instrumental parts. I wonder if you could craft the melody around the notes or chords in those parts, or somehow incorporate it more in the verses since to me it seemed that the melody went in a different direction (nothing at all wrong with that, and I might be mistaken) and those instrumentals really set the mood for the song, more than the other parts. I am quite interested to see where you take this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted July 18, 2016 Author Share Posted July 18, 2016 Thanks Avery. I will work some more on the song to see what happens. The little intro is kind of in the same rythm as the rest of the melody, but otherwise it is very different, I wanted to start with something that could set the mood. At least it's a start... Lars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 the concept from what I heard is great, nice words, vocals are improving. this one has nice hook, it's a bit dark and I definitely like a bit of dark! I think you have something here Lars. You're coming along man. keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted July 18, 2016 Author Share Posted July 18, 2016 the concept from what I heard is great, nice words, vocals are improving. this one has nice hook, it's a bit dark and I definitely like a bit of dark! I think you have something here Lars. You're coming along man. keep it up. Thanks, I appreciate it. This was only my third attempt singing it. So I'm pretty confident I can get the singing in order once I practice it some more. Yes, my songs have a tendency for the dark. The music that speaks the most to me has always been the dark stuff. I went out and bought Springsteen's Nebraska when I was fourteen, and it has gone downhill since then... However, no need to worry about me. No suicidal tendencies. I'm doing just fine! Lars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted July 20, 2016 Author Share Posted July 20, 2016 I completed the words. I want them to read kind of like a poem. It is my first effort with interchanging rhyming lines. It was kind of hard to do, because I wanted all lines to fit with my idea. Do you think it works? the hour glass is broken and time falls to the floor too many words unspoken I'm trapped behind a closed door the sand won't pull back it covers all I've forsaken maybe its the effort I lack or the wrong road I've taken So throw away the maps and keys to where we are pack your bags boys, lets catch the Northern Star Our new town shall be unknown and our street without a name pure seeds will be sown for our love to remain I wanna make it up to you for the time lost between the most beautiful two boys I have ever seen So throw away the maps and keys to where we are pack your bags boys, lets catch the Northern Star Lars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 that works Lars.. it's good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EuroAussie Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Lars, i would like to offer you a suggestion. Rather than offering a song that is in very early stages and asking us to ignore the bad timing, bummed strings and pitch singing, as you say, why not work on it more and offer a song which doesnt have bad timing, bummed notes and pitchy singing ? I think the board wold be then be able to give you much more specific and focused feedback then the more general 'the songs has potential' (which i a agree) but its difficult to give concrete feedback when its still very patchy. I would rather you gave us your absolute best effort and then ask for constructive, focused feedback as that I think would give you most value. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avery Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Lars, I like these lyrics, I think they'll work great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted July 20, 2016 Author Share Posted July 20, 2016 Lars, i would like to offer you a suggestion. Rather than offering a song that is in very early stages and asking us to ignore the bad timing, bummed strings and pitch singing, as you say, why not work on it more and offer a song which doesnt have bad timing, bummed notes and pitchy singing ? I think the board wold be then be able to give you much more specific and focused feedback then the more general 'the songs has potential' (which i a agree) but its difficult to give concrete feedback when its still very patchy. I would rather you gave us your absolute best effort and then ask for constructive, focused feedback as that I think would give you most value. Oh well, I think the reason for me posting early versions is due to the fact that I'm extremely insecure about my own abilities. I sometimes think I might be on to something, and then in the next moment, I think what I'm doing is complete garbage But, point taken, and best effort coming up...might take a while, though... Lars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EuroAussie Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Oh well, I think the reason for me posting early versions is due to the fact that I'm extremely insecure about my own abilities. I sometimes think I might be on to something, and then in the next moment, I think what I'm doing is complete garbage But thats the whole point why to post your best effort Lars, so that you can have a better chance of receiving positive feedback and grow your confidence then compared with presenting a weaker effort - wouldnt that make sense ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blindboygrunt Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 It's your insecurity that's holding back the progress in the singing Have you tried with two or three beers ? I'm not saying that you should turn to alcohol , but nothing makes a singer wobble and have trouble more than nervousness and insecurity Relax before you record it , focus and basically remind yourself of how fantastic you are. It's no surprise that singers have a reputation for a big ego , it's a necessity sometimes A mask is how some people have described it. Put your inner mask on ... Have a beer ... If you worry about the note coming up it won't help things .... There's a saying that 'they may not say I was a great singer , but at least they won't be able to say I didn't' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blindboygrunt Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Oh , and maybe do a cover for us ? It's hard to know how to offer criticism when we don't know what the song is meant to sound like ... If that makes sense Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buc McMaster Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 I think the reason for me posting early versions is due to the fact that I'm extremely insecure about my own abilities. That begs the question: why would you post less than your best effort if that is the case? I admire your persistence, but posting incomplete, half-baked attempts will not serve to bolster your insecurities on an acoustic guitar forum. There are songwriter forums where such efforts are the norm, where writers of varying skill levels share ideas, incomplete lyrics, songs, etc. and offer help and suggestions for improvement. Don't particularly enjoy raining on anyone's parade but I do believe your desire to compose and efforts to improve would be better served on a songwriter's forum. I sincerely hope you take this in the spirit intended, Lars..........not seeking to chop you off at the knees, rather point you in a direction that could offer you some real help with your writing. Peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwalker201 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Oh well, I think the reason for me posting early versions is due to the fact that I'm extremely insecure about my own abilities. I sometimes think I might be on to something, and then in the next moment, I think what I'm doing is complete garbage But, point taken, and best effort coming up...might take a while, though... Lars Lars, we all have our insecurities about our abilities. You have a really nice talent for being able to pen words to a song. Maybe your trying to hard to sing and make it perfect. I don't know if that makes sense, but just take a deep relaxing breath and let it rip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avery Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Lars, just to comment on the lyrics, I really like the second-to-last stanza and the whole theme of rebuilding anew. I admire your talents at writing, especially in your non-native language. It's quite impressive. And I'm genuinely looking forward to see where you take this. Grunt and Keith both give some excellent advice that all singers could use. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Lars, I understand the insecure feeling entirely, I kind of think that a persons singing voice (IMO only) is one of those things where some people, well God just touched something inside them, and they just have it. Me, not so much!! I have to work on it. Inhibitions are usually my biggest wall... When I forget about those, (it's all in the head) I'm better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwalker201 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Inhibitions are usually my biggest wall... When I forget about those, (it's all in the head) I'm better. well said brother Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted July 20, 2016 Author Share Posted July 20, 2016 Thanks for the input everyone! When I said I was insecure about my abilities, I was thinking about my abilities to write a decent song, not necessarily about my abilities to sing them. However, all pointers above how to get past singing insecurities, do very much apply. Buc, you are probably right that a songwriting forum could serve me better. However, there are not enough hours in a day to keep up with two forums. I love the people and atmosphere here too much to leave, so I think I'll stick around, take my chances, and learn as much as I can. I will, however, make sure that the next song I post will be done with every effort I can muster. Might stll be a stinker, through... Lars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EuroAussie Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Thanks for the input everyone! When I said I was insecure about my abilities, I was thinking about my abilities to write a decent song, not necessarily about my abilities to sing them. However, all pointers above how to get past singing insecurities, do very much apply. Buc, you are probably right that a songwriting forum could serve me better. However, there are not enough hours in a day to keep up with two forums. I love the people and atmosphere here too much to leave, so I think I'll stick around, take my chances, and learn as much as I can. I will, however, make sure that the next song I post will be done with every effort I can muster. Might stll be a stinker, through... Lars This is a great, free songwriting course from berklee. Its a weekly ongoing tutorial, and Pat is really great in thinking about lyric writing, delivery, phrasing ... its all free. https://www.coursera.org/learn/songwriting-lyrics Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted July 20, 2016 Author Share Posted July 20, 2016 This is a great, free songwriting course from berklee. Its a weekly ongoing tutorial, and Pat is really great in thinking about lyric writing, delivery, phrasing ... its all free. https://www.coursera.org/learn/songwriting-lyrics Many thanks! Lars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted July 21, 2016 Author Share Posted July 21, 2016 Well, I had a day off today and really, REALLY, worked hard on this song (by the way, I changed a few words, and also the title). It's by no means flawless, but it is the best I can do as of now, without cutting and pasting the best parts from several attempts. It has kind of an eerie feel to it that I like a lot. https://soundcloud.com/lars1968/northern-star-2 Lars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EuroAussie Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 Well, I had a day off today and really, REALLY, worked hard on this song (by the way, I changed a few words, and also the title). It's by no means flawless, but it is the best I can do as of now, without cutting and pasting the best parts from several attempts. It has kind of an eerie feel to it that I like a lot. Lars Yes, definitely stronger Lars, signficant improvement. Your vocals are much stronger, there is more of a thread going through the song, and i really like a lot that opening melody, its haunting, and tasty selection of note choice. Keep on playing it and experimenting, your vocals will continue to improve and you might find other ideas to include and pieces of inspiration. Now you just need to add a full horn section, choir and synth to make it big, big, big, like the Icelandish Viking chant from the Euros. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avery Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Yeah, I agree with EA, vocals are much improved. I like the overall mood you've created with the melody and the guitar part especially. It matches well with the lyrics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted July 24, 2016 Author Share Posted July 24, 2016 Yeah, I agree with EA, vocals are much improved. I like the overall mood you've created with the melody and the guitar part especially. It matches well with the lyrics. Thanks a bunch! Like I said, it is by no means flawless, but it'll do for now. I will keep working on it, like I always do, to see if I can improve it a little more. I'm kind of proud of the lyrics, which I think are my best so far. They are kind of personal and mean a great deal to me. Lars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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