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Guitar joke someone sent me......lol


onewilyfool

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A guitarist won $10,000,000 in the state lottery. When he showed up to collect his winnings, an excited reporter rushed over to him, shoved a microphone in his face and asked, "What are your plans for the future?" The guitarist rubbed his chin and thought for a minute then answered, "I guess I'll keep gigging until the money runs out!"

 

What's the difference between a guitarist and a certificate of deposit? The certificate of deposit will eventually mature and make money.

 

How do you improve the aerodynamics of a professional musician's car? Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof!

 

Uncle Buck

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The 14 year old Ellie-Mae type daughter ran up to her father who was rocking in his porch rocker.....

 

"Paw, I jest came from town and there's a bunch o' them musicians headed this way on foot."

 

"Daughter, y'all better put on somethin' a little less revealin', or better yet, get in the house 'til they go by."

 

"Okay, Paw. Oh, y'know what else? One o' them fellers is totin' a BANJO."

 

"Gawd almighty, better bring the dog inside too!"

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Two "Deadheads" die and when they arrive at the pearly gates they ask Saint Peter if Jerry Garcia is there. Saint Peter replies: "I'm sorry to inform you but, with the life Jerry Garcia led, he was sent to that other place." So, the "Deadheads" told Saint Peter: "If Jerry ain't here, we can't be here." As they turned to walk away, they saw a man with long grey hair and a beard, wearing a white robe. He was sitting on a rock, strumming a guitar and singing "Sugaree". The "Deadheads" point him out to Saint Peter and said: "You lied! Who's that? Right over there." Saint Peter replied: "OH. Him. That's God. He just thinks he's Jerry Garcia."

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A guitar player with a lisp was asked if he had any nice bass runs to show the rest of the guys at a guitar jam. He replied, "Yes, I have thumb." (chika boom) Thank you I will be here all week.....

 

Ok, enough with the jokes, all you guitar players get the pluck out of here........

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Good ones!

 

Here's another:

 

Question: What's the difference between a guitarist and a large pizza?

 

Answer: The large pizza can feed a family of four.

 

On a related note:

 

Q: How do you get a musician to come to your home?

 

A: Order Pizza.

 

We-el-l-l-l dogies! I liked the Ellie May joke a whole bunch. Nearly swallered my gum. I don't think I can tell that 'un at the Bluegrass jam though. It's a family affair. I will use the Drumsticks on the dash joke though.

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On a related note:

 

Q: How do you get a musician to come to your home?

 

A: Order Pizza.

 

We-el-l-l-l dogies! I liked the Ellie May joke a whole bunch. Nearly swallered my gum. I don't think I can tell that 'un at the Bluegrass jam though. It's a family affair. I will use the Drumsticks on the dash joke though.

 

And how do you get the musician off of your front porch?

 

Pay for the pizza.

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