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Mr. Gibson

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I have trouble comprehending the context of things as others do. Example, I was the only one that showed up naked to a gender reveal party! 
I’m now having second thoughts about an upcoming diaper party for a nephew!

Edited by gdecant1
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A seven year old goes to his little girlfriends father and says "Sir I need to talk to you - I'd like to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage."

The father, humoring him says "Before I could grant you that I have a few questions.  If you were to get married where would you plan to live?"  The youngster replies "Well, Susy's bedroom is a little bigger than mine at home, so we thought we would live there".

The father then asks " If you are married, how will you support my daughter?"

The little guys replies "I get a $7 a week allowance and Susy gets $10 a week.  We did the math and that comes out to more than $200 per year which should be plenty."

Finally the father says "Usually when two people get married pretty soon along come some little ones.  How will you handle that?"

The kid replies "Well, we've been lucky so far."

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Marriage jokes?  OK-----

A woman is strongly urging her very wealthy 86 year old Uncle not to marry the 23 year old model he was scheduled to marry in a few weeks.  She tried telling him;

"She doesn't really love you Uncle.  She's only marrying you for everything she could get her hands on."  To which the Uncle replied---

"Well, that's only fair."  [wink]

Whitefang

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10 minutes ago, MissouriPicker said:

This guy goes in for a prostrate exam.  The doctor says,  “ Take your clothes off and bend over.”

The guy says, “Where should I put my clothes?”

The doctor says, “Throw them over there with mine.”

Hey doc! I can feel you examining me. But, I also feel both of your hands on my shoulders.

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6 minutes ago, ghost_of_fl said:

All men like to think they are marrying NYMPHOMANIACS. 

The problem is, after a few years the nympho leaves and the maniac stays. 

Not really a joke. All women are bat sh!t crazy. And, as someone, eloquently, put it: "If you bled from your genitals once a month, you'd be crazy too."

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13 hours ago, ghost_of_fl said:

All men like to think they are marrying NYMPHOMANIACS. 

The problem is, after a few years the nympho leaves and the maniac stays. 

Reminds me of another.........

How do you cure a  nymphomaniac?

Marry her.

Then too;

Back in the fledgling women's Lib days, a feminist movement leader was giving a speech at a local town hall.  She proclaimed, "Women have suffered in the home, in the workplace, economically, socially, and even in medical care.  Is there any way in which women have never suffered?"

And a masculine voice from the back of the hall said.....

"In silence!"

Whitefang

Edited by Whitefang
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Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole, but was never able to attract the girls.

He decided to ask his friend Billy Bob for advice. Billy Bob explains, "It's those baggy swim shorts that make you look like an old fool. They're years out of style. Bubba, grab yourself a pair of Speedos, about two sizes too little and drop a fist-sized Tater down inside them. I'm tellin' 'ya man you'll have all the babes you want!"

The following weekend Bubba hits the swimming hole, with his spanking new tight Speedos and his fist sized Tater. Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their face, turning away laughing and looking sick.

Bubba went back to his buddy Billy Bob and asked him, "What's wrong now?!"

"Lord Amighty Bubba!!" said Billy Bob!

"The Tater goes in the front!!!"

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How about a few of those old "Little Willy" poems?

"Willy found some dynamite;

Couldn't understand it quite;

Curiosity never pays;

It rained Willy seven days."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Father did while fishing late;

Cut the sister up for bait;

We miss her when it's time to dine;

But Father's fish tastes simply fine."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Willy, with a taste for gore;

nailed the baby to the door;

Mother said, in humorous quaint;

'Careful Will, don't  mar the paint' "

Whitefang

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Here are some old ones. (and not very Politically Correct)

What do you call a man with no arms or legs outside the door?

Matt

 

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your  pool?

Bob

 

 What do you call a guy with no arms or legs hanging on your wall?

Art

 

Where does a woman with one leg work?

Ihop

 

What do you call an Irish woman with one leg?

Ilene

 

What to you call a Spanish woman with no legs?

Consuelo

 

Why do women have legs?

So they don't leave snail trails when they walk.

 

Why did the dead baby cross the road?

He was nailed to the chicken.

Edited by gearbasher
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Ah, you want politically incorrect?  😉

Why did Gen. Santa Anna  attack the Alamo with 2,000 Mexican soldiers"---

He only had one car.

Why do Mexican women wear long skirts?

To hide the "no-pest" strip.

What do Polish women and hockey players have in common?

They wear the same pads for three periods.

 

What has 100 feet and 50 teeth?

The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.

Want to keep black kids from jumping on the bed?

Put Velcro on the ceiling.

Bad taste?  Sure.  But comedy always came in a wide variety of flavors.  [wink]

Whitefang

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10 hours ago, saturn said:

True story. Today my wife told me her make-up mirror broke. I said "I can't see myself living without a mirror"  :rolleyes:

 

My wife and I often traded good natured barbs.  I might have said, "Serves you right for LOOKING at it!"  and would quickly duck.  [wink]

And she might have replied, "It didn't break until I turned it in YOUR direction!"  [smile]

Whitefang

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On 11/19/2022 at 10:21 AM, Whitefang said:

Ah, you want politically incorrect?  😉

Why did Gen. Santa Anna  attack the Alamo with 2,000 Mexican soldiers"---

He only had one car.

Why do Mexican women wear long skirts?

To hide the "no-pest" strip.

What do Polish women and hockey players have in common?

They wear the same pads for three periods.

 

What has 100 feet and 50 teeth?

The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.

Want to keep black kids from jumping on the bed?

Put Velcro on the ceiling.

Bad taste?  Sure.  But comedy always came in a wide variety of flavors.  [wink]

Whitefang

Funny stuff!   I wish we could bring back folks like Don Rickles and Joan Rivers, etc.

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