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A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below.He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me

Here's one I made up last year.  It's bad.  😐 This Presbyterian Lutheran Jewish Amish Episcopalian Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints guy walks into a bar.  Bartender says, "Why the long faith?

Rock stars when they were young..   

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Sorry;  A long one-----

There was a bartender named D i c k who had a regular customer, a doctor, who showed up at his bar every afternoon by 5 O'clock.  He always ordered a daiquiri made with crushed almonds.  D i c k usually had it sitting on the bar in the doctor's customary spot by the time he walked in the door.

One day, D i c k noticed it was near time for the doctor to show up, and also he had no almonds with which to make the drink.  so he quickly decided to try crushed hickory nuts instead, hoping to get away with it.  When the doctor walked in, D i c k was just placing his drink on the bar.  The doctor took a sip, look puzzled and asked, "Is this an almond daiquiri D i c k?"   The bartender, with a pained wince replied, "No.  It's a hickory daiquiri doc."  [huh]

Whitefang

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An Eskimo rode his snowmobile to small gas station and garage in a northern Alaskan town.  The mechanic walks out of the garage and says, "How can I help you?" 

The Eskimo says, "My snowmobile is sluggish, it's running rough, and it's leaking oil.  Can you take a look at it?"

The mechanic says, "Sure.  It'll take me a little while."

The Eskimo says, "That's OK.  I'll just go across the street and get some lunch."  The Eskimo goes to the little cafe across the street.

An hour later, the Eskimo walks back across the street to the garage.  The mechanic comes out of the garage, wiping his hands on a red rag, and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal."

The Eskimo wipes his mouth with his hand and says, "No, that's just a little mayonnaise from my sandwich."

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On 5/8/2021 at 2:09 AM, Retired said:

Why do Seagulls fly over the ocean? "Because if they flew over the bay, 

We'd call them Bagels," 

From Red Dwarf.

Cat: Don't fish swim south for the winter?

Kryten: No, that's birds sir.

Cat: Birds swim south for the winter? how do they breath?

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On 5/4/2021 at 6:37 PM, ghost_of_fl said:

May the 4th ...

86843426.jpg

My guess would have been that YODA would say....

"All you need love is".    [wink]

Whitefang

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On 5/18/2021 at 7:38 PM, MissouriPicker said:

Yes, we can take showers now!  Just be sure to leave your mask on.

Haha, Is the mask a safety precaution in case we shower with the wife?  

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Not only stupid, but sick  [-X------

What do you name a guy with no arms or legs lying on a porch?

MATT.  :rolleyes:

What do you name a guy with no arms or legs in a swimming pool?

BOB   :rolleyes:

Where does a one legged waitress work?

iHop   [blush]

Whitefang

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Reminds me of some good advice.

If a leper walks up to you and tries to pull that old joke by asking you, "Pull my finger."-----

Just don't do it.

Whitefang

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Interviewer: How do you explain this 4-year gap on your resume?

Me:  That's when I went to Yale. 

Interviewer:   That's pretty impressive.  You're hired.  

Me:  Thanks, I really need this Yob. 

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