sparquelito Posted May 9, 2021 Share Posted May 9, 2021 I played folk guitar for the New Christy Menstruals. It was bloody awful.😬 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted May 10, 2021 Share Posted May 10, 2021 Happy Birthing Person’s Day and Happy Chinese Rocket Debris Re-Entry Day! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitefang Posted May 10, 2021 Share Posted May 10, 2021 (edited) Sorry; A long one----- There was a bartender named D i c k who had a regular customer, a doctor, who showed up at his bar every afternoon by 5 O'clock. He always ordered a daiquiri made with crushed almonds. D i c k usually had it sitting on the bar in the doctor's customary spot by the time he walked in the door. One day, D i c k noticed it was near time for the doctor to show up, and also he had no almonds with which to make the drink. so he quickly decided to try crushed hickory nuts instead, hoping to get away with it. When the doctor walked in, D i c k was just placing his drink on the bar. The doctor took a sip, look puzzled and asked, "Is this an almond daiquiri D i c k?" The bartender, with a pained wince replied, "No. It's a hickory daiquiri doc." Whitefang Edited May 10, 2021 by Whitefang 2 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Natural Posted May 11, 2021 Share Posted May 11, 2021 An Eskimo rode his snowmobile to small gas station and garage in a northern Alaskan town. The mechanic walks out of the garage and says, "How can I help you?" The Eskimo says, "My snowmobile is sluggish, it's running rough, and it's leaking oil. Can you take a look at it?" The mechanic says, "Sure. It'll take me a little while." The Eskimo says, "That's OK. I'll just go across the street and get some lunch." The Eskimo goes to the little cafe across the street. An hour later, the Eskimo walks back across the street to the garage. The mechanic comes out of the garage, wiping his hands on a red rag, and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal." The Eskimo wipes his mouth with his hand and says, "No, that's just a little mayonnaise from my sandwich." 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabs Posted May 18, 2021 Share Posted May 18, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted May 18, 2021 Share Posted May 18, 2021 I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted May 18, 2021 Share Posted May 18, 2021 On 5/8/2021 at 2:09 AM, Retired said: Why do Seagulls fly over the ocean? "Because if they flew over the bay, We'd call them Bagels," From Red Dwarf. Cat: Don't fish swim south for the winter? Kryten: No, that's birds sir. Cat: Birds swim south for the winter? how do they breath? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitefang Posted May 18, 2021 Share Posted May 18, 2021 On 5/4/2021 at 6:37 PM, ghost_of_fl said: May the 4th ... My guess would have been that YODA would say.... "All you need love is". Whitefang Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or, should we just keep washing our hands?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 27 minutes ago, Retired said: Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or, should we just keep washing our hands?? Yes, we can take showers now! Just be sure to leave your mask on. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitefang Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 How do you make a handkerchief dance? Put a little BOOGIE in it! Whitefang Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 On 5/18/2021 at 7:38 PM, MissouriPicker said: Yes, we can take showers now! Just be sure to leave your mask on. Haha, Is the mask a safety precaution in case we shower with the wife? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitefang Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 Not only stupid, but sick ------ What do you name a guy with no arms or legs lying on a porch? MATT. What do you name a guy with no arms or legs in a swimming pool? BOB Where does a one legged waitress work? iHop Whitefang 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Natural Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 Did you hear about the hockey game at the leper colony? There was a face off in the corner. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Natural Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitefang Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 Reminds me of some good advice. If a leper walks up to you and tries to pull that old joke by asking you, "Pull my finger."----- Just don't do it. Whitefang 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LPguitarman Posted May 21, 2021 Share Posted May 21, 2021 On 7/8/2020 at 3:15 PM, Rabs said: That also happens if you mention "Tonewood" or Nibs.... 🙂 (well it used to anyway 😞 ) Or Pick Guards On or Off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitefang Posted May 22, 2021 Share Posted May 22, 2021 An old BENNY HILL gag------ Welfare caseworker: "My record shows you were married for 7 years, yet you have 15 children. How do you account for that?" Benny( as single mother): "He comes around every now and then to apologize." Whitefang Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparquelito Posted May 22, 2021 Share Posted May 22, 2021 Q: What does an Alabama gal say after sex?" A: "Get offa me, Paw, you're mashing mah cigarettes!!"😗 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdecantoo Posted May 23, 2021 Share Posted May 23, 2021 My friend Joe just came off of the Dolly Parton diet........ It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Natural Posted May 24, 2021 Share Posted May 24, 2021 Did you hear about the optician that accidentally fell into his lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparquelito Posted May 24, 2021 Share Posted May 24, 2021 This baby seal walks into a club. 😬 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdecantoo Posted May 25, 2021 Share Posted May 25, 2021 The brownies I started in my sister's Easy Bake Oven in 1965 are done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted May 27, 2021 Share Posted May 27, 2021 So, I guess it’s not a good idea to ask your wife what’s for supper while she’s cutting the grass! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saturn Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 A midget psychic escaped from prison. There's a small medium at large. 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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