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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

 

This made him ….. A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Lol!! Funny!!

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Rob and Rod...I count you both as my friends and I know that your interests intertwine. Can't we we just bury the hatchet...or to quote another

Rod(ney), "Can't we just all get along?

It's Christmas let's ALL take the time to wish our GG a Merry and Healthy one

 

You're a nice guy, Fred. I appreciate your Kissinger like efforts. Not interested. I have enough village idiots in my life. I don't need an on line version. Karen, if you read this, I'm sorry for your sh*tty luck. I hope it turns around. I always thought you were a great gal and I imagine you still are. Happy trails.

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Due to the current financial situation caused by the Government, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

 

 

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

 

 

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program ( Special Help After Forced Termination ).

 

 

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program ( System Covering Retired-Early Workers ).

 

 

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.

 

 

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS ( Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse ) or HERPES ( Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance ).

 

 

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.

 

 

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SH1T ( Special High Intensity Training ) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SH1T they give our citizens.

 

 

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SH1T, please bring this to the attention of your local navigator, who has been trained to give you all the SH1T you can handle.

 

 

Sincerely,

 

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives ( E.V.I.L .)

 

 

PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

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An Alaskan man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for “Bear Removers.” He calls the number, and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes.

 

The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van.

 

He has a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old dog.

 

"What are you going to do,” the homeowner asks.

 

“I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I’m going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the dog is trained to grab his private parts and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.”

 

He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner....

 

“What’s the shotgun for?” asks the homeowner.

 

“If the bear knocks me off the roof, you shoot the dog."

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An Alaskan man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers." He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.

 

The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van.

 

He has a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old dog.

 

"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks.

 

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the dog is trained to grab his private parts and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

 

He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner....

 

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

 

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, you shoot the dog."

 

Reminds me of the story about the two guys out deer hunting when they stumbled on a mother bear with her cub..... of course, she went into the protection mode and started after them.....one guy stopped to tie his shoe..... the other guy said, "Why are you doing that? You can't outrun that bear!" The guys says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you!"

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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

 

This made him ….. A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

 

that's funny Sal

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A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of pounds for dinner.

 

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten pounds and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

 

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

 

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

 

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

 

"Will you spend this on Gibson guitars instead of food?" the man asked.

 

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played guitar in 20 years!"

 

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

 

"What disease would I get for ten lousy pounds ?" exclaimed the homeless man.

 

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

 

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

 

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, guitars, and sex."

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Well...we did say we were going to keep this on page 1 until we here from her.

 

I did get a short message, she didn't tell me if she was in the hospital, but she did tell me that she has pneumonia and a peptic ulcer . Everyone should have good luck this year :cause she seems to have cornered the market on bad luck.

 

I think everyone should send her a personal email and wish her well, you can do that from her profile page.

 

Oh yeah..........Rob and Rod....keep up the good work

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Well...we did say we were going to keep this on page 1 until we here from her.

 

I did get a short message, she didn't tell me if she was in the hospital, but she did tell me that she has pneumonia and a peptic ulcer . Everyone should have good luck this year :cause she seems to have cornered the market on bad luck.

 

I think everyone should send her a personal email and wish her well, you can do that from her profile page.

 

Oh yeah..........Rob and Rod....keep up the good work

 

Believe me. Any of my ruckus is of no concern when people are in need or having hard times....For me personally, I apologise for any part of a thread de-railment by my rant...I have made a New Year resolution to stay away from political rants on this forum. It is not worth my time OR others discomfort for me to tell the truth.

Thanks for calling me out. I have my own Family problems as well as everyone else on the Forum may have. I really wish everyone the best. I don,t want to fuss and fight, even though I am provoked a lot by others. I will not be silenced by PC-type people however. I am sorry if that 'intercourse' developed amongst anothers' 'subject thread'....sincerely!

 

I wish Karen(Ggirl) good health and miss her input to the Forum....I should send a PM her way also,

 

Oh yeah, Never let them see you sweat!!!

 

Rod

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A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

 

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said:

 

"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

 

 

"My wife's."

 

 

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

 

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

 

 

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.

 

"Can I borrow the dog?"

 

 

The man replied, "Get in line."

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A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

 

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said:

 

"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

 

 

"My wife's."

 

 

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

 

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

 

 

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.

 

"Can I borrow the dog?"

 

 

The man replied, "Get in line."

 

 

WHAT RAMPANT SEXISM!

 

You should be ashamed of yourself Murph!

 

Why I'd take you outside and slap your face

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I wasn't laughing so much!

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Yeah, well I have some lady friends who have a roughly similar, but reverse, take on the subject. <grin>

 

And not necessarily without language somewhat more crudely handling the subject. And yeah, that got me chuckling out loud thinking about it.

 

m

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(bumping this)

 

Yes, all very funny stories indeed.

 

But any update or word from Karen?

 

Karen is still very sick with radiation pneumonitis, a result of her radiation treatments and still a bit down in the dumps, so to speak after the loss of her horse. Losing three in one year was a pretty big blow for a real cowgirl like GG.

She is getting better. Thanks to KC Daddy, Suburude, and all the others who have sent her words of encouragement. I'm sure that she'll be back when she's feeling better.

 

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Karen is still very sick with radiation pneumonitis, a result of her radiation treatments and still a bit down in the dumps, so to speak after the loss of her horse. Losing three in one year was a pretty big blow for a real cowgirl like GG.

She is getting better. Thanks to KC Daddy, Suburude, and all the others who have sent her words of encouragement. I'm sure that she'll be back when she's feeling better.

 

 

Thanks for the update Fred!! I hate it when people go through turmoil in life........especially GOOD people. eusa_pray.gif

 

OTOH, I could give a Sxht less about JG2..... [cool]

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Thanks for the update Fred!! I hate it when people go through turmoil in life........especially GOOD people. eusa_pray.gif

 

OTOH, I could give a Sxht less about JG2..... [cool]

Ah, there's the Rod we all know and, well..whatever (certainly not love). Off your meds again? All that contrition of a week or two ago was someone else at your keyboard, right? The "I'm sorries" and the "we all have family issues" and the "i don't mean any harm" song and dance. What a piece of work. Your internet privileges should be revoked. At least here, anyway. I know I'm sick of your act.

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Fred,

 

Thanks for keeping us posted. My thoughts are with Karen. My thanks are with you. You are a credit to the human species and we're beyond fortunate that you've joined us on this forum.

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Fred,

 

Thanks for keeping us posted. My thoughts are with Karen. My thanks are with you. You are a credit to the human species and we're beyond fortunate that you've joined us on this forum.

 

 

Fred is one of the good guys around here, whether online or in person.

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Living as I do in the land of the cowgirl - that artificial border is meaningless in that sense - I know a number of girls who have had somewhat similar circumstances. Their perseverance and character gave grace to their lives and examples to others regardless.

 

Karen's a cowgirl.

 

m

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Fred,

 

Thanks for keeping us posted. My thoughts are with Karen. My thanks are with you. You are a credit to the human species and we're beyond fortunate that you've joined us on this forum.

 

That is enough of that, and that goes for you as well Nick. I DO have a reputation to maintain !

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