merciful-evans Posted August 17, 2022 Share Posted August 17, 2022 I'm living in constant fear. I threw a boomerang last week. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gearbasher Posted August 17, 2022 Share Posted August 17, 2022 Q: What did the Deadhead say when he ran out of weed? A: Man, this music sucks! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted August 20, 2022 Share Posted August 20, 2022 9 hours ago, ghost_of_fl said: Yep, Nuclear Fish and Chips Fission Ships are a bit dated now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gearbasher Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 (edited) This guy wants to buy a horse. He goes out to a ranch and starts checking out the horses. He picks out this beautiful horse and tells the owner he wants to buy it. The owner says: "This horse doesn't look too good. How about you pick another?" The guy says: "What do you mean? He's beautiful. I'll take this one." The owner says: "I'm telling you this horse doesn't look too good. Are you sure you want him?" The man replies: "Yes, I want this one." And he buys it. The next day he comes back to the ranch with the horse. He brings it to the owner and says: "You sold me a blind horse!" The owner replies: I told you twice, he doesn't look too good." Edited August 24, 2022 by gearbasher 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CROWB8 Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 (edited) I think this qualifies. Guy I knew, married, told by his wife to quit drinking. But, he'd buy beers after work and slam them while driving on a back road going to his home. One night after work, it's been snowing. Throwing the empty can out the window. Distracted, goes off street and gets stuck in a snow embankment. Jumps out and starts to dig his car out. Mean while, his smart car notices a possible accident, requests response from driver. Since driver is outside not responding, smart car alerts police and aide units giving his location. Needless to say he got busted. Not only that, very small town and made the cover of the local paper. So, that is stupid. And it is a joke. Right? Edited August 30, 2022 by CROWB8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted August 31, 2022 Share Posted August 31, 2022 A row of 6 wind turbines on a wind farm: All of them big metal fans. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CROWB8 Posted August 31, 2022 Share Posted August 31, 2022 (edited) Q: What do you tell a man with two black eyes? A: Nothing. He's already been told twice. Edited August 31, 2022 by CROWB8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gearbasher Posted August 31, 2022 Share Posted August 31, 2022 (edited) Every time someone posts a joke, there's a word in it that reminds me of another. So, Here goes: A man comes home from church one Sunday with a black eye. His wife asks: "What happened?" The man replies: "I was sitting behind a young woman in church. When we stood up, her dress was wedged in the crack of her butt. It looked uncomfortable. So, I reached down and pulled it out. That's when she turned around and slugged me." The wife says: "I guess you shouldn't have done that." The next Sunday, the man comes home with another black eye. His wife asks: "Now what happened?" The man replies. "I was sitting behind the same young woman and when we stood up, her dress was wedged in the crack of her butt. Again, it looked so uncomfortable, I had to reach down and pull it out. That's when she slugged me again." His wife says: "I hope you leaned your lesson." The next Sunday, the man comes home with a broken nose. His wife says: "Don't tell me you did it again." The man replies: "No. I was sitting behind the same young woman and when we stood up her dress was fine. Now, I knew she didn't like it like that, so I tucked it back in." Edited September 1, 2022 by gearbasher 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gearbasher Posted September 4, 2022 Share Posted September 4, 2022 What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? The taste, 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 We are not schizophrenic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gearbasher Posted September 10, 2022 Share Posted September 10, 2022 How many bodybuilders does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb and the other two to say: "Wow. You're pumped!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitefang Posted September 10, 2022 Share Posted September 10, 2022 Heh. I figured it would only take two. One to screw in the bulb while the second one holds him up to the fixture with one hand on an ankle instead of just one using a ladder. Whitefang Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gearbasher Posted September 10, 2022 Share Posted September 10, 2022 I think it should've taken 4. One to get the Steroids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CROWB8 Posted September 12, 2022 Share Posted September 12, 2022 (edited) Southern California, Police pull over a car for going too slow. Officer says to the senior woman driver, do you know how slow you were going? She replies, the speed sign said 5. Officer says, no mam, that sign denotes the hwy as Interstate 5. He notices all the other senior ladies in the car were white as a sheet and shaking. Officer asks, whats wrong with the other ladies? Senior lady driver says, I think we just came from hwy99. Edited September 12, 2022 by CROWB8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted September 12, 2022 Share Posted September 12, 2022 What’s the difference between The Titanic and California? The Titanic sank with its lights on. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted September 12, 2022 Share Posted September 12, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gearbasher Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 How do you tell a male chromosome from a female chromosome? You pull it's genes down. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitefang Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 13 hours ago, gearbasher said: How do you tell a male chromosome from a female chromosome? You pull it's genes down. Man! I remember Mr. Moore, my 8th grade science teacher telling us that one. He was always joking, and not always about science. One----- Two guys walking down the street pass by a parked car and one guy says, "that couple in that car must be playing checkers." The other guy asked, "What makes you think so?" and the first guy answers, "Because I heard the girl tell the guy; 'You make another move like that and I'll crown you!' " Whitefang Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CROWB8 Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 On 9/5/2022 at 3:20 AM, merciful-evans said: We are not schizophrenic And I'm NOT in denial! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CROWB8 Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 (edited) 19 hours ago, gearbasher said: How do you tell a male chromosome from a female chromosome? You pull it's genes down. First ever form of "Sharking" ------ Look it up folks. Type in the word followed by three x's. I'ma dirty old man. I'll go back to my room........... Edited September 13, 2022 by CROWB8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted September 14, 2022 Share Posted September 14, 2022 I don’t know what my spirit animal is, but I suspect it has rabies. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted September 15, 2022 Share Posted September 15, 2022 1 hour ago, ghost_of_fl said: Don’t be surprised…..lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gearbasher Posted September 16, 2022 Share Posted September 16, 2022 (edited) WARNING: This one is really bad. This guy shows up at his new job as a bus driver. The dispatcher brings him out to the lot and shows him the bus he'll be driving. He tells him: "This is the only bus available at the moment." The bus is painted with pictures of Big Bird, Elmo, Grover, Bert and Ernie, etc. The dispatcher tells him it's a quiet route and he shouldn't get many riders. The guy heads out on his route. He has no riders for the first hour or so, then at the next stop he sees two huge women. He pulls over and they get on. The first women says: "You're new. Let me introduce myself. I'm Patty and my friend here is named Patty, also." They sit down and he drives off. A few stops later, one of the Patties yells. "Driver stop. Lester G. is coming. He's just down the block." The guy pulls over and an old man gets on. He says hello to the two women, sits in the back of the bus, removes his shoes and socks and starts picking at his feet. About ten minutes later, there is a young kid waiting at a stop. The driver pull up, the kid gets on and says; "Hey a new guy, I'm Roosevelt, but the call me Special Ross." He fist bumps the driver and sits down. During the next hour, or so, all the passengers get off at their respective stops and nobody boards the bus for the rest of the day. When the guy gets home, his wife asks him: "So, how was your first day?" The guy replies: "I only had four passengers and it was strange. Very strange." She asks him: "What do you mean?" He replies: "Well. I had two obese Patties, Special Ross, Lester G. picking his bunions on a Sesame Street bus." I told you it was bad. Edited September 16, 2022 by gearbasher 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinch Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 Oh, man... These are all gold 😄 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saturn Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 People sayin grass don't be gettin wet in the mornin, but it dew. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.