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A preacher sees an advertisement for a religious horse so he goes to see about buying it.

The seller says " get on the horse, when you want to go just say " Praise God " and he will start walking, if you want to go faster just say "praise God " and he will speed up ", when you want to stop say " Halaluea "

So the preacher get in the saddle and says "praise God " the horse stats walking,  again he says "Praise God " be starts trotting,  "Praise God " the horse starts running.  Now the preacher loves fast horse's s o he yells "PRAISE GOD " 

Now the horse is in an all out dash  the preacher has never ridden a horse this fast,  when suddenly he sees that there is a cliff coming up fast, he says " Halaluea." But the horse keeps running,  again he shouts halaluea,  but the horse doesn't hear him, finally he leans forward and yells "HALALUEA " as loud as he can and horse stops right at the edge of the cliff with only inches to spare.

The preacher takes a deep breath as he looks over the cliff, and says 

" Praise God" 

Edited by jaxson50
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1 hour ago, jaxson50 said:

A preacher sees an advertisement for a religious horse so he goes to see about buying it.

The seller says " get on the horse, when you want to go just say " Praise God " and he will start walking, if you want to go faster just say "praise God " and he will speed up ", when you want to stop say " Halaluea "

So the preacher get in the saddle and says "praise God " the horse stats walking,  again he says "Praise God " be starts trotting,  "Praise God " the horse starts running.  Now the preacher loves fast horse's s o he yells "PRAISE GOD " 

Now the horse is in an all out dash  the preacher has never ridden a horse this fast,  when suddenly he sees that there is a cliff coming up fast, he says " Halaluea." But the horse keeps running,  again he shouts halaluea,  but the horse doesn't hear him, finally he leans forward and yells "HALALUEA " as loud as he can and horse stops right at the edge of the cliff with only inches to spare.

The preacher takes a deep breath as he looks over the cliff, and says 

" Praise God" 

Very good -- quotable even.  

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Someone lent me a CD by Placebo.

I couldn't tell the difference between them and The Cure.

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8 hours ago, jdgm said:

Someone lent me a CD by Placebo.

I couldn't tell the difference between them and The Cure.

Ha ha! 

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What do you call a deer that can't see?  ... no eye deer

What do you call the same deer, but without legs?  ...  still no eye deer

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I took a Sikh girl on a date last week. But she wouldn't let me near her. Her name was  Sochal Distan Singh.

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Here's one I made up last year. 
It's bad. 
😐

This Presbyterian Lutheran Jewish Amish Episcopalian Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints guy walks into a bar. 

Bartender says, "Why the long faith?"


🙄
 

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This is more of a mind trick,  I played on my grandson when he was 6, 

I asked  him what one plus one is,  of course he said "two."

I said not always, he didn't believe me, so.....

Then I placed one drop of water on a saucer and said, what is that?

One drop of water he replied. 

Then I dropped another drop of water on the first one and said some times one plus one just means a larger one.

That kept him confused for the rest of the day.

Another version,  ask some one what one plus one is,  then place one drop of blue paint into one drop of yellow ,

Tell them apparently one plus one equals green

Edited by jaxson50

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What's Whitney Houston's favourite kind of coordination?

Hand-eye...

How do you know there's a singer at your door?

They can't find the key and they don't know when to come in.

How do you make a duck sing?

Put it in the oven and bake it til its bill withers.

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I was bored due to all this quarantining and distancing. I took all my old wrist watches and hooked the bands together and made a belt to hold up my pants. It was a waist of time.  

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15 hours ago, jaxson50 said:

I heard the inventor of autocorrect died,  I didn't even know he was I'll.  

😄

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Shakespeare walks into a pub.

The landlord says "I'm not serving you - you're bard".

 

 

 

 

(Just the edited 1st bit of a truly stupid........)

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