Lars68 Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Been wrestling with this one for a while. What do you think? You can hurl as many tomatoes as you like. I can take it https://soundcloud.com/lars1968/an-invisible-han Lars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelly campbell Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Been wresteling with this one for a while. What do you think? You can hurl as many tomatoes as you like. I can take it https://soundcloud.com/lars1968/an-invisible-hand Lars Good job Lars, I like the guitar, is the a J45? well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted February 23, 2017 Author Share Posted February 23, 2017 Good job Lars, I like the guitar, is the a J45? well done. Thanks for listening and the nice comment! The guitar is an SJ, capoed at the 4th fret. So, J-45 was close! Lars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mafy31 Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Lars your guitar sounds beautifully, well played. Your voice instead is often way off i have to admit, listen to your own records as much as you can that is a good way to correct the pitch slowly. Still i enjoy listening to your records ; it is always a lesson of humility for me, most of the time im too shy to post here. Keep it up ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 Lars your guitar sounds beautifully, well played. Your voice instead is often way off i have to admit, listen to your own records as much as you can that is a good way to correct the pitch slowly. Still i enjoy listening to your records ; it is always a lesson of humility for me, most of the time im too shy to post here. Keep it up ! Thaks for the comment! Yes, I know that the singing is very bad, but I decided a while back that I can only do my best. So I post my my efforts regardless. I think you should do the same. This is a very friendly place, and you will get good advice. I would love to hear your efforts. As long as we enjoy what we do and try our hardest, there is no failure. By the way, the song is not a Springsteen song. It is one I wrote, being inspired by his style on the Nebraska album. Lars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avery Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Lars, I think this is a very nice song you've written. Guitar sounds great...as well as your playing especially the places before and after the words...I really enjoyed those little melodies a lot. Maybe the vocal needs some work...in terms of fleshing out the melody a bit more...but there is character in your voice and you've set a nice foundation for yourself with this song. Thanks for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelly campbell Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 I admire the guts to put song on here, I am not that point yet but if and when I do you will here some bad vocals then. Still like the effort Lars Keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted February 25, 2017 Author Share Posted February 25, 2017 I admire the guts to put song on here, I am not that point yet but if and when I do you will here some bad vocals then. Still like the effort Lars Keep it up. Don't worry about the quality. Just do your best and let us hear it I have been trying my song again in a different key. Do you think this is any better at all? https://soundcloud.com/lars1968/an-invisible-hand Lars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelly campbell Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Don't worry about the quality. Just do your best and let us hear it I have been trying my song again in a different key. Do you think this is any better at all? Lars Personally, and I am no expert, I think it is better, Less pitchy you appear to get more pitchy when you are going down to the lower notes in the beginning. I do think there is improvement. Keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwalker201 Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Nice guitar work and some nice lyrics. I think you do seem to keep better pitch playing higher up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
'Scales Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Nice one Lars, I admire people who can fingerpick and the guitar sounds beautiful. You take the approach of filling in almost all the space within the verse with vocal, which can lead to some wavering on long syllables - not saying you don't want to do that but another way is to leave more empty space in verses and then mix up with different lenghts of vocal phrases. I tried a quick version of your song in kind of a Bruce/Nebraska way to try and demonstrate this (very simplified - apologies and I am happy to take it down) - I'm not sure if I succeeded in that goal as I was trying to read words on the screen and do a simple version of your chord pattern but that was the intent (need headphones - very quiet recoding - my fault) - https://soundcloud.com/itiswhatitis-5/larssongwav A nice song - stick at it mate! (PS hope your back is better) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flatbaroque Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Well done Lars on writing the song. And extra stars to Scales for an excellent interpretation of it to demonstrate the points he made in his post.That is great forum interaction . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted February 25, 2017 Author Share Posted February 25, 2017 Nice one Lars, I admire people who can fingerpick and the guitar sounds beautiful. You take the approach of filling in almost all the space within the verse with vocal, which can lead to some wavering on long syllables - not saying you don't want to do that but another way is to leave more empty space in verses and then mix up with different lenghts of vocal phrases. I tried a quick version of your song in kind of a Bruce/Nebraska way to try and demonstrate this (very simplified - apologies and I am happy to take it down) - I'm not sure if I succeeded in that goal as I was trying to read words on the screen and do a simple version of your chord pattern but that was the intent (need headphones - very quiet recoding - my fault) - https://soundcloud.com/itiswhatitis-5/larssongwav A nice song - stick at it mate! (PS hope your back is better) Scales, I don't know what to say. I open the forum this morning and find your version of my song. Unbelievably kind of you. I got very, very emotinal listening to your song. I write songs, but never have the chops to realize my idea for the songs. I know what I want them to sound like, but I can't do it. Hearing something I wrote done right is tremendously inspiring. I realize you didn't have much time to put it together, but to my ears it sounds like magic. You even dug up the words from the depths of the forum, from that past thread. It now actually sounds like a Nebraska song! Just imagine a couple of bars of loud harmonica too! You also convinced me to keep the last verse. It brings the idea full circle, as I hoped it could. I understand perfectly now the point you make about the length of lines. You gave me un unexpected, tremendous gift. I will take it and try to put it to the best use I possibly can. Thank you so much for the help!! Lars P.S. Back is better, but still hurting. Maybe I could write a song about it. Lots of minor chords... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
'Scales Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Cool ! - pleased you took it in the intended spirit. Btw - I suffer periodic 'non-specific lower back pain' and read in the Australian Medical Journal that I should NOT lie in bed (as I had previously done) but rather keep moving at a steady pace and just take paracetamol (eg Panadol/head ache pills) as required to ease pain. It worked (for me)! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelly campbell Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 I have said it before there are some great people on this forum and this thread is just another example of that. Great work Scales and Lars. A beautiful thing happened and I personally find it refreshing. Well done guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorrisrownSal Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 Well done Lars. A bit pitchy in a few spots. (1:10-1:20), but definitely stick to it. I also listed to scales... his version is a great model in that it has more rhythm and flow. It's a tad faster, and I think it works better like that. I never heard the song before... I will download it now, so thanks. Again.. solid b+ effort that you can work at and have it be an A. I'm glad you posted friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted February 26, 2017 Author Share Posted February 26, 2017 Well done Lars. A bit pitchy in a few spots. (1:10-1:20), but definitely stick to it. I also listed to scales... his version is a great model in that it has more rhythm and flow. It's a tad faster, and I think it works better like that. I never heard the song before... I will download it now, so thanks. Again.. solid b+ effort that you can work at and have it be an A. I'm glad you posted friend. Thanks, Sal! I have started the work with Scales approach of less is more. By the way, the song is by me, not by Bruce. I just tried doing something in his narative style, which I admire very much. Lars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorrisrownSal Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 My bad...! Then the kudos go up a few notches ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
62burst Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 Well done Lars on writing the song. And extra stars to Scales for an excellent interpretation of it to demonstrate the points he made in his post.That is great forum interaction . Indeed. Well, that song sure grew wings fast in Scales' hands- the approach to the rhythm and his vocals have a natural affinity for a Bruce song. Didn't know you'd written that, Lars- up a notch or two for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted February 26, 2017 Author Share Posted February 26, 2017 Well, I guess I need to take the fact that you guys had my song mistaken for a genuine Springsteen song as a compliment. I just want to add that it was Scales who showed what the song could do, not me. My attempt has beginner written all over it, but at least I now know that I can write songs to grow with, and that means a lot to me. Also, I'm not trying to copy Springsteen, just using music I like for inspiration. The song is about the decline, brought on by the modern globalized economy, of lots of small towns around here,(which I'm sure can be seen elsewhere in the world too). It's also about gratitude of these economic changes not yet affecting me or my family. At least that is the idea of the song, not sure how much of it comes across in the lyrics... I borrowed the term "invisible hand" from the 18th century economist Adam Smith, as he used it to describe the workings of a market econony. Lars ---------------------------------- The Invisible Hand: I'm driving home from work late, on a Friday night putting miles between me and the city light I'm so tired and weary, but soon to be free for my loved ones a'waiting off exit forty-three There's roadwork ahead, warns a flashing sign The detour's through another town ways away from mine I'm stopping downtown by a light, as it turns to red Here's a wasteland long forgotten All broken and dead Houses sit deserted by a winding, railroad track Folks here packed up and left never to come back Factory on my right long since, shutdown n' black Leaving town I read "Drive Safely and Welcome Back" Was it the wrath of some god, or an invisible hand tearing a town down to nothing but dust and sand When I'm back home on my street, in my drive-way I kiss my wife n' my sweet boy after a long day No one looks beyond the fence, in my neighborhood We're washing cars on Sundays denying what's afoot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EuroAussie Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 I have to say this was a frustrating listen if I was honest Lars. The guitar as expected these days sounds super lovelly, and in some parts of the song I hear real quality in terms of a vocal tone and the melody im hearing. Then in other parts it sounds significantly off pitch and the melody doesnt seem to suit the harmony, it doesnt flow. I think you have potential there, but if I was honest, it still needs a lot of work, in particular to get a consistent melody across the song that fits the harmony. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gotomsdos Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 Great ballad, Lars ! Meaningful lyrics, you meant an ending day of the world ? Seems more like a ballad than a street song, cause it does not seem to be full of much sweet melody. But it doesn't that matter. Most important to express your feelings. The SJ sounds not like a guitar but a bell, incredible. The vocal sounds not like a singer but a farseer saying a prophet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars68 Posted February 27, 2017 Author Share Posted February 27, 2017 Thanks for listening Goto. Your new avatar looks terrific, but I do miss the cat The song is not about the end of the world (thankfully!), but about the effects of globalization on small towns where I live. My problem is I can't sing. It is as simple as that. I'm working very hard to improve and I'm getting help, but it takes sooo long to learn. I half jokingly compare my musical hearing abilities to an Alzheimers patient. I have brief moments of clarity, among long bouts of confusion. When I recorded and posted this song, I honestly thought it sounded decent. I listened to it again this morning, and it now sounds like nails on a chalkboard. I hear pitch very poorly when in the middle of working on a song. Each song has to grow on me, often for months and months, before I, note by note, can get a decent performance. I often work on a song (late at night when the rest of the house is asleep) then get excited and think I have something worth while and post it to the forum. I need to learn that the song must grow on me further, and that my initial impression of pitch quality and consistency are off. I have done it repeatedly in the past, and now I once again prematurely posted a new song. I get angry with myself for not realizing it, so this is a public note addressed to myself as much as to anybody else. When I hear one of those talent show singers on TV and they sing out of tune, I often catch it from the next room, but not when doing it myself, at least not before distancing myself from the song for at least a couple of days. On the positive side, and as weird as it may be, I do think I have a decent sense for melody, at least relative to my other musical abilities. I just can't consistently repeat it using my voice, but I do hope the end result is worth fighting for. Oh, well... Lars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EuroAussie Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 I know EXACTLY what youre talking about Lars, have the same problem. I record a song, think it sounds rather good, then get shot down (in good faith) for being off pitch. Take a break from it, like a week or so, listen to it again and realise the feedback was correct and i hear where the comments are coming from. So, the learning is simple, record it, leave it alone for a few days. Come back to it, listen to it with fresh ears and then make a judgement if it really is ready to be posted and that it really is the best possible effort that came out. If not, rework it, let it sit ... repeat the process, rinse, wash .. until its ready for drying on the clothes rack. Thanks for listening Goto. Your new avatar looks terrific, but I do miss the cat The song is not about the end of the world (thankfully!), but about the effects of globalization on small towns where I live. My problem is I can't sing. It is as simple as that. I'm working very hard to improve and I'm getting help, but it takes sooo long to learn. I half jokingly compare my musical hearing abilities to an Alzheimers patient. I have brief moments of clarity, among long bouts of confusion. When I recorded and posted this song, I honestly thought it sounded decent. I listened to it again this morning, and it now sounds like nails on a chalkboard. I hear pitch very poorly when in the middle of working on a song. Each song has to grow on me, often for months and months, before I, note by note, can get a decent performance. I often work on a song (late at night when the rest of the house is asleep) then get excited and think I have something worth while and post it to the forum. I need to learn that the song must grow on me further, and that my initial impression of pitch quality and consistency are off. I have done it repeatedly in the past, and now I once again prematurely posted a new song. I get angry with myself for not realizing it, so this is a public note addressed to myself as much as to anybody else. When I hear one of those talent show singers on TV and they sing out of tune, I often catch it from the next room, but not when doing it myself, at least not before distancing myself from the song for at least a couple of days. On the positive side, and as weird as it may be, I do think I have a decent sense for melody, at least relative to my other musical abilities. I just can't consistently repeat it using my voice, but I do hope the end result is worth fighting for. Oh, well... Lars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gotomsdos Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 OIC. But go ahead to make some progress... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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