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Stupid Jokes


Mr. Gibson
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Got this from a short-lived sitcom of Bonnie Hunt's...

Her doctor husband, in a hurry, picked her out an anniversary gift at an airport gift shop.  Turned out to be a nightgown three sizes too big for her.

His explanation was, "I was in a hurry, I held it up and it looked like it would fit, so...."

And she held it up to reveal a tent-sized hunk of fabric, and asked, "I look this big to you?"  And while he was trying to stammer out an answer the kid from next door enters to be with their son, that boy's best friend.  He asks Bonnie's son what's new and the son answers,   "My Dad thinks my mom's fat."  And the other kid says, "That's no problem because you guys have a lot of money."  And Bonnie asks,  "What's that have to do with anything?"  And the next door kid answers...

"My mom says you can afford to lose a few pounds!"  [laugh]

Whitefang

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This guy wants to buy a horse. He goes out to a ranch and starts checking out the horses. He picks out this beautiful horse and tells the owner he wants to buy it.

The owner says: "This horse doesn't look too good. How about you pick another?"

The guy says: "What do you mean? He's beautiful. I'll take this one."

The owner says: "I'm telling you this horse doesn't look too good. Are you sure you want him?"

The man replies: "Yes, I want this one."

And he buys it.

The next day he comes back to the ranch with the horse.

He brings it to the owner and says: "You sold me a blind horse!"

The owner replies: I told you twice, he doesn't look too good."

Edited by gearbasher
  • Haha 2
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I think this qualifies.

Guy I knew, married, told by his wife to quit drinking. But, he'd buy beers after work and slam them while driving on a back road going to his home. One night after work, it's been snowing. Throwing the empty can out the window. Distracted, goes off street and gets stuck in a snow embankment. Jumps out and starts to dig his car out.

Mean while, his smart car notices a possible accident, requests response from driver. Since driver is outside not responding, smart car alerts police and aide units giving his location.

Needless to say he got busted. Not only that, very small town and made the cover of the local paper.

So, that is stupid. And it is a joke. Right?

Edited by CROWB8
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Every time someone posts a joke, there's a word in it that reminds me of another. So, Here goes:

A man comes home from church one Sunday with a black eye.

His wife asks: "What happened?"

The man replies: "I was sitting behind a young woman in church. When we stood up, her dress was wedged in the crack of her butt. It looked uncomfortable. So, I reached down and pulled it out. That's when she turned around and slugged me."

The wife says: "I guess you shouldn't have done that."

The next Sunday, the man comes home with another black eye.

His wife asks: "Now what happened?"

The man replies. "I was sitting behind the same young woman and when we stood up, her dress was wedged in the crack of her butt. Again, it looked so uncomfortable, I had to reach down and pull it out. That's when she slugged me again."

His wife says: "I hope you leaned your lesson."

The next Sunday, the man comes home with a broken nose.

His wife says: "Don't tell me you did it again."

The man replies: "No. I was sitting behind the same young woman and when we stood up her dress was fine. Now, I knew she didn't like it like that, so I tucked it back in."

 

Edited by gearbasher
  • Haha 2
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Southern California,

Police pull over a car for going too slow. Officer says to the senior woman driver, do you know how slow you were going? She replies, the speed sign said 5. Officer says, no mam, that sign denotes the hwy as Interstate 5. He notices all the other senior ladies in the car were white as a sheet and shaking. Officer asks, whats wrong with the other ladies? Senior lady driver says, I think we just came from hwy99.

Edited by CROWB8
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13 hours ago, gearbasher said:

How do you tell a male chromosome from a female chromosome?

You pull it's genes down.

Man!  I remember Mr. Moore, my 8th grade science teacher telling us that one.  He was always joking, and not always about science.

One-----

Two guys walking down the street pass by a parked car and one guy says, "that couple in that car must be playing checkers."  The other guy asked, "What makes you think so?"  and the first guy answers, "Because I heard the girl tell the guy; 'You make another move like that and I'll crown you!'  "  :rolleyes:

Whitefang

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