James Allen Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 OK guys. Need some advice. I am in a band full of exemplary musicians. Whenever i play lead the other guitar players and sometimes folks from the audience tell me how much they liked my lead work. I admit that I am not the caliber of player some of the other folks in the band. However, the bass player ALWAYS comes to me and says things like "you would be better if you would play the lead/solo like this" or he will say "if you would listen to our other 2 guitar players you might learn something." This band is successful and play big professional shows. However I sat in on a gig last weekend with a small band and had an absolute blast! We vibed in a way I have never with a group. They asked me to join their band. Keep in mind the bass player in my current band is the band leader and my brother. Advice on how to keep the family peace on this one? here is a vid of my current band: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 I would just ask him this question: "do I tell you how to play bass? would you like it if I did? Cuz I can if you want..." that should do it.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rct Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Like pickups, three guitar players is too many. If'n I was you, I'd be out of that band now. It isn't the military, it isn't prison, nobody needs anybody, brother or not, carping on them like that. Get out now, save your sanity and theirs. Remember that whatever you hear is only one quarter of what is actually going on with the other people in the band, just like any other social situation. Good luck with it. rct Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badbluesplayer Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 If it were me, I'd pursue both options as much as possible to see what is best for you. Being the #3 guitar is a pretty limiting position to be in, to say the least. If you can, maybe you can jam with the other guys and see what happens. If you feel like you have an obligation to your brother to do something, then that, in itself, may be a problem. You can't let family dynamics get in the way of your musical ambitions. But at the same time, you are obligated to your brother as far as family stuff goes. Tough situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bill Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Like pickups, three guitar players is too many. If'n I was you, I'd be out of that band now. It isn't the military, it isn't prison, nobody needs anybody, brother or not, carping on them like that. Get out now, save your sanity and theirs. Remember that whatever you hear is only one quarter of what is actually going on with the other people in the band, just like any other social situation. Good luck with it. rct I couldn't agree more. Three guitar players is way too much and have a tendency to pair of against the third. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surfpup Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 three guitar players is too many. Says the guy who loves The Outlaws! However, I do agree. Pursue this new band and see where it leads. Staying in a band just because the shows are big is not necessarily a recipe for happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Farnsbarns Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 My stock responses.... Do I come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up? Do I come to your workplace and tell you how to make tea? Do I come to your workplace and tell you how to [censored]? Get in that other band, don't look back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabs Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Can you do both? Look at one as work and one as fun and if the second band starts paying off.. Bonus!! :) There is no real right or wrong in art and music (as long as your playing in key ;)) just opinions... Whats that famous quote.. “You can please some of the people some of the time all of the people some of the time some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zigzag Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Brothers can be jerks. Move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 I couldn't agree more. Three guitar players is way too much and have a tendency to pair of against the third. I saw a band this weekend.. Three Bass Players,, (yes,,,,,, three.....) not jokin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Izzy Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Let not get hasty now... How long have you been in this band? How important is it to be in it for you (does it pay your bills or does it get you contacts or make it easy for you to be in-family)? It is getting on your nerves (clearly if you're posting) but you've put up with it for a while, why? I always see bands as family and relationships get messy. A new chick may be appealing because she's not nagging you (yet) and she's new and exciting, but is she worth leaving your wife for? There are ways to cope with the situation either by confronting or becoming a Zen monk or whatever, do you want/need to cope is the question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 ya know, after having replied already, I thought, well, there is another angle. Is he possibly right? (only you know this.) are the suggestions constructive? is it possible that these are critiques that in the end, will enhance what you're doing over all, is he making suggestions that make sense... or,,, is it nitpicking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Go with the new band. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Allen Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 Doesnt pay any bills, Izzy. All proceeds goto charity. That's the biggest reason I hang on. It feels really good to raise a bunch of money to help kids who are in need. I have known for awhile it was timeto strike out on my own. Just thought I'd feel out my fellow forumites. Thanks all for your thoughts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocketman Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 My twin brother was our bass player and that was very tough. We were very competitive and still are to a lesser degree; he has a Ph.D. in engineering like me (we both couldn't stand that one would have a lower degree than the other). Sometimes we would argue ON STAGE. Very childish, but we were very young; started playing gigs when we were 13 years old. One time I started to ad lib a song making fun of him in front of the entire crowd. We almost went to blows that night. As they say "you can choose your friends, but not your family." I would have left the band but we were in a Rush cover band and there weren't many bass players who could play Geddy Lee licks like my brother. It was rough but we made it. Don't know how you are with your brother, but if I would have said some of the comments stated here to my brother, he would have taken his Ric bass and hit me over the head with it! If you want to stay in the band then I suggest you take the high rode. Just politely ask him to please stop doing that because it hurts your feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosemarie Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 If it doesn't make you happy, why keep doing it? Isn't the definition of insanity repeating the same action over and over expecting a different result? Either talk to your brother about this if it bothers you and work it out or walk away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RevDavidLee Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 There's no clear response here. Where I come from nothing is more important than family. My older brother was my best friend on this earth and he was also my drummer from the time we were little until his unexpected death 8 years ago from a brain aneurysm. Our band was booked a year in advance at the time of his passing. We were close and our music kept us closer than a lot of brothers. I wouldn't trade those years and that music for anything. He was also a genuinely nice guy and very supportive to everyone in the band. I can't help you here. Follow your heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Izzy Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Doesnt pay any bills, Izzy. All proceeds goto charity. That's the biggest reason I hang on. It feels really good to raise a bunch of money to help kids who are in need. I have known for awhile it was timeto strike out on my own. Just thought I'd feel out my fellow forumites. Thanks all for your thoughts! That makes it easy, bro! If they CAN raise the $ without you then there is no compromise. If you were responsible for the influx I could see why you'd feel bad, but I doubt they NEED you seeing as they have two guitarists without you. Make yourself happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 OK, everyone else has pretty much nailed it so.......so assuming the role of 'Devil's Advocate' for the moment; Listening to other (good) guitarists' playing is hardly ever a waste of time. How much respect do you have for your brother's musical instinct? Ask him in which areas your brother thinks your playing could be improved by a different approach. You never know... VERY cool vid, BTW! P. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
btoth76 Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Hello! Depends on how exhausting Your brother's behaviour is to You. It can be a good thing: a force that keeps You performing at Your best, but on the other hand, well, it can drive one insane. I am not a pro, and have no such intentions at all, so I play for my own enjoyment. But once in a while I play with others, and these are the moments when I find out how much room is left for improvement. Feedback is a good thing, but not in form of a dictatum, He should listen to Your opinions as well. If Your brother is open to discuss musical ideas it is great, if not, find a band where You feel comfortable. Cheers... Bence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Izzy Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 OK, everyone else has pretty much nailed it so.......to assuming the role of 'Devil's Advocate' for the moment; Listening to other (good) guitarists' playing is hardly ever a waste of time. How much respect do you have for your brother's musical instinct? Ask him in which areas your brother thinks your playing could be improved by a different approach. You never know... VERY cool vid, BTW! P. I was just thinking, I went to jam with a guy today; he is a guitar teacher (and teaches theory and is a band director, so credible source) and he gave me a pointer without me asking for it and I was happy for it. Granted, he's not my brother and I'm not skilled, but I don't mind pointers at all. Try to alter my songs and I'll squirm, suggest a technique that may improve my playing and I'm docile as a lamb and open to whatever. I think 'cause he's the brother its a little extra annoying... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LT ED Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Simple, just go with whatever feels best.Never stay in a band that your not happy with because it will always turn to shite.Bands good or bad are ten a penny so just find another ,even better start your own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 My older brother was my best friend on this earth and he was also my drummer from the time we were little until his unexpected death 8 years ago from a brain aneurysm. Sad stuff there Rev, my brother inlaw passed at 36 from cancer in 96, we played in bands together for close to 15 years. he was like a kid brother to me, it's really hard to say good bye and carry on man.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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