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It Hurts When I Do This "Well don't do that then." LOL

#1 User is offline   drathbun 

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Posted 16 April 2018 - 02:27 PM

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Discuss.
Beware of Doug

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2018 Taylor GS Mini Walnut
2017 Gibson Hummingbird Limited Edition 12 string
2014 Godin Multiac Classical
2013 Martin 000-28vs 12 fret
2012 Gibson "The Golden Age 1930's" SJ200
2012 Squier Vintage Modified 70's Jazz Bass
2010 Gretsch Electromatic G5122DC
2004 Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster
1981 Rickenbacker 320JG
1968 Yamaha FG150 Red Label
My Soundclick Music Page

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#2 User is offline   kidblast 

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Posted 17 April 2018 - 06:40 AM

#-o
/Ray
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#3 User is offline   fortyearspickn 

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Posted 17 April 2018 - 07:03 AM

"Doctor, will I be able to play guitar after my surgery?"
"Yes, of course."
"That's funny - I couldn't play before."
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#4 User is offline   drathbun 

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Posted 17 April 2018 - 02:15 PM

View Postfortyearspickn, on 17 April 2018 - 07:03 AM, said:

"Doctor, will I be able to play guitar after my surgery?"
"Yes, of course."
"That's funny - I couldn't play before."


[biggrin] [biggrin] [biggrin]
Beware of Doug

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2018 Taylor GS Mini Walnut
2017 Gibson Hummingbird Limited Edition 12 string
2014 Godin Multiac Classical
2013 Martin 000-28vs 12 fret
2012 Gibson "The Golden Age 1930's" SJ200
2012 Squier Vintage Modified 70's Jazz Bass
2010 Gretsch Electromatic G5122DC
2004 Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster
1981 Rickenbacker 320JG
1968 Yamaha FG150 Red Label
My Soundclick Music Page

My YouTube Channel
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#5 User is offline   zombywoof 

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Posted 17 April 2018 - 02:20 PM

Whenever I would play a guitar at my favorite little Mom & Pop store and get some fret buzz or something here or there the owner would always say "just don't play there." Then again, every time we haggled over price you just knew one of the two of us would eventually come out with "your killing me."

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This post has been edited by zombywoof: 17 April 2018 - 02:21 PM

__________________________________________________


"I play so rough - I stomp 'em"
Bukka White
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#6 User is offline   Murph 

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Posted 17 April 2018 - 04:53 PM

It took me many decades to learn to quit beating my head against walls.

However, I still do it from time to time. Going with the flow goes against my grain.
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#7 User is offline   62burst 

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Posted 10 February 2019 - 09:31 AM

View PostMurph, on 17 April 2018 - 04:53 PM, said:

It took me many decades to learn to quit beating my head against walls.

However, I still do it from time to time. Going with the flow goes against my grain.

Why do you hit your head against the wall?


"Because it feels SO good when I stop."

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#8 User is offline   MissouriPicker 

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Posted 10 February 2019 - 10:47 AM

The Sound of Silence and the Yogi-ism "nobody goes there anymore, because it's too crowded."
Website: https://soundcloud.com/you/tracks
YouTube Channel http://www.youtube.c...er?feature=mhee
http://www.reverbnat...om/larrygarrett

Gibsons J45TV, Hummingbird, Dove, Southern Jumbo Mystic, Advanced Jumbo Rosewood
Advanced Jumbo Koa, J100 Walnut
Alvarez MFA66CE Masterworks OM/Folk
Martin X Series 2016 D12X1AE Dreadnought 12-String
Regal 1944 Parlor Guitar
LAG Nylon Stringed
Oahu 1941 Squareneck Parlor Guitar
Yamaha YPG-535MM Keyboard
and a herd of ukes, banjos, strumsticks, harmonicas and dulcimers,
making me a "jack of all trades and master of none."
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#9 User is offline   scriv58 

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Posted 10 February 2019 - 11:11 AM

I arrived on the mountaintop and found the holy man. After I played a song for the Sage, he said "if you keep picking that thing it will never heal".
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#10 User is online   Lars68 

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Posted 10 February 2019 - 12:04 PM

I plan to start smoking, just so I can give it up,, save money and buy a new guitar.

Lars
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#11 User is offline   drathbun 

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Posted 10 February 2019 - 03:29 PM

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Beware of Doug

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2018 Taylor GS Mini Walnut
2017 Gibson Hummingbird Limited Edition 12 string
2014 Godin Multiac Classical
2013 Martin 000-28vs 12 fret
2012 Gibson "The Golden Age 1930's" SJ200
2012 Squier Vintage Modified 70's Jazz Bass
2010 Gretsch Electromatic G5122DC
2004 Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster
1981 Rickenbacker 320JG
1968 Yamaha FG150 Red Label
My Soundclick Music Page

My YouTube Channel
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#12 User is offline   ThemisSal 

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Posted 10 February 2019 - 03:36 PM


Little Johnny jokes are the best.

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess"

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"

"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit. He had to crash land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't **** with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."


1

#13 User is offline   MissouriPicker 

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Posted 10 February 2019 - 05:47 PM

Good one, Sal!!!!!!!!!!! Reminds me of all the Johnny Meathead jokes we used to tell in high school....Johnny was a wild weed who enjoyed shocking the teacher. [thumbup] [thumbup]
Website: https://soundcloud.com/you/tracks
YouTube Channel http://www.youtube.c...er?feature=mhee
http://www.reverbnat...om/larrygarrett

Gibsons J45TV, Hummingbird, Dove, Southern Jumbo Mystic, Advanced Jumbo Rosewood
Advanced Jumbo Koa, J100 Walnut
Alvarez MFA66CE Masterworks OM/Folk
Martin X Series 2016 D12X1AE Dreadnought 12-String
Regal 1944 Parlor Guitar
LAG Nylon Stringed
Oahu 1941 Squareneck Parlor Guitar
Yamaha YPG-535MM Keyboard
and a herd of ukes, banjos, strumsticks, harmonicas and dulcimers,
making me a "jack of all trades and master of none."
0

#14 User is offline   Murph 

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Posted 11 February 2019 - 05:33 AM

I've learned two important lessons in life.

I don't remember the first one, but the second one is that I need to start writing stuff down.
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#15 User is offline   Murph 

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Posted 11 February 2019 - 05:43 AM

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring
day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of
his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a donkey lying dead in the middle of his
front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.
Ann's Catholic Church. There's a donkey lying dead in me front lawn
and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of
the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and
recognising the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun
with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my
impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a moment.......

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are
also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."
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#16 User is offline   Murph 

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Posted 11 February 2019 - 06:00 AM

A thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at knife-point asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money.
The man started sobbing and said, “You can take anything you want. You can kill me. But please untie the rope and free her.”
Thief: “You must really love your wife!”
Man: “No, but she will be home shortly”.
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#17 User is offline   drathbun 

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Posted 12 February 2019 - 02:43 PM

View PostMurph, on 11 February 2019 - 06:00 AM, said:

A thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at knife-point asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money.
The man started sobbing and said, “You can take anything you want. You can kill me. But please untie the rope and free her.”
Thief: “You must really love your wife!”
Man: “No, but she will be home shortly”.


[lol] [lol] [lol]

A man's wife called out to him from the bathroom that she was stuck on the toilet. He went into the bathroom and found her naked, stuck on a cracked toilet seat. He tried everything to free her but every move he made, made it worse. So he called the fire department. "OMG get me something to wear before they come in!" she screamed. He got one of his shirts and put it around her and grabbed his cowboy hat and laid it in her lap.

The fireman came in and examined the situation, carefully looking around the seat of the toilet and her predicament. "Well" he finally said, "she's going to be just fine, but I'm afraid the cowboy is a gonner!"
Beware of Doug

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2018 Taylor GS Mini Walnut
2017 Gibson Hummingbird Limited Edition 12 string
2014 Godin Multiac Classical
2013 Martin 000-28vs 12 fret
2012 Gibson "The Golden Age 1930's" SJ200
2012 Squier Vintage Modified 70's Jazz Bass
2010 Gretsch Electromatic G5122DC
2004 Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster
1981 Rickenbacker 320JG
1968 Yamaha FG150 Red Label
My Soundclick Music Page

My YouTube Channel
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