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The Final Form


Buc McMaster

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Okay......I'll bug y'all one more time with this one and then resign it to the dust bin. I was singing this last night and the words for the refrain just spilled out of my mouth like magic, melody and all.......not so easy most of the time. Moved the capo up a fret to allow for more vocal dynamics in places that seemed to need it. The performance is not yet polished and I still have to read most of the words, but I think this is it's final form......

 

Recorded on the iPad using a Zoom iQ7 mic plugged into it......dumped into iMovie for the fades.......

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNgZGcrmuzI

 

ATLANTA: Bitter Tears The Bucster, August 2017

 

That house near the corner……no one’s been there for years

……they all left for the border……with broken hearts and bitter tears

The railway station behind us……they burned it down as you can see

……it’s still there and reminds us……of Sherman’s march to the sea

 

There'll be no quarter for the rebels…….I’ll make Georgia howl!

……some said he was the devil…… or some relation anyhow

At the fall of Atlanta…….they came on like a storm

……and all the way to Savannah…..the heart of Dixie was torn

 

Will we ever be the same……should we hang our heads in shame

Will we stand here in the rain of these bitter tears

 

Thirty thousand south to Macon……Augusta threatened in the east

……all was broken, burned or taken……the land devoured by the beast

And they could hear the Yanks a’comin’……they could see the smokey sky

……all those women and their youngin’s…..some defiant, some just cried

 

O’r the hills and ‘cross the rivers……unrelenting as a flood

……like an unrepentant sinner…..rebellion’s price is paid in blood

Three hundred miles the army plundered……Savannah fell without a fight

……the heart of Georgia torn asunder…..and Carolina in their sights

 

Will we ever be the same……should we hang our heads in shame

Will we stand here in the rain of these bitter tears

Will we ever be the same……will we rise in freedom’s name

Or will we stand here in the rain of our bitter tears

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Buc you are a fine songwriter and excellent singer and picker. I like it a lot.

 

It's new, not put to bed quite yet? I have a couple of things that I could comment on. First is use of the word 'asunder.' FWIW, I have been hammered before by professional critiquers for using words for the sake of rhyme when people don't use the word anymore. I don't think 'asunder' is popular in the modern lexicon. Overall, your rhyming, I noticed that it is excellent.

 

EDIT: Perhaps "asunder" is okay since the lyric is about something long ago. Obviously your call.

 

Second thing is I would prefer the chorus be twice as long.

 

Another compliment is your enunciation -- excellent.

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Buc you are a fine songwriter and excellent singer and picker. I like it a lot.

 

It's new, not put to bed quite yet? I have a couple of things that I could comment on. First is use of the word 'asunder.' FWIW, I have been hammered before by professional critiquers for using words for the sake of rhyme when people don't use the word anymore. I don't think 'asunder' is popular in the modern lexicon. Overall, your rhyming, I noticed that it is excellent.

 

Second thing is I would prefer the chorus be twice as long.

 

Another compliment is your enunciation -- excellent.

If modern lexicology is the measure, then we should look at the Age in question.

 

I think 'asunder' is perfect here, in a song about The Late Unpleasantness Between the States, during and about which families were, indeed, torn so.

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If modern lexicology is the measure, then we should look at the Age in question.

 

I think 'asunder' is perfect here, in a song about The Late Unpleasantness Between the States, during and about which families were, indeed, torn so.

 

I edited my post before you even posted that it might 'work.'

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Yes it's pretty much done here. I go over lyrics with a fine tooth comb, a rock hammer and a fine point paintbrush.....smoothing, coloring and chipping away any excess words. Writing a song is like building a house to me........every board and nail has to the right one in the right place and then painted with the right colors......it has to look, smell and feel like a house I could live in or I ain't done yet. Melodies just seem to materialize out of thin air.......I do not understand that part of the process at all. And yes, I've been called before for using "outdated" words in other lyrics.......my response is always the same. In the first place, as Anne said and you added, the song is describing and old, historical event when such words were in great general use........appropriate for this lyric, I think. And secondly, who is the authority that says a word is no long popular vernacular and must not be used in writings nor conversation? "Professional critiquers"......?!? Ha! [tongue] Who do they think they are? The lyric police? It's my lyric and I'll write it as I see fit, not to their satisfaction. In the end no one has to be satisfied with it but me.......at the same time it is very nice when others see it as something well done.

 

Thank you all again for taking a listen to my new "house"..........personally I think I nailed this one! B)

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Wow, that turned out great! There have been some wonderful original songs posted here on the forum, but for my personal taste, this is my favorite. As you know, I'm a sucker for mournful songs, and I've also been to all the cities you name, which makes the song connect even more. This is of a quality that I would easily pay money for, and it deserves a pro recording. Just imagine your voice and J-45 with a lonesome violin or accordion tastefully in the background.

 

By the way, out of curiosity I looked up the word asunder / sunder. The meaning is exactly the same as the swedish word sönder. I like the use of the word asunder, because it adds age to the song, making the song appropriate for the time of the Civil War. It makes the song feel more like an old folks song.

 

Lars

.

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And you're right, I do not like the studio environment so this is as good as it gets for my part........raw and live.

 

I'm totally with you on this, Buc. Since I'm in da bidness, going into the studio is a necessary evil at times. But give me live performance anytime, all the time and twice on Sunday. I'm sending you a PM about a future meeting.

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