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A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below.He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me

Here's one I made up last year.  It's bad.  😐 This Presbyterian Lutheran Jewish Amish Episcopalian Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints guy walks into a bar.  Bartender says, "Why the long faith?

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My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.  I had to put my foot down.

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high.  She seemed surprised.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.  She still isn't talking to me.

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On 6/7/2020 at 5:13 PM, jdgm said:

How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

I don't know, I'd  rather live in the dark.

Haha, True! True! True! O my gosh,  Back when I had that brain tumor cancer, my wife had her mom come babysit me 8 hours a day while Deb. was at work. I still had double vision and taking steroids for the swelling on the brain.  That was a nightmare on top of the cancer, LOL. She would not go away till Deb got home.  Doctor's orders that I wasn't allowed to drive or leave the house. Deb made sure her Mom enforced those rules on me. One day, her mom had a hair appointment and said, "I'll be back."  Oh, Thank God, I thought,  She left and I grabbed my Doberman, Bandit, and we went for a walk around the neighborhood. Haha.  Yes, Doctors don't always know what their talking about! 

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Speaking of changing light bulbs and doctors ...

How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Three.  One to change the bulb and two to pull the chair out from underneath him.

 

(You may substitute pre-law for pre-med as the situation requires.)

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Dumb jokes huh?    A husband died. A few years later the wife died. As she got to heaven, she saw her husband and ran up to him with tears in her eyes.  "Darling, oh how I've missed you!" 

The husband extends his arms stopping her from embracing him and says,  "Woah there woman. The contract was just until death." 

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29 minutes ago, ghost_of_fl said:

Yeah, those guys are gonna follow the rules with no shirt on and a gut full of P-iss-wieser.

Who's your driver?

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13 hours ago, ghost_of_fl said:

Dogs might be "man's best friend" ... but a cat will never tell the police where the drugs are. 

 

My sex life is like a Lamborghini. I don't have a Lamborghini.  😣

That's Funny, Nor do I. Lol.

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