rct Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Thanks for the update. It sucks to hear, but kinda suspected. We all tend to care, so when one goes down, it's good for all to know it happened. I feel I would want others to know when I go. Thanks for caring, man. We had some conversations, new the same people around here, had even played now and again with the same peoples at different times. If you play the guitar around here you probably know who I am, so that wasn't hard. After we hooked up through here and he realized I was who I was he still didn't ask for or take any offers of help. We've had a lot of death in our lives in the past few years, all dumb slow cancer stuff, so it is hard to know what to say, "anything I can do..." is kinda weak, but it's all we got. So I was running some errands related to some guitar stuff I've been doing and was at GC, the only guitar store left in this county leaving us with about a 50 mile drive if they don't have strings or something, and a mutual drummer told me he had heard Don had passed away. So I went home and looked and sure enough he had. Service today, but I didn't know him well enough to appear at something like that. Some may notice I don't really say much in the RIP Famous Person threads. The Man from Yes was hard, but I didn't say anything then either. Death is personal. I am sorry for his family and the folks that knew him is how it always goes for me personally. I will let his Mrs know the Forum at Gibson thought of him often, I just don't know when I'll see her. It's been a weird couple months guitar wise, this was just another weirdness. Thanks everyone for the thoughts, I do know that he appreciated them, these last six months were just heinous for him, and I am glad for his peace. rct Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 1458090934[/url]' post='1751762']I am sorry to say that Don passed away on Friday of last week, March 11th. 55 years old, he really had a hell of a time. rct Too sad, I've been wondering about him for awhile. He battled that so hard too, RIP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 1456986280[/url]' post='1747460']Just a little encouragement: Playing guitar, for anyone at any talent level, is asking one's fingers (and arms) to do what isn't natural. They have to be trained. we basically train them, and we consider that learning to play guitar. Good example, find a naturally dexterous person with his/her fingers, and see if they can play a G chord. Ain't gonna happen. I been playing since I was 15...now 47. I haven't practiced or played much in 5 years or so. I can still pick it up and play something, and my left arm gets tired after about...7 chords. That sounds about right to me. Gotta say, I'm kinda proud of you for bending with that pinky. I have stronger hands and fingers than most, and you are already up there with me, if not past. I don't bend with my pinky. (Just tried it, I got about 1/4 note...WAY short of a full one). Thanks Stein, that's why I like like this place so much, you guys are all so great and nice. Thanks! I had so much pain in my left hand I couldn't play chords at all for two days now but strangely I could do lead and a few solos, so practiced those. Today I can do chords again. Who knows, maybe the weather change or pain killers. But that's all I can do is barely a 1/4 note bend. I've been practicing bends since last fall But not with that pinky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 I am sorry to say that Don passed away on Friday of last week, March 11th. 55 years old, he really had a hell of a time. rct Alas; I had wondered, as from what he previously wrote he was obviously very ill indeed. R.I.P. and condolences to his family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyK Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 OK, this is me. For some reason, this feels like the right time to tell my story. I guess it feels good when people understand you and what you've been through, but I hope that some of this will be helpful to somebody. Life was normal until about 18 years ago. Wife, 2 kids, reasonable job, etc. However, my wife realised that something was wrong with our daughter, and at the age of about 18 months, she was diagnosed with severe autism. So severe that they were unable to tell if she had learning difficulties as well. It was the start of a journey into hell. As a Christian, I don't use that term lightly. Being the parent of a disabled child - and in particular, a mental disability - is the most painful and lonely place to be. It is a different world that co-exists alongside the normal world, but you don't even know it exists until you enter it. (At this stage, I would just like to say that if you know of anybody in that situation, please put your arm around them and help in whatever small way you can.) Our daughter had (and still has) less communication skills than a toddler, and spent much of her time in a state of frustration and anxiety, self-harming in the process. She almost had no sleep pattern, and would wake up multiple times a night in a state of anxiety. My wife or I would have to sleep on the landing floor every night to try and deal with her when she woke. After multiple failures by Social Services, Health and Education (a triad of impairment - that's an "in" joke for those in the know about autism), resulting in us with almost no support whatsoever, we finally broke down. Our daughter was 15 at the time, and had never spent a night away from us. We had had practically no help from our families and "friends". When we phoned a Social Service emergency phone line, they didn't believe us, and told us to dump our daughter outside the police station. For every poor social worker there is a good one too, and we eventually were listened to, and started getting some help. However, we were in a terrible state. If it wasn't for the fact that we had a son to look after, we would have killed ourselves and our daughter. I went to my GP and told her our story. She broke down in tears. My wife and I were diagnosed with Acute Stress Reaction, and both spent some months off work. We were offered anti-depressants, but didn't feel we wanted to go down that route. We both underwent counselling, with only limited success. After 4 more years of Social Services bungling, we had to put our daughter into residential care - something we desperately wanted to avoid. But there was simply no other option. And if we didn't take it, we would break down completely, and then she'd have to go into residential care anyway. That was about 5 months ago. We've both been through more counselling, etc, - again, with limited success. The mental, emotional and physical punishment that we've taken will take a long time to get over. Now having the break from 24/7 caring for our daughter, I feel a lot better. However, there is a long way to go for me, and I'm only just starting to try and unravel the defence mechanisms I employed to survive - like hating everybody who wasn't suffering like we were. My wife and I are trying to rebuild our social lives, and regain the art of thinking of ourselves, and planning nice things. It's not easy for two depressed people to lift each other up. However, I do actually think 2016 is going to be better than many years that went before it. So, to anybody out there at a low ebb... speak to friends, seek help. And keep your chin up, because things will eventually get better. This is what I read this morning: "I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The unfailing love of the Lord never ends. By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day." Lamentations 3: 20-23 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Best wishes Andy. Sounds very hard. All the best. JohnM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4Hayden Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 We had some conversations, new the same people around here, had even played now and again with the same peoples at different times. If you play the guitar around here you probably know who I am, so that wasn't hard. After we hooked up through here and he realized I was who I was he still didn't ask for or take any offers of help. We've had a lot of death in our lives in the past few years, all dumb slow cancer stuff, so it is hard to know what to say, "anything I can do..." is kinda weak, but it's all we got. So I was running some errands related to some guitar stuff I've been doing and was at GC, the only guitar store left in this county leaving us with about a 50 mile drive if they don't have strings or something, and a mutual drummer told me he had heard Don had passed away. So I went home and looked and sure enough he had. Service today, but I didn't know him well enough to appear at something like that. Some may notice I don't really say much in the RIP Famous Person threads. The Man from Yes was hard, but I didn't say anything then either. Death is personal. I am sorry for his family and the folks that knew him is how it always goes for me personally. I will let his Mrs know the Forum at Gibson thought of him often, I just don't know when I'll see her. It's been a weird couple months guitar wise, this was just another weirdness. Thanks everyone for the thoughts, I do know that he appreciated them, these last six months were just heinous for him, and I am glad for his peace. rct RIP Don 4H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aster1 Posted March 19, 2016 Author Share Posted March 19, 2016 Andy, I have a childhood friend that had to do the same with his now 20 yr old son. Heartbreaking and esp. with the nature of Autism. His son doesn't really have a need or bond with my friend and wife any longer. Not being a jerk, just has "moved on" with the new change and really doesn't have room in his mind for them now. God Bless & hang tight. Aster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
'Scales Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Best wishes to you Andy. My youngest son is autistic (7 years old, diagnosed at about his 4th birthday). I know part of how you feel, and wish you ever-growing happiness and peace in the years ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aster1 Posted March 19, 2016 Author Share Posted March 19, 2016 RIP Don!! Sorry you're not around, but happy you aren't suffering any longer and wish your family peace & comfort with your loss. Aster I think it's time to update our list. I lost track of things so sorry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pappy Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Andy I am so sorry for your pain, and I can not begin to understand what life must be. But you are grounded in the Lord and that will help you and you wife to climb out of this abyss you find yourselves in. Our prayers and thoughts reach out to you,keep your eyes on the One that can keep you strong. Pappy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Sorry to hear Andy, I know my cousin and his wife had a son they struggled with over many years. A few years back I heard their son passed away. God bless you both. And you too Scales. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marky Forrest Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I am sorry to say that Don passed away on Friday of last week, March 11th. 55 years old, he really had a hell of a time. rct Thanks for the update rct. My prayers are with Don and his family. My mother passed away peacefully in her sleep last month. She was 95 and had no illness or pain. She lived a long and productive live. God Bless her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marky Forrest Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 OK, this is me. For some reason, this feels like the right time to tell my story. I guess it feels good when people understand you and what you've been through, but I hope that some of this will be helpful to somebody. Life was normal until about 18 years ago. Wife, 2 kids, reasonable job, etc. However, my wife realised that something was wrong with our daughter, and at the age of about 18 months, she was diagnosed with severe autism. So severe that they were unable to tell if she had learning difficulties as well. It was the start of a journey into hell. As a Christian, I don't use that term lightly. Being the parent of a disabled child - and in particular, a mental disability - is the most painful and lonely place to be. It is a different world that co-exists alongside the normal world, but you don't even know it exists until you enter it. (At this stage, I would just like to say that if you know of anybody in that situation, please put your arm around them and help in whatever small way you can.) Our daughter had (and still has) less communication skills than a toddler, and spent much of her time in a state of frustration and anxiety, self-harming in the process. She almost had no sleep pattern, and would wake up multiple times a night in a state of anxiety. My wife or I would have to sleep on the landing floor every night to try and deal with her when she woke. After multiple failures by Social Services, Health and Education (a triad of impairment - that's an "in" joke for those in the know about autism), resulting in us with almost no support whatsoever, we finally broke down. Our daughter was 15 at the time, and had never spent a night away from us. We had had practically no help from our families and "friends". When we phoned a Social Service emergency phone line, they didn't believe us, and told us to dump our daughter outside the police station. For every poor social worker there is a good one too, and we eventually were listened to, and started getting some help. However, we were in a terrible state. If it wasn't for the fact that we had a son to look after, we would have killed ourselves and our daughter. I went to my GP and told her our story. She broke down in tears. My wife and I were diagnosed with Acute Stress Reaction, and both spent some months off work. We were offered anti-depressants, but didn't feel we wanted to go down that route. We both underwent counselling, with only limited success. After 4 more years of Social Services bungling, we had to put our daughter into residential care - something we desperately wanted to avoid. But there was simply no other option. And if we didn't take it, we would break down completely, and then she'd have to go into residential care anyway. That was about 5 months ago. We've both been through more counselling, etc, - again, with limited success. The mental, emotional and physical punishment that we've taken will take a long time to get over. Now having the break from 24/7 caring for our daughter, I feel a lot better. However, there is a long way to go for me, and I'm only just starting to try and unravel the defence mechanisms I employed to survive - like hating everybody who wasn't suffering like we were. My wife and I are trying to rebuild our social lives, and regain the art of thinking of ourselves, and planning nice things. It's not easy for two depressed people to lift each other up. However, I do actually think 2016 is going to be better than many years that went before it. So, to anybody out there at a low ebb... speak to friends, seek help. And keep your chin up, because things will eventually get better. This is what I read this morning: "I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The unfailing love of the Lord never ends. By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day." Lamentations 3: 20-23 So sorry to read what you have been/are going through. I can relate. My wife and I have a 29 year old son still living with us. He is on the spectrum but high functioning. Since January 2015 he has had 17 hospital encounters mostly due to extreme anxiety and panic attacks which make his bad asthma even worse because he hyperventilates during his attacks. He is so lonesome and does not do well when he is alone so he constantly wakes us up in the middle of the night when he is having an attack because he was alone in his bedroom. He follows me everywhere and makes these grunting sounds and often loudly cries out. It is so stressful that sometimes I feel like I'm just going to explode but he is such a kind and loving soul that I can never get mad at him. I try to play/practice when he is sleeping because if he is with me he makes so many noises that I just can't do it. I really need some personal time. I believe you made the right decision to keep your daughter off meds as much as possible. We followed the pill-pushing doctor's advice and our son suffered so many bad side effects as he was switched from one med to another that I think they did more harm than good. Thank you for sharing your experiences. My prayers are with all of you. God Bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rct Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Christ I'm sorry for the struggles some of you are facing with your kids. rct Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
'Scales Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 It is so stressful that sometimes I feel like I'm just going to explode but he is such a kind and loving soul that I can never get mad at him. Yes, I find the need to constantly remember that they are probably trying very hard to communicate their thoughts, and their frustration is way more intense than ours as the recipients. That helps build my tolerance some (I hope). Best to you also Marky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milod Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 The human condition is not always an easy one; even those of us who seem to hold similar experiences can't know entirely how others might feel in their own difficult times. The brighter spot comes, I think, with folks such as those found here who do indeed care for the well-being of others. I almost dislike the word "charity," because nowadays it seems only to be connected with money. But I think the true charity is a matter of offering a bit of ourselves to others both in their difficult times and in their good ones. Some folks have called that "social capital" and mourn that our modern world has less of it than they'd wish. But this forum seems to be a good bank of good vibes, prayer, caring... however one wishes to describe it. m Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelly campbell Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Heart Breaking ..So sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darling67 Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 OK, this is me. For some reason, this feels like the right time to tell my story. I guess it feels good when people understand you and what you've been through, but I hope that some of this will be helpful to somebody. ..... I am sorry about the living hell you've had to go through. Sounds like you and your wife did everything a good parent could do for their child... but it was obviously a situation that was out of your hands. Not a failure on your parts. I hope you both are enjoying and getting back to a more normal life, and being good to each other and yourselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Jesus Andy, I'm so sorry to read your story (and I know, pity is not what you are after, but God, a hellish nightmare in no uncertain terms) A good friend of ours has a niece that is severely autistic as well, she's combative and she's mean, she has been in a home/place for some years now. And they've had to move her a few times because she is a handful. Her parents tried as you tried, and in the end, it wasn't possible given her situation. They found as you did, help is few and far between. It eventually eroded their marriage and they are now divorced, (I think there were other things in play but ultimately it was their daughter's complications that took it's toll on them) Thankfully, you and your wife seemed to have weathered the storm. you did everything you could have done from what you have shared with us. It's heartbreaking for a child to be born this way, and for sure she did not ask for this. I'd like to say God had a plan that we don't understand, but, I can't see how that could be a "plan". Blessed are they with the healthy children.. they have no idea what could be reality. All the best to you and your family Andy,, this must have been hard to share with us,... hopefully it helps bring some healing your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 btw folks, Andy's post brought me to this thread which I've not returned to in a while, and I should have. Some time ago (last fall) I mentioned my wife Deb was going thru a breast cancer scare. So now, an update is due, since we have been on this list as well. Surgery was in January (the 7th) and everything went as planned, it was a small legion, not aggressive and had not invaded any other tissue or lymph nodes. After 4 weeks to heal, (and it was a tuff four weeks, the lymph node site was a hell of a thing to heal from), she started radiation as is protocol for any lumpectomy. She is almost half way through her radiation with about three weeks to go, and so far, she is tolerating ok. while it's definitely not a trolley ride to the park, she's getting through this with out any complications yet, that we know at the moment... (Radiation is just not a good thing for humans...) Thank you all for the prays and vibes, as usual, this community shows it's true colors when life happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milod Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Kid... Best wishes for you and your lady. My eldest niece is coming through several batches of similar treatment and came to an interesting conclusion that as she regains her health, at a tad under 50 and a very successful career, she's going to "retire" from that career for a different "take" on life. Her husband has been hugely supportive, so... m Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 KB I hope it all continues to go well for her and you. Best wishes to all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Hope the best for you two also Kid! Radiation is nasty like you said so glad she's taking it so good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidblast Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 thanks guys, I appreciate the kind words. you never know the roads life leads you to, life can be too short, good to enjoy what you can,, the sooner we can retire, the better for all of us! anyway, this is the second time we've had to fight this horrible disease. she had bladder cancer in 2009, (unrelated) bad family genetics apparently! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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