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Dave F

Clichés

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I've been doing a lot of trading, selling and buying this past year and I just find most of the clichés very humorous and entertaining.

 

The main thing to remember is that your guitar has a lot of issues and they cannot give you much for it while theirs falls into one of the desirable categories below and demands top dollar.

 

Feel free to add some of you favorites so I can build up my list

 

Phrase/definition

 

A players guitar / A very vague term used as a disclaimer that the guitar has obvious visual defects and undisclosed structural problems

 

A bluegrass guitar / A guitar in need of a neck reset and it will serve you well if you do not plan on going above the third fret

 

This guitar used to belong to ...... / undocumented, uninteresting history that bears no value increase to the guitar. If it were a famous guitar I would not be standing in front of it.

 

 

 

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Blues Guitar - any small body P.O. S. guitar

 

Slide Guitar - any small body P.O.S. guitar that needs a neck reset.

 

 

My all time-favorite however, remains "its a canon!"

 

I just saw another one on another forum though that could be a real contender. The poster was comparing two of guitars made with different woods and basically commented that one of the woods sounded "woodier" than the other.

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A favorite cliche : It plays like butter. .

 

I mean it - really like it.

 

 

Accurate though if you have just eaten some popcorn or fried chicken. Always thought Greazy Frets would be a great name for a band.

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I've been doing a lot of trading, selling and buying this past year and I just find most of the clichés very humorous and entertaining.

 

The main thing to remember is that your guitar has a lot of issues and they cannot give you much for it while theirs falls into one of the desirable categories below and demands top dollar.

 

Feel free to add some of you favorites so I can build up my list

 

Phrase/definition

 

A players guitar / A very vague term used as a disclaimer that the guitar has obvious visual defects and undisclosed structural problems

 

A bluegrass guitar / A guitar in need of a neck reset and it will serve you well if you do not plan on going above the third fret

 

This guitar used to belong to ...... / undocumented, uninteresting history that bears no value increase to the guitar. If it were a famous guitar I would not be standing in front of it.

 

 

I hate when people use these terms in these ways. I sell guitars for a living, and I have to admit that I use SOME of these terms. but let me explain how i think they SHOULD be used:

 

 

player guitar: cosmetically rough. not for collectors, but structurally sound and fully functioning... in spite of how it looks.

 

bluegrass guitar: very loud with very strong bass and nice ring on the top end. big and ballsy for rhythm but single note runs ring out loud and true.

 

this guitar belonged to... : doesn't change price unless it's someone really special. it's cool to know the story behind a piece though.

 

tone monster: anyone using this phrase is full of it or clueless. it tells nothing about the sound in a real way.

 

canon: guilty as charged. loud and has tons of bass. but don't say it if it isn't true (this SHOULD be rule #1)

 

lots of mojo: mojo isn't scratches and dings. shouldn't be used that way. should be a rare term to describe real soul in a guitar. unfortunately this label gets tied to everything with scratches and screwed up damage.

 

blues guitar: should ACTUALLY be a blues guitar. small body and VERY responsive. versatile. good for fingers, good for a pick, and is not overly hi-fi. (read: Taylor)

 

slide guitar: yeah, the action is high. but the term shouldn't be used to hide the need for a neck reset. it should be used as, "this guitar will need a neck reset unless you only want to use it as a slide guitar"

 

woody: i have to defend this one. some guitars just don't have a tone that sounds like the wood body. you only hear the strings themselves and they sound thin and tinny.

 

it plays like butter: it really might be that smooth... but if someone says this, they are trying to pull a fast one on you. any guitar that is not in need of repairs such as a neck reset can be made to have low action and "play like butter" the height of the strings has nothing to do with the quality or price of a guitar unless it needs repairs. this is simply an adjustment. it's like judging the quality of clothes based on the size.

 

i've never changed the strings: well you probably haven't taken any other steps to make sure this guitar is well taken care of either!

 

unplayed: could mean it's just really clean and owned by someone that wasn't really a guitar player. it COULD also mean that it is such a dog that it wasn't worth anyone's time to play it. beware!

 

only played for an hour: see above

 

chocolatey: i have no idea what this is supposed to mean. run. run now.

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Craig's list favs:

"my loss, your gain" (Just sell the guitar already)

"rare" (When referring to a Korean made guitar...PLEASE….)

"minty" (sound hole smells fresh??)

"Best guitar I've ever played" (then why sell???)

"Price firm, must sell" (lol)

"lots of mojo" (i.e., trashed)

"perfect for slide" (needs neck reset)

"vintage" (anything before millennium)

"List price is…" (nobody pays list price, nobody plays MAP price……who are you fooling???)

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I once sold a guitar on ebay in which I made fun of many of these terms, it actually helped way beyond my imagination... I wrote something along the lines of "...I know I'm supposed to say it smells new, clean, mint etc.. but in all honesty it smells like the kind of woman you take your wedding ring off for and hope that you don't have a tan line once you've had a couple of drinks to loosen you up enough to approach such a homewrecker. You know you're going to use a fake name and you probably also know when you wake up your wallet's going to be gone and you might need to see a doc about that itch." and looks wise along the lines of "you can see by the pics in the listing that this guitar, if we have to compare to women yet again, is the sort of woman who's broken a few other ladies noses in a mud wrestling t&tty bar. Not even by accident but because she's a vicious cow with quite a mean streak"

 

I actually got quite a lot of contacts saying they laughed their heads off at the listing and the most bids I've ever had for a single sale. It sort of restored my faith to think there was other people out there who thought these chocolate, mint, player, canon, terms were as ridiculous as I did. I must admit when I see a listing with these in it, I'm not going to buy that guitar... they are not the sort of people I want to encourage.

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'Tone to the bone' and 'bounce to the ounce' are two Phil X type classics that never fail to make me smile.

 

'Plays like butter' instantly makes me imagine yellow grease oozing out of the back of the neck. That's hardly a mental image that encourages me to reach for the wallet.

 

Is it mandatory when listing any 70s Gibson, Martin or Fender on Ebay or Craigslist to include the sentence 'They made some real dogs in the 70s but there are diamonds too and this is a great one!' What happened to the bad ones? Did someone euthanase them all the day Ebay was launched? Speaking of Ebay porkies, it's well documented that Gibson recyled serial numbers in the 60s - so if a block of serial numbers can indicate '66 or '69, why is every one of those serial number guitars on Ebay as a '66, even when numerous features say '69? Er, and why do certain vintage dealers who 's business is to know better than this do the same thing?

 

Lastly, my personal bete noire is the classic 'This is probably the best guitar I ever played, but I just bought a D28 and the Gibson just isn't getting played.' So, realistically, at best it can only be the second best you ever played...

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Now you, sir, make me want to buy that guitar!

 

I once sold a guitar on ebay in which I made fun of many of these terms, it actually helped way beyond my imagination... I wrote something along the lines of "...I know I'm supposed to say it smells new, clean, mint etc.. but in all honesty it smells like the kind of woman you take your wedding ring off for and hope that you don't have a tan line once you've had a couple of drinks to loosen you up enough to approach such a homewrecker. You know you're going to use a fake name and you probably also know when you wake up your wallet's going to be gone and you might need to see a doc about that itch." and looks wise along the lines of "you can see by the pics in the listing that this guitar, if we have to compare to women yet again, is the sort of woman who's broken a few other ladies noses in a mud wrestling t&tty bar. Not even by accident but because she's a vicious cow with quite a mean streak"

 

I actually got quite a lot of contacts saying they laughed their heads off at the listing and the most bids I've ever had for a single sale. It sort of restored my faith to think there was other people out there who thought these chocolate, mint, player, canon, terms were as ridiculous as I did. I must admit when I see a listing with these in it, I'm not going to buy that guitar... they are not the sort of people I want to encourage.

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it plays like butter: it really might be that smooth... but if someone says this, they are trying to pull a fast one on you. any guitar that is not in need of repairs such as a neck reset can be made to have low action and "play like butter" the height of the strings has nothing to do with the quality or price of a guitar unless it needs repairs. this is simply an adjustment. it's like judging the quality of clothes based on the size.

 

Most of this is about 200% true. The part that falls short is "they are trying to pull a fast one on you." A remarkably high % of experienced players don't get this at all, and go around playing hundreds of guitars looking for the one that "feels right," when all they're doing is buying the one closest to their ideal set-up.

 

P

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blues guitar: should ACTUALLY be a blues guitar. small body and VERY responsive. versatile. good for fingers, good for a pick, and is not overly hi-fi. (read: Taylor)

 

Lightnin' might disagree with you there.... :)

post-63891-061369800 1397488717_thumb.jpg

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I'm surprised no one has pointed out the obvious difference between a guitar being a "canon", vs. the guitar being a "cannon". "Cannon" I sort of get, although it's just more BS. "Canon", on the other hand, is another thing altogether.....

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" Smoke free home"

 

[blink]

 

"Nearly new" " like new"

 

[huh]

 

"Never played" but they go on to say how it has a fast neck and great setup.

:---)

 

" guitar has never left the house"

 

No idea what that implies. Does he trash everything that does leave the house? Or is it chained up in the basement? [glare]

 

"My dream guitar" " rarely played"

#-o

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I'm surprised no one has pointed out the obvious difference between a guitar being a "canon", vs. the guitar being a "cannon". "Cannon" I sort of get, although it's just more BS. "Canon", on the other hand, is another thing altogether.....

 

Canon means it has a very focused sound.Has F stops for sound holes, and each note can be played between 1/1000s to 8s.

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Canon means it has a very focused sound.Has F stops for sound holes, and each note can be played between 1/1000s to 8s.

 

 

Sit down, take a deep breath, and have a drink, Alexander.

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I'm surprised no one has pointed out the obvious difference between a guitar being a "canon", vs. the guitar being a "cannon". "Cannon" I sort of get, although it's just more BS. "Canon", on the other hand, is another thing altogether.....

 

Guess you could say certain guitars are/were canons in certain musical circles, couldn't you. And that some of them are/were cannons too. .

 

 

 

Or am I totally off here. . .

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Its just plain entertaining all around...what did we do before the Internet?

 

 

I just love it when a real dope tries to sound intelligent with big words, but my absolute fave so far is the Non Smoking Guitar! How do you prove that, and why was the guitar smoking anyway?

 

 

BluesKing777.

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Its just plain entertaining all around...what did we do before the Internet?

 

 

I just love it when a real dope tries to sound intelligent with big words....

 

 

i heard the best one a few days ago! a guys was trying to sound more informed than he is. i wish people understood that it's ok to not know everything. asking the right questions and learning is great. anyway, after trying to fake it, he finally decided to ask me a question. I had shown him several Gibsons including some AJs, a sunburst Songwriter, and a sunburst, rosewood J200. then he drops it on me and asks, "so does rosewood naturally grow sunburst?" i didn't know what to say! luckily i was holding a natural finish Rosewood guitar and just showed it to him. haha

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then he drops it on me and asks, "so does rosewood naturally grow sunburst?" i didn't know what to say! luckily i was holding a natural finish Rosewood guitar and just showed it to him. haha

 

 

Geez, everybody knows that it's spruce trees that grow with a sunburst, not rosewood. You have to cultivate them carefully, and saw the wood up in a special way.......

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