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Hotel room song finished

#1 User is online   Lars68 

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Posted 01 October 2018 - 11:41 PM

I recently posted about a song I wrote while staying at a hotel, when away with work. I have now added some guitar parts and done a simple recording. Here is the finished song.
https://soundcloud.c...ackraste-av-bla

Lyrics translated from Swedish below (very rough... but all the meaning is there):

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL OF BLUE

Verse 1
Close your eyes, the most beautiful of blue
Put your head down on the pillow
and drift off to dreamers' land

I caress your hair, no monsters will come tonight
Sleep peacefully
and go chase the pirates' treasure

Chorus 1
You you you are my blood
You you are my everything
You you you are my blood
You you you you are my everything

Verse 2
Five cold winters, and four springs now since you came
In ten more trips around the sun
will you then still want me to sing you this song?

Have we drawn all the maps you'll need
when that day comes
and you'll go search your four-leaf-clover?

Chorus 2

Verse 3
I hope you'll find someone to walk
like sunshine beside you
when the darkness falls

It's already been written. Your dream leads you from me
But follow it to the end of the line
and let no bastards steal it from you.

Chorus 3

Repeat verse 1 first half


Lars

This post has been edited by Lars68: 01 October 2018 - 11:51 PM

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#2 User is offline   PatriotsBiker 

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Posted 02 October 2018 - 07:19 PM

Very nicely done, Lars! The vocal presence is spot on and the guitar and vocals are very well performed. [thumbup]
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#3 User is offline   billroy 

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Posted 03 October 2018 - 06:42 AM

Nice job Lars! A great composition, well played, vocals sounded good, balanced - nice.
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#4 User is online   Lars68 

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Posted 03 October 2018 - 03:20 PM

Thanks guys, I appreciate the listen. I hope the Swedish lyrics didn't sound all too strange to you. I know it is impossible for you to tell, given my poor translation, but these are by far my best set of lyrics. They are personal and mean a lot to me. I hope the kids can relate one day...maybe when they get kids of their own...

Lars
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#5 User is online   Lars68 

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Posted 07 October 2018 - 06:57 AM

I added some more instruments to my original version. I think it really helped create air and atmosphere in the song. The added guitar is a tiny, tiny 1938 Kalamazoo 3/4 Sport with Nashville tuned strings. I like it together with the standard guitar. The fake strings are played live on my iPad.

Do you think it works?

https://soundcloud.c...ackraste-av-bla

Lars

This post has been edited by Lars68: 07 October 2018 - 08:06 AM

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#6 User is offline   PatriotsBiker 

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Posted 08 October 2018 - 05:16 AM

I like the strings. Nice amounts overall. I do wonder if they would be better staged. (eg - Introduced after 1st chorus, volume/presence increased and decreased as song goes on, ramping up to peak where you consider the peak to be.
2018 - Gibson SJ-200 Standard
2018 - Gibson Hummingbird Standard
2015 - Taylor 614CE
2013 - Gibson Les Paul Traditional Pro(59)
2014 - Epiphone Black Royale P93
2015 - Epiphone ES335 Custom
2005 - Epiphone Les Paul Custom (MIK)
2008 - Fender Tele (MIM) - Modded to Keefocaster
2011 - Fender USA Strat Standard
2012 - Fender USA Telecaster
2009 - PRS SE Paul Allender
2007 - Gretsch 5120 Electromatic
2016 - Fender Jazz Bass (MIM)
Fender Blues Deluxe Reissue
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#7 User is offline   EuroAussie 

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Posted 08 October 2018 - 07:44 AM

View PostLars68, on 07 October 2018 - 06:57 AM, said:

I added some more instruments to my original version. I think it really helped create air and atmosphere in the song. The added guitar is a tiny, tiny 1938 Kalamazoo 3/4 Sport with Nashville tuned strings. I like it together with the standard guitar. The fake strings are played live on my iPad.

Do you think it works?

https://soundcloud.c...ackraste-av-bla

Lars


Youre getting so much better in many respects Lars. The pitch is way way better, voice deeper and more charcter, song construction getting stronger, but still a bit montonous. How could you give the song a bit more dynamics, variety to keep the listener hooked though the whole song ?
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The Big Fat Lady 02' Gibson J-150
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The Pickers 43' Gibson LG-2, 09' Furch OM 32SM (custom) , 02' Martin J-40
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What we do on weekends:
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#8 User is online   Lars68 

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Posted 08 October 2018 - 09:40 AM

View PostEuroAussie, on 08 October 2018 - 07:44 AM, said:

Youre getting so much better in many respects Lars. The pitch is way way better, voice deeper and more charcter, song construction getting stronger, but still a bit montonous. How could you give the song a bit more dynamics, variety to keep the listener hooked though the whole song ?


Glad to hear things are moving ahead. I totally agree that there is a lack of dynamics. Of course it becomes even more so for non-Swedish speaking listeners, since there is no storyline or emotional content attached to the words themselves. I wish I could use my voice to add dynamics, but I'm not at that point yet. I'm just happy to be able to stay sort of on pitch for a full song. To be honest, a year ago I didn't think I had it in me. Instead now the dynamics need to get there through the song structure, guitar playing, arrangement and the mix. I'm kind of learning all of these things at once as I go along. I actually have plans to let a friend sing backup and play piano for this song. If I mix that well, it might give some of the dynamics needed.

EA, you have been around the forum long enough to remember my early attempts at songwriting and singing. I was flat out horrible!! I can hear that now, when listening to those early recordings. So if I can listen back to songs like the one in this thread a few years from now, and find that I think it too sounds equally horrible, I'll be very happy, because it would mean that I'm probably at the point where I want to be [biggrin] I have to fight to do some things musically that others find completely natural, but I do enjoy every bit of it. On the positive side of things, relative to the effort it takes me to perform my songs, the songs themselves come to me without much effort. If I spend five hours writing a song, I probably spend fifty hours trying to sing it right [biggrin]

Lars
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#9 User is offline   EuroAussie 

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Posted 08 October 2018 - 10:16 AM

You definitely improved on the vocal front for sure Lars, although i was thinking more of dynamics in terms of the guitar playing, strumming volume, strumming style variation, full strums vs part strums, bass / treble accenciation ... i guess the stuff you can do with your right hand.
___________________________

The Big Fat Lady 02' Gibson J-150
The Squares 11' Hummingbird TV, 08' Dove
The Slopey 11' Gibson SJ (Aaron Lewis),
The Pickers 43' Gibson LG-2, 09' Furch OM 32SM (custom) , 02' Martin J-40
The Beater 99' Cort Earth 100
The Lonely Electric: 95' Les Paul

What we do on weekends:
http://www.reverbnat...oubleshotprague
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#10 User is online   Lars68 

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Posted 17 October 2018 - 01:52 AM

My musically talented neighbor, who helps with my music from time to time, added some vocals and organ to my song. Makes a world of difference. I mixed the song so the instruments come in one by one as the song progresses. Still learning this mixing thing, not so easy. How do you think it turned out?

https://soundcloud.c...kraste-av-bla-1

Lars
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#11 User is offline   EuroAussie 

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Posted 18 October 2018 - 09:22 AM

View PostLars68, on 17 October 2018 - 01:52 AM, said:

My musically talented neighbor, who helps with my music from time to time, added some vocals and organ to my song. Makes a world of difference. I mixed the song so the instruments come in one by one as the song progresses. Still learning this mixing thing, not so easy. How do you think it turned out?

https://soundcloud.c...kraste-av-bla-1

Lars


The female vocals definitely help for sure Lars, created more colour, interest and the organ solo was a great touch - keeps the listener interested acoss the whole track. Well done !
___________________________

The Big Fat Lady 02' Gibson J-150
The Squares 11' Hummingbird TV, 08' Dove
The Slopey 11' Gibson SJ (Aaron Lewis),
The Pickers 43' Gibson LG-2, 09' Furch OM 32SM (custom) , 02' Martin J-40
The Beater 99' Cort Earth 100
The Lonely Electric: 95' Les Paul

What we do on weekends:
http://www.reverbnat...oubleshotprague
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#12 User is online   Lars68 

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Posted 18 October 2018 - 12:09 PM

View PostEuroAussie, on 18 October 2018 - 09:22 AM, said:

The female vocals definitely help for sure Lars, created more colour, interest and the organ solo was a great touch - keeps the listener interested acoss the whole track. Well done !


Thanks!

Before recording, we also played and sang the song together, as she practiced. That was a real musical high for me. Playing one of my songs with someone else, and hearing them enjoy it. The whole really can be greater than the sum of the parts.

Lars
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