jdgm Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 I told someone a chemistry joke the other day.....but there was no reaction. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. Pepper Posted May 16, 2020 Share Posted May 16, 2020 (edited) How much dirt is in a hole. None Edited May 16, 2020 by Sgt. Pepper 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brad1 Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparquelito Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.😔 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 What are made of brass and sound like Tom Jones? Tom bones.......... 😬 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 Yesterday I swallowed some food coloring. I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 Writing with a dull pencil is pointless. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 I hate those Russian dolls. They're just so full of themselves... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgm Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know, I'd rather live in the dark. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 On 5/6/2020 at 7:37 PM, ghost_of_fl said: A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below.He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.""You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist. "I do" replies the man. "How did you know?""Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone." The man below replies, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault." Haha, Sounds like management at Burlington Northern at Havelock shops. Ok, They hired a general car foreman after interviewing 80 candidates, Vern, as told was the sharpest knife in the drawer. He got the job and before he started work, he was asked a question. See that wheel on the B end of that car? What is it? He said, That's easy..."It's a steering wheel to drive the car down the tracks!" Yes, actually thats a true story. He thought the hand brake was a steering wheel. Lol. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 A Flip Wilso classic 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 Round 2 , Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Natural Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me. 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Natural Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 Rodney Dangerfield... My wife told me she wanted to have sex in the back seat of the car. She wanted me to drive. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Natural Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 Why don't blind people sky dive? It scares the $h!t out of their dogs. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Natural Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 Well, it's getting kind of late. I'm going to log off, shut down, and go to bed. I'll sleep good tonight. In fact, I always sleep good. I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed. Good night all. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 On 6/7/2020 at 5:13 PM, jdgm said: How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know, I'd rather live in the dark. Haha, True! True! True! O my gosh, Back when I had that brain tumor cancer, my wife had her mom come babysit me 8 hours a day while Deb. was at work. I still had double vision and taking steroids for the swelling on the brain. That was a nightmare on top of the cancer, LOL. She would not go away till Deb got home. Doctor's orders that I wasn't allowed to drive or leave the house. Deb made sure her Mom enforced those rules on me. One day, her mom had a hair appointment and said, "I'll be back." Oh, Thank God, I thought, She left and I grabbed my Doberman, Bandit, and we went for a walk around the neighborhood. Haha. Yes, Doctors don't always know what their talking about! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Natural Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 Speaking of changing light bulbs and doctors ... How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change the bulb and two to pull the chair out from underneath him. (You may substitute pre-law for pre-med as the situation requires.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 Dumb jokes huh? A husband died. A few years later the wife died. As she got to heaven, she saw her husband and ran up to him with tears in her eyes. "Darling, oh how I've missed you!" The husband extends his arms stopping her from embracing him and says, "Woah there woman. The contract was just until death." 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 How do you stop an astronaut's baby from crying? You rocket! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabs Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. Pepper Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 11 minutes ago, ghost_of_fl said: Hee hee Like I said I live in the South and see them all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. Pepper Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) 29 minutes ago, ghost_of_fl said: Won't be seeing them at NASCAR anymore tho. https://www.cnn.com/2020/06/10/us/nascar-bans-confederate-flag-spt-trnd/index.html Yeah, those guys are gonna follow the rules with no shirt on and a gut full of P-iss-wieser. Who's your driver? Edited June 13, 2020 by Sgt. Pepper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 13 hours ago, ghost_of_fl said: Dogs might be "man's best friend" ... but a cat will never tell the police where the drugs are. My sex life is like a Lamborghini. I don't have a Lamborghini. 😣 That's Funny, Nor do I. Lol. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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