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Lars68
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I wrote a song about 18 months ago about events in my life forever etched in my memory. I don't think I ever posted the song here at the time. I just re-did all of the vocals. I hope it turned out alright.

I think all of us are experiencing this kind of event right now. Hoping you all stay safe and get through this rough time, wherever you are.

Lars

 
 
 
 
Edited by Lars68
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Another nice and sincere song from your corner of the planet. 
I would like to suggest 1 thing - please allow me that as it can be ditched within seconds :

The chorus - is it Gm - Am (something). Why not make a variation in the second line, which could go Gm - F with the vocal saying they stay with me over the following notes : G-A-Bb-A

Gm . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . A. . . . . Gm                         F

These moments in time - they stay with me

I don't know, but it just instantly occurred somewhere between these ears. Maybe it's too poppy for you  - but try it, , , at least in the last round. And let me hear what you think - as honest as my idea is clean and free. Have fun Sweden - Cheers

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7 hours ago, Lars68 said:

Em7, I will look into that variation for sure. I'm seperated from my guitars at the moment, but will get back to you once I've had a chance to try it out.

Thanks so much for taking the time!

A pleasure.
Isolated from the guitar !?, , , , ouchh. 

Lars, , , I know that making a tune is a very personal thing and that one really doesn't want any others to interfere. Songwriting is an opportunity to create a highly subjective and unique space like arranging an akvarium or a scale-train tableau. Nevertheless there's a mid-path too, now we set the wagon a'rollin'. .  :

You keep the chords, but follow the suggested vox-notes. 

Edited by E-minor7
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No worries, I don’t mind suggestions one bit. 
 

My choice of words left a bit to be desired. I didn’t mean to imply that I’m ”virus seperated” from my guitars. I’m just on the road with work, but will be back home soon. As you might know, Sweden is still holding off full lock-down. 
 

Lars

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On 4/14/2020 at 3:54 PM, E-minor7 said:

A pleasure.
Isolated from the guitar !?, , , , ouchh. 

Lars, , , I know that making a tune is a very personal thing and that one really doesn't want any others to interfere. Songwriting is an opportunity to create a highly subjective and unique space like arranging an akvarium or a scale-train tableau. Nevertheless there's a mid-path too, now we set the wagon a'rollin'. .  :

You keep the chords, but follow the suggested vox-notes. 

 

Em7, I have been trying your suggestions out today. As is, my chorus goes like this:

These moments in time

Gm                           A

They stay with me

Gm                         A

These moments in time

Gm           F                      Bb

As you suggested, I have tried changing the second A to and F, and it gives sort of a more positive (for lack of a better word...) feel to the song. I then played your melody line on the guitar to get an idea of how it sounds, and I like it. However, and here is where my inexperience is obvious, no matter how many times I tried to sing those notes, I just couldn't get it. I think the original is too ingrained in my brain for me to break it right now.

I know that if I keep improving my playing and singing, I one day want to revise all of my songs, both musically and lyrically and have them properly recorded in some fashion. To that end, I have written down your suggestions in my notebook. I wish I could have done a better job with it now, but it is what it is...

That song was one I actually wrote a while back, but without being able to sing anywhere close to where I wanted it. I think now at least it is closer to my original intention. 

Thanks again so much for supporting my humble attempts at this great hobby of ours!

Lars

(by the way, Em7, your inbox is full)

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3 hours ago, Lars68 said:

 

Em7, I have been trying your suggestions out today. As is, my chorus goes like this:

These moments in time

Gm                           A

They stay with me

Gm                         A

These moments in time

Gm           F                      Bb

As you suggested, I have tried changing the second A to and F, and it gives sort of a more positive (for lack of a better word...) feel to the song. I then played your melody line on the guitar to get an idea of how it sounds, and I like it. However, and here is where my inexperience is obvious, no matter how many times I tried to sing those notes, I just couldn't get it. I think the original is too ingrained in my brain for me to break it right now.

I know that if I keep improving my playing and singing, I one day want to revise all of my songs, both musically and lyrically and have them properly recorded in some fashion. To that end, I have written down your suggestions in my notebook. I wish I could have done a better job with it now, but it is what it is...

That song was one I actually wrote a while back, but without being able to sing anywhere close to where I wanted it. I think now at least it is closer to my original intention. 

Thanks again so much for supporting my humble attempts at this great hobby of ours!

Lars

(by the way, Em7, your inbox is full)

ReHey Lars - all okay, it was just an idea kind of flying across when I heard the track.  And sure, it sheds a bit of light into the lines. I'm sure the Nordic tristesse suits you best. [wink]


But if you can't hit those 4 vocal-notes over the Gm-F, I would definitely work a little with it. Not as a part of the song (forget that), but as an exercise. 

Best Thoughts (made room in the inbox)

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