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Lars68

Me doing my best Springsteen...

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I have kept trying to improve this song (thanks for the support, Scales!). I had some ideas for a chorus and a different ending that didn´t work out. So I tried my best to improve the singing, with the structure of the song as is. Short term, the version below is about as good a performance I have in me, without splicing several takes together to only get the best bits.

 

What do you guys think about the singing here? Does the structure of the song hold up well enough as is?

 

Any kind of feedback is appreciated.

 

https://soundcloud.com/lars1968/an-invisible-hand-new-version

 

Lars

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I thought it seemed to flow better in this new version Lars - I'd call that progress for sure [thumbup]

Vocals at least seemed to have a plan in mind and were more consistent. Re unintentional wavering notes - sometimes you have to stick your chest out and say 'right now Mr Song, I'm the boss here not you' and sing with authority - ya gotta own that sucker! [biggrin]

Good stuff Lars - I like your enthusiasm.

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I thought it seemed to flow better in this new version Lars - I'd call that progress for sure [thumbup]

Vocals at least seemed to have a plan in mind and were more consistent. Re unintentional wavering notes - sometimes you have to stick your chest out and say 'right now Mr Song, I'm the boss here not you' and sing with authority - ya gotta own that sucker! [biggrin]

Good stuff Lars - I like your enthusiasm.

 

Thanks for the encouraging feedback! I'll try my best to be the boss of my own songs from now on [biggrin]

 

As for enthusiasm, I hope to compensate what I lack in the skill department with determination and enthusiasm. I've got plenty of that!

 

Lars

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For those not tired yet from my endless efforts, I think I got some substantial improvements this time around.

The organ is by the lovely lady living next door, who sometimes serves as my teacher and reliable set of musical ears. I love this addition to the song! It's starting to feel like a real song now, instead of a rough sketch. Not perfect, but I'm happy for the progress.

 

 

Lars

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Lars, I think your neighbor's playing greatly elevated the song, giving it more of a structure and form. And I enjoyed your singing too more on the version. Thanks for sharing it, I enjoyed listening!

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Lars, I think your neighbor's playing greatly elevated the song, giving it more of a structure and form. And I enjoyed your singing too more on the version. Thanks for sharing it, I enjoyed listening!

 

Thanks, Avery! I believe this is about as far as I can take this song...right now. Time to move on to something else [biggrin]

 

Lars

 

By the way, I envy those who can get up in the morning, get a cup of coffee, find a song to do online, run it through a couple of times, hit record and then sound great. That is real musicianship and talent! My songs are never like that. They are an endless string of trial and error that never quite get there.

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well done Lars - a journey of improvement for sure.

 

Maybe it could become a series: "Me doing my best..."

 

Metallica maybe?

Pixies perhaps?

Pixies in the style of Metallica?

 

Endless possibilities!

 

Rock on mate [thumbup]

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well done Lars - a journey of improvement for sure.

 

Maybe it could become a series: "Me doing my best..."

 

Metallica maybe?

Pixies perhaps?

Pixies in the style of Metallica?

 

Endless possibilities!

 

Rock on mate [thumbup]

 

Me doing Metallica, or Pixies, now that would be something. I would probably be banned from the forum for inflicting severe mental injury on those listening [biggrin]

 

On a more serious note, for my next song I have an idea of turning the classic American theme of a "train song" into a Swedish folk song. The single most inspiring thing about writing songs is to turn an idea into something tangible, to see what comes out. The journey from a mental picture of a song, to some kind of finished (or in my case perpetually semi-finished) song is fascinating. You never know what will come out!

 

Lars

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