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Stupid Jokes


Mr. Gibson
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A woman is sitting in her hotel room and hears a knock at the door.  She opens the door to see a man whom she's never met before. He says, "I'm sorry, I have made a mistake, I thought this was my room."  He then goes down the corridor and into the elevator. The woman goes back into her room and calls security. What made the woman so suspicious of the man?

( Think about the riddle before reading the answer. )  

Answer:

If he really thought it was his hotel room, he would have tried to open the door - not knock on it first. 

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There was a tradesman, a painter named Jack, who was very interested
in making a dollar where he could.
So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time.
Eventually, the local church decided to do a big restoration project.
Jack put in a painting bid and, because his price was so competitive,
he got the job. And so he started, erecting the trestles and putting
up the planks, and buying the paint and thinning it down with
turpentine.
Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done,
when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky opened
and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the
church and knocking Jack off the scaffold to land on the lawn. Jack
was no fool.
He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees
and cried, "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty Voice spoke, "Repaint! Repaint! And
thin no more!"

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1 minute ago, Whitefang said:

Nothing came up for me, but did it have anything to do with this?

Whitefang

Weird.. Not seen it do that before..

No it was an illustration. Theres a picture of what could be the Titanic going down and two of the musicians floating on their big cases like they were cello players and one says to the other.  I wonder how the piccolo player is doing... 

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We were at an outing today with the grandkids and got our fill with knock knock jokes.

Knock Knock. Who's there?  Luke. Luke who?  Luke through the peephole and find out!      Knock Knock. Who's there?  Cow says. Cow says who? No, a cow says Mooooo! Thats just 2 out of 20 we heard. Lol.       I shared them because this is supposed to be stupid jokes. 

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I got caught by a co=-worker once who rolled up and asked, "Hey, wanna hear a good 'knock knock' joke?"  And I said, "Sure."

So he told me, "OK, you start it off."    So I said, "Knock knock."   and he came back with, "Who's there?"  [flapper]   

Got me good with that one.  [wink]

Whitefang

 

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On 6/25/2021 at 7:39 AM, ghost_of_fl said:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.  For example:

1.  I ate my friend's lunch. 

2.  I ate my friend's colon. 

I almost lost my lunch after reading that.

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I was at a party, and struck up a conversation with a fellow who came there with some old friends of mine. 

My whiskey drink had gone dry, and I started to go to the bar and get myself another. 
I asked my new friend if he wanted one as well. 

He said, "No, I have a medical condition.  Any time I drink alcohol, I break out in handcuffs."

😞

 

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Red Skelton once complained about his wife being superstitious.  "She refuses to clean house during any week that has a Friday in it."  [wink]

But that could never happen to me because I think it's bad luck to believe in superstition.   [blink]

Whitefang

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Ya want stupid?

Well, you ASKED for it!  [wink]

A man walks into a real estate office and asks a man behind a desk;

"You're an expert on real estate?"  And the man at the desk answers, "Yes."

So, the first guy, grabbing his crotch, asked,  "So tell me, is this a lot?    :rolleyes:

Whitefang

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On 7/7/2021 at 6:38 PM, ghost_of_fl said:

I apologize in advance for the following tasteless joke.  

Obstetrician:  I have good news and bad news

Pregnant woman: Start with the good news 

Obstetrician:  Your son will be able to park wherever he wants

Ha ha! I dunno, maybe someone does already, but you could probably get paid to tell jokes! 

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A young couple want to join a church so they go to see the pastor.

The Pastor tells them that they have to go through a sort of trial period and have to abstain from sex for 4 weeks.

They respond that it will be difficult because they are newlyweds but they will try.

Three weeks go by and they come back to see the pastor who asks them how they are doing.

The husband says that the first week was really tough, the second week almost impossible, but they got through it.  But during the third week he couldn't take it anymore and one day when his wife bent down to pick up a can of paint he ravaged her right there on the spot.

The pastor says "I'm sorry, but  you are not welcome at this church"

The husband replies "We are not welcome at Home Depot any more either".

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