MorrisrownSal Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 What do you think guys? Would you change the phrasing or melody? Does it flow? I'd like to make it better. Once I get the melody worked out I'll add some other instruments and fix the pitchiness. https://soundcloud.com/sal-from-chatham/pick-me-up Edited... oh and this is my Southern Jumbo TV. And I am fingerpicking and not using a pick - which is different for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EuroAussie Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 I ilke it Sal, has a good feel to it, like the way it flows. The laid back nature works well with your voice, and I like how you use interesting chord choices, the little twists and turns that give the track identity. Two areas I thought that came to mind that could perhaps be enhaced would be additional strumming dynamics, to bring more contrast and charater, I feel you strum as with the same volume through out. And I thought maybe the chorus part 'pick me up' cold be a bit stronger, but Im not sure exaclty how at this point ..... Overall, excellent effort, I reckon a lot of it is there, keep it up ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duluthdan Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 I'm a big proponent of getting rid of extraneous words in songs - I think it helps with the flow. For instance, at around 2:30 the lyric is "than the others" you don't need the word "the" in there. Not many of these jumped out to me on the first listen, and they usually do. I think this might sound pretty awesome with some rythym and one or two added instruments. I like the disonance in the transition from chorus to verse, very thoughtful song. Keep 'em coming ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blindboygrunt Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Sal.... Yer a star. Fair play to you Thanks for sharing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motherofpearl Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Nothing wrong with that sal sounds great!! Ole Jerry will chime in I'm sure let you know how the pros do it bahahaha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Del Nilppeznaf Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 good stuff Sal enjoyed that..nice easy listening..with some great lyrics.. you say it came to u over the weeked..well thats how it goes aint it when the master painter paints his masterpiece... some people think it was a work of inspried genius..when really its the many many years hes spent practicing his art..till he reaches the goal well done Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorrisrownSal Posted September 1, 2013 Author Share Posted September 1, 2013 Thanks fellas. Dan I will go back and tool around with the lyrics. I like your critique. And EA... Il try to vary the rhythm more. Do you think this is better finger picked or strummed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dchristo Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 sounds great Sal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuitarLight Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Very nice Sal...I enjoyed your song. Your heart was there. You have a nice voice which blends nicely with the soothing acoustic sounds. And perhaps most importantly, your voice reflects what I call "integrity." Look that word up or google it, for specific understanding of its depth and meaning. It is one of the greatest compliments that can be assigned to a performer in any field. And not everyone has it!.... "Integrity." You have that in this song! We as guitarist often assign great signifigance to how our guitars play and sound....but to a live audience, it is what you say as you sing, and the extent of its integrity, the message delivered in truth, that captures the heart of an audience. Nice job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rbpicker Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Mighty fine, Sal. Let us hear more. RB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave F Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Thanks fellas. Dan I will go back and tool around with the lyrics. I like your critique. And EA... Il try to vary the rhythm more. Do you think this is better finger picked or strummed? I think it sounds right with the strumming. I think the finger pickin' wouldn't fit the song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E-minor7 Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Mighty fine tune and performance - An original, , , but done in an original 'space' too. If this is your first you're very well off. I see Duluths point and the 'the' on 2:26 could be boiled out, but in big lines, let the song stand and live as it is. Especially because it's your first. I'm sure others will come. #2 will be different, #3 will create a row. 4 and 5 point towards the phenomenom repertoire. Couldn't be more exiting. You are 1 lucky guy, , , and this is the sacred #1 song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flatbaroque Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Excellent song.Like it strummed.No real criticism.I'd be pleased if I wrote that.Well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorrisrownSal Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 Thanks everyone. I will make some adjustments. Thanks for the help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EuroAussie Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Thanks fellas. Dan I will go back and tool around with the lyrics. I like your critique. And EA... Il try to vary the rhythm more. Do you think this is better finger picked or strummed? I would strum Sal, as it gives you more opportunity for dynamics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murph Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I think it sounds right with the strumming. I think the finger pickin' wouldn't fit the song. I'm with Dave. Sal, you have a great feel for a tune and your voice is very relaxing. You should record a full length project of originals, just you and a guitar. It's great driving music (as in driving a car on a trip) and also works well with a cup of coffee early in the morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorrisrownSal Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 Thanks Murph! Unfortunately they aint so easy to write. This one only took twenty years! The inspiration came from my little girl. I got rid of a syllable here and there. Hope this is better. I swapped out the old link for the new link https://soundcloud.com/sal-from-chatham/pick-me-up and I also added bass and drums on this link: https://soundcloud.com/sal-from-chatham/pick-me-up-1 Oh... and here are the lyrics: Pick Me Up Another sun comes and goes; I can’t escape the worries. A nagging in my soul, stems from battles of irrationalities. They say the peace for me is there, floating by on a gentle sun-kissed breeze. Cept when I reach out to touch it, that same old nagging… brings me to my knees. I see other people laughing; their cups are all filled up. I try and play along – hoping that they won’t look close-up. Won’t someone tell me their secret? Tell me how to laugh and play. Then I’ll try hard, I promise. To embrace the coming day. Pick me up Put me back together Wash the worry away Pick me up Put me back together Say the magic words and I will obey. Some days are better than the others. I guess today ain’t so bad. Keeping busy is the trick. No time to sit feeling sad. So don’t you go leaving I’m almost there you know. Don’t give up on me, You can dance me to tomorrow. Pick me up Put me back together Wash the worry away Pick me up Put me back together Say the magic words and I will obey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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