Murph Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 A woman was walking down the street. Without warning, she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner. The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?” “No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless woman replied. “Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” the woman asked. “No, I don’t waste time shopping,” the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.” “Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” the woman asked. “Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done In 20 years!” “Well,” said the woman, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.” The homeless woman was astounded. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.” The woman replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murph Posted August 17, 2017 Author Share Posted August 17, 2017 What did the hoarse say when it fell down ? Help me, I've fallen and I can't giddy up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murph Posted August 17, 2017 Author Share Posted August 17, 2017 A well known Doctor was giving a speech to a large crowd about healthy eating. He explained... "The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.” “Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High trans-fat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it." The doctor paused dramatically. The audience became hushed and most of them leaned forward with rapt anticipation. “Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said... "Wedding Cake." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murph Posted August 17, 2017 Author Share Posted August 17, 2017 The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gearbasher Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee! As I'm getting older, I'm experiencing the best part more and more every night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldCowboy Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 As I'm getting older, I'm experiencing the best part more and more every night. Many of us know that simple joy, though few will likely admit it😨 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fortyearspickn Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 1502965393[/url]' post='1875607']What did the hoarse say when it fell down ? Help me, I've fallen and I can't giddy up. WHOA !!That's lame.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorrisrownSal Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Well done Ben Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murph Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 Well done Ben I'm just f'n sick of it. You used to escape it here, but I guess the decision was made, again, to let it go. I may need a hiatus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blindboygrunt Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 I'm just f'n sick of it. You used to escape it here, but I guess the decision was made, again, to let it go. I may need a hiatus. Escape what ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theflyingturtle Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 A woman was walking down the street. Without warning, she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner. The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?” “No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless woman replied. “Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” the woman asked. “No, I don’t waste time shopping,” the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.” “Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” the woman asked. “Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done In 20 years!” “Well,” said the woman, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.” The homeless woman was astounded. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.” The woman replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.” You got me hook, line, and sinker. That is some genius comedy right there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BluesKing777 Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 A woman was walking down the street. Without warning, she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner. The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?” “No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless woman replied. “Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” the woman asked. “No, I don’t waste time shopping,” the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.” “Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” the woman asked. “Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done In 20 years!” “Well,” said the woman, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.” The homeless woman was astounded. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.” The woman replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.” More Murph! Don't go away. I copied it to the Boss and she was hysterical and sent it to her friends. BluesKing777. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blindboygrunt Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 More Murph! Don't go away. I copied it to the Boss and she was hysterical and sent it to her friends. BluesKing777. I did the same Well ,my wife not BK's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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