IanHenry Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?" ------------------------ And you thought there were no clean jokes left! Ian
Dennis G Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Well, speaking of parrot jokes: Frank's wife and daughters were intent on getting a parrot. They went to a local pet store and he indeed did have a parrot for sale, but told her that it had a pretty checkered past. He'd been the pet in a house of ill repute. "No problem" said Frank's wife, we'll take him". So home they went with the new parrot. As he settled in to his new surrounding's, he kept repeating, "Waak, new house, new girls, waaak". That night, Frank got home from work, and his wife heard the parrot say "Waak, new house, new girls, Hi Frank."
L8_4thesh0w Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes...want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say,"Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
glp2012 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 A man breaks into this a and hears a voice say "Jesus is watching you." He is somewhat startled, but knows nobody is home. He walks farther into the house and a voice says: "Jesus is watching you." Startled again, the burglar finds a light switch and turns the it on. He sees nothing except a parrot in a cage. The burglar says to the parrot, "Did you say that?" The parrot says "Yes." The burglar says "What's your name." The parrot says "St. Peter." The burglar says what kind of fool would name a parrot St. Peter?" The parrot says "The same fool that named the pit bull Jesus."
glp2012 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 A man buys a parrot, but all the parrot says is "Somebody's gonna get it." Well, this doesn't sit well with girls he brings home for first dates. So, he goes to the pet store. The guy at the pet store says you need to buy your parrot a friend, but I'm all out of parrots...do you want this owl? So the guy buys the owl and takes it home. Later that evening the guy brings home a girl on their first date. The parrot yells out "Somebody's gonna get it, somebody's gonna get it." The owl says "Who, whoooo?" The parrot says "Not you, you big eyed son of a %!+$#."
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