Retired Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 Why can't bicycles stand up on their own? They are two tired. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 4 beautiful young women came across a deserted pond. They decided to go skinny dipping. The owner of the land was out working in the field and heard laughter. He grabbed his bucket and went to see the commotion. Upon arriving, one lady yells, "We aren't getting out till you leave!" The farmer yell's, "Oh I didn't come to make you girls get out, I came to feed the alligators!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 Ok, Heres one. No Light, No Work. A blonde and a brunette worked in a factory. The brunette says, "I know how to get some time off from work!" "How?" Asks the blonde. "watch this," says the brunette. She climbs up to the rafter and hangs upside down. The boss walks in, sees her and says, "What on earth are you doing?" "I'm a lightbulb," she answers. "I think you need some time off," says the boss so she jumps down and walks out. The blonde starts walking out, too. "where are You going?" says the boss. The blonde yells, "I CAN'T WORK IN THE DARK.!" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinch Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 15 hours ago, ghost_of_fl said: He had a way with words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 Whenever I go on a car journey now, before I leave the house I get some salt and put it on my left shoulder, then sprinkle some pepper on my right shoulder. I'm a seasoned traveller. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bill Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 My oldest boy once asked me if I ever smelled moth balls. I said, "Hell yeah, they smell terrible!" The little prick then asked, "How did you get their little legs apart?" 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabs Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabs Posted July 8, 2020 Share Posted July 8, 2020 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabs Posted July 8, 2020 Share Posted July 8, 2020 2 hours ago, ghost_of_fl said: Q: How many Gibson forum users does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One, but in the following ten-page discussion, someone will invoke a comparison to Nazis. That also happens if you mention "Tonewood" or Nibs.... 🙂 (well it used to anyway 😞 ) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 7 hours ago, Rabs said: What are you talking about? I use that chord in all my songs, Lol. It's called Arthritic fingers! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 What do, Alexander The Great and Winnie The Pooh have in common? Same middle name. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 What do you call Bears with no ears? B. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 What did the bra say to the hat? You go on a head. I gotta' give these two a lift! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 Why did the dog sit next to the fire? He wanted to be a hot dog! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uncle fester Posted July 12, 2020 Share Posted July 12, 2020 Q: What's brown and really sticky A: A stick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uncle fester Posted July 12, 2020 Share Posted July 12, 2020 So I've really been going over the top with everything I've been eating during this whole covid thing, started to feel down on myselg thinking I really got to get healthy again... then I thought for a second - I've been a vegan all morning that's pretty good! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 12, 2020 Share Posted July 12, 2020 A Bear walks into a bar and orders a beer...........and a coke. "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender? "I don't know?" says the Bear, "Guess, I was just born with them!" 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 13, 2020 Share Posted July 13, 2020 Why do birds fly south to warmer climates in the winter? It's much easier than walking. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 13, 2020 Share Posted July 13, 2020 What did the duck say when she bought lipstick? Put it on my bill! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 Why are Teddy Bears never hungry? Because They're always stuffed. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 17, 2020 Share Posted July 17, 2020 Which Rock group has four guys who can't sing or play instruments? Give up? Mount Rushmore! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 17, 2020 Share Posted July 17, 2020 I just left my job. I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me. What did he say? "You're Fired!" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddybrown Posted July 17, 2020 Share Posted July 17, 2020 I quit my job at the helium factory. I won't be spoken to in that tone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted July 18, 2020 Share Posted July 18, 2020 Guitarist: I want a great tone. Devil: Give me your soul and you can have it. Guitarist: Take my sins instead. Devil: Your sins?! Guitarist: Yeah. The priest is always telling me “a tone for your sins” 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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