Murph Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Guy walks into a dentist's office. Says "Doc, I think I'm a moth!" Dentist says "Well you need a psychiatrist, not a dentist....why'd you come in here?" Guy says "Your light was on." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saturn Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I like it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksdaddy Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 "Doc, you've gotta help me! I think I'm shrinking! I'm getting smaller every day, Doc, PLEASE help me!" "Look, sir, I'm very busy. There are others ahead of you. I'll get to you as soon as possible. In the meantime, please have a seat and be a little patient." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksdaddy Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 "Doc, you gotta help me! I'm delusional! Some days I think I'm a tepee, other days I think I'm a wigwam!" "Hmmm, I see. Sounds like you're too tense." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Farnsbarns Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains... Pull yourself together. Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a snooker table. What have you been eating? A blue, a black, a brown and 3 reds. I see the problem, you're not getting enough greens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaiser Bill Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Paramedic to victim..."Why do you stay with that sadist??" Reply: "Beats me". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocketman Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Farnsbarns Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm schizophrenic. That makes 4 of us! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murph Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink Dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did... And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. "Now... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips. Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. "Now. Tell him you have a headache..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
retrorod Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Man visits the doctor and is diagnosed as having 'split personality'. Gets the bill for $800 at the desk and sez "split personality eh?" "I got half a mind not to pay you"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshall Paul Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute." She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" He looked at her and said "The drugs are wearing off!" A guy goes to the eye doctor. In the middle of the exam, the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating." The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?" The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting my nurse and me." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshall Paul Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink Dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did... And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. "Now... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips. Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. "Now. Tell him you have a headache..." there's the winner! LOL! too funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vangoghsear Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "Give me some Chapstick and put it on my bill." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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