New tune....

[Lars68]

That is an excellent song! You are very good at writing melody and lyrics that keeps me listening, really listening, to the story. I have to admit, though, that the verb/noun bit felt a little akward.

 

One more thing, and I hope you don't mind. For some reason I realized, as I was listening, that I kept wanting the song to be faster and louder. I guess I mean "angrier", if that makes any sense? I think the lyrics suggest frustration, and anger is frustration's closest brother

 

Lars

[dhanners623]

That is an excellent song! You are very good at writing melody and lyrics that keeps me listening, really listening, to the story. I have to admit, though, that the verb/noun bit felt a little akward.

 

One more thing, and I hope you don't mind. For some reason I realized, as I was listening, that I kept wanting the song to be faster and louder. I guess I mean "angrier", if that makes any sense? I think the lyrics suggest frustration, and anger is frustration's closest brother

 

Lars

 

Thanks for the kind words. I'll admit I'm still experimenting with tempos, so the tempo in the video may not be the "final" one. I've found that, generally, it takes my songs about 4-6 months to "find themselves," for lack of a better term. Yeah, some get there fairly quickly, but on average, it takes awhile for the song to figure out how it wants to be played.

 

And boy, I almost feel like I've stirred up a hornet's nest with the noun/verb thing. I like it, but maybe I need to rethink it. I don't want to talk down to the listener. Also, the line perfectly (at least to me) expresses the woman's sentiment. She's tired of just existing. She wants to do something with her life.

[MissouriPicker]

David, it's not a "hornet's nest,"...lol...I think it's made for an interesting thread........Okay---I don't see you talking down to the listener. For me, I just think the verb/noun thing is not consistent with the vernacular/atmosphere, etc of the song. Just my view. It certainly doesn't make me right and someone else wrong. Maybe try coming at it from a different direction, but express the same sentiment. Perhaps something about her wanting to make some "good ol' days," because she obviously not making them in her life now.......The proverbial bottom line is that this is your song. I understand what your saying with the noun/verb line, but I think you can find a better way of saying it and still make the rhyme or find a word that sounds good with "town." It's a good song. Don't let this one line bog you down. Keep pushing at it. One of my many flaws is that I'll find a line or chorus that I really like and it's "carved in stone" in my mind, but, I can't find anything to connect it with in a way that I want.......I just think you have a really sweet tune. For me, it's fine as it is, but a couple changes can really make it fly. You keep writing and singing and I'll be listening and mouthing-off. [thumbup]

[GuitarPlayer919]

Excellent! I enjoyed listening.

[dhanners623]

Ok. Maybe not a hornet's "nest." Songwriters love hyperbole....

 

Still working on the song. The last line of the first verse had been bugging me, as well as the bridge. So here is the new version:

 

Landscape is bleak, prairie wind leaves you raw

Winter makes it worse, snow on stubble straw

They say we'll make it through, just got to buckle down

And just avoid the curse of the ghosts of this town

 

Ghosts of this town, beholden and betrayed

They'll always find some way to keep us afraid

All we know will one day come unwound

On that day we'll bury it with the ghosts of this town

 

Raised her glass as if to make a toast

Whiskey and lovers betray you when you need them most

Said she had to go where life's a verb, not a noun

Could no longer do the bidding of the ghosts of this town

 

(chorus)

 

(bridge)

Ten years ago, maybe even five

I'd get behind the wheel and she'd just say, "Drive"

But the road no longer calls, doesn't make a sound

And you'll never outrun the ghosts of this town

 

I get by just like she said I will

But the future stares me down like Abe on a five-dollar bill

Time heals all wounds I have always found

Except the cuts and bruises from the ghosts of this town

 

(chorus)

[OldCowboy]

Didn't mean to stir any hornets about nouns and verbs, honest, and I really enjoy your performance and writing. Kicking myself now for not being able to offer an alternative suggestion that might fit with the vernacular, but maybe something'll come to me. Anyhow, I humbly defer to your writing skills👍

[Lars68]

Maybe this could work...

 

Lars

 

 

Said she had to go where she could chase, a dream down

Could no longer do the bidding of the ghosts of this town