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Buc McMaster

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Not intending to be critical of you in any way, everyone's situation is different.


But no matter how we feel about them, the brought us into this world, and took care of us when we were unable to take of ourselves. When they get old, the tables are turned, and sometimes we need to take care of them.


I didn't always have a great relationship with my parents, but they were still my parents.

Yes, everyone's situation IS different, and some of us cannot imagine the situations where, no, the parent or parents in fact did not take care of us when we couldn't take care of ourselves. There are people who procreate but not only fail to nurture, they abuse and torture and break their offspring. For the children who survive, despite their parents, part of thriving is to not be confused about what is or is not owed to the perpetrators.

Some of us count our blessings where family is concerned, but there are plenty of us, too, who got dealt something most of us cannot believe or understand. To the latter, I'll always commend the clean and complete break. Sometimes, that is what is necessary and, in my book, courageous.

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My parents were wonderful and I miss them both every day. Each needed a different sort of care, and I can only hope that I did OK for them.


Mine, too, were wonderful--my dad is still with us, "aging gracefully" as he always says. As I said, some of us have been very fortunate....


Buc, hope you play that Gretsch; something tells me there are a few new songs in there, waiting on you to let 'em out.




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I'm going through almost the identical thing with my 95 year old Dad. Perhaps some of my experience might be helpful-

When Dad first starting having problems, I moved him up from Florida to a location near me on Long Island. Unless his time is very limited or yours is unlimited, you should consider moving him to a facility near you.

If you Dad is a Vet, the VA offers lots ways to help. I know the VA has a bad rep, but some of them are excellent and some not so much. The one near me is great. The VA offers free medical care to "poor" Vets regardless of whether they are service connected or not. Even if its not free, its still very affordable. They also offer something called Aid and Attendance which is a stipend of $1700/mo, again depending on finances. They generally don't offer long term care to anyone who is not service connected but they might put him in a short-term or rehab unit until you find a long term place.

80% of all people in long term care exhaust their own money quickly and go on Medicaid. Medicaid wants your Dad to use his money up before they pay and they require a 5 year look back at all finances (bank accounts, stock accounts, ...) before they will approve anything. Its taken me more than a month to collect all the paperwork. Fortunately my Dad is in a short-term unit at the VA until I find a permanment long-term care location.

It can be a bit overwhelming, but there are lots of resources around that may not be generally known.

I hope things work out for you as best as possible under the circumstances.

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I'm going through almost the identical thing with my 95 year old Dad.


This has been an ongoing thing I've been dealing with for about two years now.........since mom passed I hold dad's POA and have been handling his finances and care for a couple years now. It's not been easy from a distance and there have been a few trips to OK. I do have a younger brother that is local to dad and he has been a great help, keeping pop in groceries, getting him to doctor's appointments and the like. He has a family and a life to live and I understand there are limits to what he can invest. We had a private in-home companion for dad, a retired nurse, that spent days with him, seeing that he takes meds, eats, etc. But she fell ill a couple weeks back and is no longer available.......hence this trip, to make other arrangements. Dad has too much retirement income to qualify for the VA program you mentioned........already investigated that. In consultation with my brothers we have decided that we will not remove our father from his home if and until his condition leaves us no other option. He worked all his life for his home and it is his wish to remain there unto the end. I intend to honor my father's wishes.


Thank you all for your good wishes and concern. We all have trials as we move through this life, this is just another to be dealt with. I'm dealing. [thumbup]

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I often wonder what it is like having family you love enough to take care of. My family was a family in name only and once I could leave I never looked back. My family will go top their graves without me. Don't hit your kids. Although I know a parent with dementia can be horrifying... I wish I had a father that I loved and loved me in return. It's bitter but a glass half full...




I am very sorry .

I know what that is like.








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That IS a skinny neck. In my parallel universe I'm am 1,200 miles from home visiting my 99 year old father too, and the cheap Epiphone long scale AJ copy kept in a case behind his easy chair, last played in August 2016, was still in tune today when I pulled it out' Buck, hope your time spent is going as well as mine is, he took me shopping for new pickups today. He doesn't drive anymore, but loves to see the new models and then complain that things were better in the old days. Kind of like some guitar gear heads we know.


Hope your Pa enjoys the music.

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