Stupid Jokes

[Whitefang]

A beaver goes into a bar, jumps up on a stool and asks,

"Hey!  Where's the bar tender?"   

Whitefang

[jdgm]

I don't get it I'm Engli - oh wait. 

Tender.....

yuurghh    

Edited May 28, 2021 by jdgm

[Mr. Natural]

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.

[Whitefang]

But, psychiatrists can be real helpful.  For example---

I used to be terrified to answer the phone.  It would ring and I'd hide under the bed or in a closet.  But then I went to a psychiatrist to help me with that and it helped!  I'm no longer afraid when the telephone rings.  In fact, I'll answer the phone whether it rings or not!  

Whitefang

[Whitefang]

Two old men in a restaurant.  One looks up from the menu and asks the other,

"What's this here on the menu.....  'Soup Du Jour'?"  "What IS that?" 

The other old man says, "Oh, I've had that before.  It's chicken."    

Whitefang

[Mr. Natural]

Did you hear about the cannibal that passed a missionary on a jungle trail?

[merciful-evans]

On 5/30/2021 at 8:20 PM, Mr. Natural said:

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.

Anyone attempting suicide should get the death penalty.

[Whitefang]

Actually, the remake idea might not be a joke, but IS stupid nonetheless.  

But as far as stupid jokes.....

Didja hear about the cowboy that was so conceited he wore a 50 gallon hat?  

(Thank you, Hazel Burke  )

Whitefang

[Rabs]

[Retired]

A woman is sitting in her hotel room and hears a knock at the door.  She opens the door to see a man whom she's never met before. He says, "I'm sorry, I have made a mistake, I thought this was my room."  He then goes down the corridor and into the elevator. The woman goes back into her room and calls security. What made the woman so suspicious of the man?

( Think about the riddle before reading the answer. )  

Answer:

If he really thought it was his hotel room, he would have tried to open the door - not knock on it first. 

[Cabarone]

There was a tradesman, a painter named Jack, who was very interested
in making a dollar where he could.
So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time.
Eventually, the local church decided to do a big restoration project.
Jack put in a painting bid and, because his price was so competitive,
he got the job. And so he started, erecting the trestles and putting
up the planks, and buying the paint and thinning it down with
turpentine.
Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done,
when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky opened
and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the
church and knocking Jack off the scaffold to land on the lawn. Jack
was no fool.
He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees
and cried, "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty Voice spoke, "Repaint! Repaint! And
thin no more!"

[Rabs]

[Rabs]

 

[Rabs]

[Whitefang]

On 6/15/2021 at 10:01 PM, Rabs said:

Nothing came up for me, but did it have anything to do with this?

Whitefang

[Rabs]

1 minute ago, Whitefang said:

Nothing came up for me, but did it have anything to do with this?

Whitefang

Weird.. Not seen it do that before..

No it was an illustration. Theres a picture of what could be the Titanic going down and two of the musicians floating on their big cases like they were cello players and one says to the other.  I wonder how the piccolo player is doing... 

[Retired]

We were at an outing today with the grandkids and got our fill with knock knock jokes.

Knock Knock. Who's there?  Luke. Luke who?  Luke through the peephole and find out!      Knock Knock. Who's there?  Cow says. Cow says who? No, a cow says Mooooo! Thats just 2 out of 20 we heard. Lol.       I shared them because this is supposed to be stupid jokes. 

[Whitefang]

I got caught by a co=-worker once who rolled up and asked, "Hey, wanna hear a good 'knock knock' joke?"  And I said, "Sure."

So he told me, "OK, you start it off."    So I said, "Knock knock."   and he came back with, "Who's there?"     

Got me good with that one.  

Whitefang

 

[Sgt. Pepper]

On 6/25/2021 at 7:39 AM, ghost_of_fl said:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.  For example:

1.  I ate my friend's lunch. 

2.  I ate my friend's colon. 

I almost lost my lunch after reading that.

[Rabs]

[sparquelito]

I was at a party, and struck up a conversation with a fellow who came there with some old friends of mine. 

My whiskey drink had gone dry, and I started to go to the bar and get myself another. 
I asked my new friend if he wanted one as well. 

He said, "No, I have a medical condition.  Any time I drink alcohol, I break out in handcuffs."

😞

 

[Whitefang]

Red Skelton once complained about his wife being superstitious.  "She refuses to clean house during any week that has a Friday in it."  

But that could never happen to me because I think it's bad luck to believe in superstition.   

Whitefang

[merciful-evans]

she was kidnapped by mimes, who did unspeakable things.

[Whitefang]

Ya want stupid?

Well, you ASKED for it!  

A man walks into a real estate office and asks a man behind a desk;

"You're an expert on real estate?"  And the man at the desk answers, "Yes."

So, the first guy, grabbing his crotch, asked,  "So tell me, is this a lot?    

Whitefang

[Pinch]

On 7/7/2021 at 6:38 PM, ghost_of_fl said:

I apologize in advance for the following tasteless joke.  

Obstetrician:  I have good news and bad news

Pregnant woman: Start with the good news 

Obstetrician:  Your son will be able to park wherever he wants

Ha ha! I dunno, maybe someone does already, but you could probably get paid to tell jokes!