Retired 971 Report post Posted October 20, 2020 Would you like to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it. 1 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ghost_of_fl 296 Report post Posted October 27, 2020 I try to say "mucho" when I'm around my Hispanic friends. It means a lot to them. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Retired 971 Report post Posted October 27, 2020 Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair....and the first thing they grab is an iron hook. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ksdaddy 550 Report post Posted October 27, 2020 I rented a limo for $300 and then found out it didn't include a driver. I can't believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffer it. 2 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pinch 381 Report post Posted October 27, 2020 Ha ha, these are all gold, Jerry - GOLD!! 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ghost_of_fl 296 Report post Posted October 27, 2020 Knock knock Who's there? Gibson forum Gibson forum who? We're sorry, but a temporary technical error has occurred which means we cannot display this site right now. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Retired 971 Report post Posted October 28, 2020 Traveling through the midwest, I stopped at an Ohio welcome center to pick up a state map. I found plenty of brochures but no maps. Then I spotted two employees and asked whether they had any. "Sure," said the first guy, "I'll get you one." As he walked to the back, the second guy explained, "We keep them in the storage room. If we leave them out on the counter, people just come in and take them." 😵🤓 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Retired 971 Report post Posted October 28, 2020 On 10/16/2020 at 1:20 PM, ghost_of_fl said: I feel bad for the girl who got no roses. 😃 She didn't have big Yabbos, Lol. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ghost_of_fl 296 Report post Posted October 28, 2020 "Pre" means before "Post" means after To use both prefixes together would be preposterous. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Retired 971 Report post Posted October 29, 2020 Two guys stole a calendar. They got six months each. 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ksdaddy 550 Report post Posted October 29, 2020 Did you hear about the two antennas that got married? The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great. 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ghost_of_fl 296 Report post Posted October 29, 2020 When I was in high school I knew this kid named Amal. He was an identical twin. His brother (Juan) went to the same school and they used to mess with the teachers by switching classes since nobody could tell them apart. Anyway, I always thought it was funny - their mother would only carry around a picture of one of them. Why? Because once you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Natural 197 Report post Posted October 30, 2020 Q: What did the leper say to the prostitute? A: Keep the tip. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Retired 971 Report post Posted October 30, 2020 I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day! 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
merciful-evans 958 Report post Posted October 30, 2020 18 hours ago, ksdaddy said: Did you hear about the two antennas that got married? The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great. My pal was killed playing tennis when the ball struck him on the forehead. It was a lovely service. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
uncle fester 461 Report post Posted November 4, 2020 A couple jokes by spider john koerner.... 1 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jdgm 858 Report post Posted November 4, 2020 (edited) Told with a musician's timing! Edited November 4, 2020 by jdgm Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rabs 1,342 Report post Posted November 13, 2020 😄 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rabs 1,342 Report post Posted November 16, 2020 1 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Retired 971 Report post Posted November 16, 2020 A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are sentenced to death by a firing squad, one by one. While they wait to be executed they come up with a plan. Right before they are to be shot, each one will yell that some natural disaster or emergency is happening to distract the soldiers and they would be able to escape. The brunette is first. As she hears the captain counting down to 0 she yells "Tornado!" As the soldiers duck for cover, she scales the wall of the prison and escapes to freedom. The redhead is next. As she hears the captain counting down to 0 she yells "EARTHQUAKE!" As the soldiers duck for cover, she scales the wall of the prison and escapes to freedom. Last is the blonde. As she hears the captain counting down to 0 she yells "FIRE!" 2 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jdgm 858 Report post Posted November 22, 2020 (edited) A workman is digging a hole at some road works next to traffic lights. A large, chauffeur driven black car pulls up alongside him as the light is red. The workman looks at the blacked-out side windows trying to see in, and then suddenly the man in the back lets the electric window down. The wokman says - "That's a lovely car you have, it must have cost a lot of money." The guy in the back says - "Thankyou. I am in shipping, you see - I work for Cunard." The workman says - "Well I work f***in' hard too but I can't afford a car like that!" Edited November 23, 2020 by jdgm Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Retired 971 Report post Posted November 23, 2020 A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him. Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?" Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up so I kept falling on my face!" Wife: "Idiot, You left your wheelchair at the bar!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ghost_of_fl 296 Report post Posted November 28, 2020 I just spit out my coffee on this one. If you don't get it, check out "The Queens Gambit" on Netflix. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Retired 971 Report post Posted November 29, 2020 12 hours ago, ghost_of_fl said: I just spit out my coffee on this one. If you don't get it, check out "The Queens Gambit" on Netflix. The Queens Gambit! Accepted, d4 d5, c4 dxc4. Declined, d4 d5, c4 e6. Lol. I've been playing since I was a toddler, I have been told many times. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ghost_of_fl 296 Report post Posted November 29, 2020 16 minutes ago, Retired said: I've been playing since I was a toddler, I have been told many times. I'm half Russian, no way I grew up not knowing how to play chess. I stopped playing for a long time (mostly because I don't have many people to play with) but this Netflix series got me into it again. I've been playing against the computer. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
