Mr. Gibson Posted April 24, 2020 Share Posted April 24, 2020 Did you hear the one about Bigfoot? not yeti. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saturn Posted April 24, 2020 Share Posted April 24, 2020 I love it. Bad puns are how eye roll. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoyC Posted April 24, 2020 Share Posted April 24, 2020 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinch Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 The dyslexic pimp opened a warehouse. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoyC Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 https://imgur.com/a/BadVTP5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Gibson Posted April 25, 2020 Author Share Posted April 25, 2020 7 hours ago, Pinch said: The dyslexic pimp opened a warehouse. Haha good one 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 (edited) A preacher sees an advertisement for a religious horse so he goes to see about buying it. The seller says " get on the horse, when you want to go just say " Praise God " and he will start walking, if you want to go faster just say "praise God " and he will speed up ", when you want to stop say " Halaluea " So the preacher get in the saddle and says "praise God " the horse stats walking, again he says "Praise God " be starts trotting, "Praise God " the horse starts running. Now the preacher loves fast horse's s o he yells "PRAISE GOD " Now the horse is in an all out dash the preacher has never ridden a horse this fast, when suddenly he sees that there is a cliff coming up fast, he says " Halaluea." But the horse keeps running, again he shouts halaluea, but the horse doesn't hear him, finally he leans forward and yells "HALALUEA " as loud as he can and horse stops right at the edge of the cliff with only inches to spare. The preacher takes a deep breath as he looks over the cliff, and says " Praise God" Edited April 25, 2020 by jaxson50 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
01GT eibach Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 1 hour ago, jaxson50 said: A preacher sees an advertisement for a religious horse so he goes to see about buying it. The seller says " get on the horse, when you want to go just say " Praise God " and he will start walking, if you want to go faster just say "praise God " and he will speed up ", when you want to stop say " Halaluea " So the preacher get in the saddle and says "praise God " the horse stats walking, again he says "Praise God " be starts trotting, "Praise God " the horse starts running. Now the preacher loves fast horse's s o he yells "PRAISE GOD " Now the horse is in an all out dash the preacher has never ridden a horse this fast, when suddenly he sees that there is a cliff coming up fast, he says " Halaluea." But the horse keeps running, again he shouts halaluea, but the horse doesn't hear him, finally he leans forward and yells "HALALUEA " as loud as he can and horse stops right at the edge of the cliff with only inches to spare. The preacher takes a deep breath as he looks over the cliff, and says " Praise God" Very good -- quotable even. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 Someone lent me a CD by Placebo. I couldn't tell the difference between them and The Cure. 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinch Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 8 hours ago, jdgm said: Someone lent me a CD by Placebo. I couldn't tell the difference between them and The Cure. Ha ha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uncle fester Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 What do you call a deer that can't see? ... no eye deer What do you call the same deer, but without legs? ... still no eye deer 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarryUK Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 What do Nun's have written on their headstones? Returned unopened. 2 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarryUK Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 I took a Sikh girl on a date last week. But she wouldn't let me near her. Her name was Sochal Distan Singh. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparquelito Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 Here's one I made up last year. It's bad. 😐 This Presbyterian Lutheran Jewish Amish Episcopalian Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints guy walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long faith?"🙄 3 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 (edited) This is more of a mind trick, I played on my grandson when he was 6, I asked him what one plus one is, of course he said "two." I said not always, he didn't believe me, so..... Then I placed one drop of water on a saucer and said, what is that? One drop of water he replied. Then I dropped another drop of water on the first one and said some times one plus one just means a larger one. That kept him confused for the rest of the day. Another version, ask some one what one plus one is, then place one drop of blue paint into one drop of yellow , Tell them apparently one plus one equals green Edited April 26, 2020 by jaxson50 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brad1 Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 I think it equals green. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Gibson Posted April 26, 2020 Author Share Posted April 26, 2020 Did you hear the one about coronovirus? You probably won't get it. 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Dog Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 Somebody once told Chuck Norris that nothing could kill him. So he found nothing and killed it. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddybrown Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 What's Whitney Houston's favourite kind of coordination? Hand-eye... How do you know there's a singer at your door? They can't find the key and they don't know when to come in. How do you make a duck sing? Put it in the oven and bake it til its bill withers. 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Gibson Posted April 29, 2020 Author Share Posted April 29, 2020 What do you call a dog with no legs? Nothing he won't come anyway. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saturn Posted April 30, 2020 Share Posted April 30, 2020 I was bored due to all this quarantining and distancing. I took all my old wrist watches and hooked the bands together and made a belt to hold up my pants. It was a waist of time. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted April 30, 2020 Share Posted April 30, 2020 I heard the inventor of autocorrect died, I didn't even know he was I'll. 3 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 I called the tinnitus hotline today but....... It just kept ringing. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinch Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 15 hours ago, jaxson50 said: I heard the inventor of autocorrect died, I didn't even know he was I'll. 😄 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 Shakespeare walks into a pub. The landlord says "I'm not serving you - you're bard". (Just the edited 1st bit of a truly stupid........) 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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