merciful-evans Posted June 17 Share Posted June 17 A hippie went for a swim in the sea, got into difficulties and drowned. The lifeguard explained. "I just couldn't reach him, he was too far out" 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fortyearspickn Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying "Jesus is watching you." The thief nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who the heck are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses??!!" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?" "Probably the same kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus," the bird answered 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gearbasher Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 I used to be a lifeguard, then some blue little kid got me fired. What does "The Sixth Sense" and the Titanic have in common? Icy (I see) dead people. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparquelito Posted July 14 Share Posted July 14 What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? Kicked out of the petting zoo. 🫠 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheepdog1969 Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 Q: What do you call the person who graduated last in their medical school class? A: Doctor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparquelito Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 A dad limerick I wrote. It's okay. I'm a dad. So I went for a walk in the woods today, Sonny I had nothing else to do, because I had no money I came across this hilarious rabbit I laughed as tripped in the place rabbits inhabit It's safe to say he was one funny bunny I'm gonna shut up now. 😒 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabs Posted September 4 Share Posted September 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheepdog1969 Posted September 8 Share Posted September 8 Q: What did the blind man say each morning when he walked passed the fish market? A: Good morning ladies. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted September 9 Share Posted September 9 15 hours ago, Sheepdog1969 said: Q: What did the blind man say each morning when he walked passed the fish market? A: Good morning ladies. Takes me back to my early teen days when I didn’t understand that joke….lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissouriPicker Posted September 9 Share Posted September 9 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted September 9 Share Posted September 9 It was said that only in the uk would this be recognised as a message of affection. So.. Is it? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted September 10 Share Posted September 10 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gearbasher Posted September 11 Share Posted September 11 (edited) I was paying my neighbor's kid to pick up the poop in my yard. It took a month before he realized I didn't have a dog. Edited September 11 by gearbasher 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RBSinTo Posted September 11 Share Posted September 11 7 hours ago, gearbasher said: I was paying my neighbor's kid to pick up the poop in my yard. It took a month before he realized I didn't have a dog. gearbasher, Why didn't you use that money to have indoor plumbing installed? RBSinTo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saturn Posted September 14 Share Posted September 14 Q: How do you get a bass player off of your porch? A: Pay for the pizza 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparquelito Posted September 14 Share Posted September 14 Q: How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb? A: One to change it, and 5 to sing about how good the old one was. 🥲 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saturn Posted September 15 Share Posted September 15 Q: How does a lead singer change a light bulb? A: Get on a ladder and hold the bulb, while waiting for the word to revolve around them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RBSinTo Posted September 17 Share Posted September 17 Q. How many lead guitar players does it take to change a light bulb? A. 100. One to change the bulb, and 99 to say they could do a better job. RBSinTo 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheepdog1969 Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 Never employ a house cleaning service that uses Apple based computing, because they don't do windows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RBSinTo Posted September 20 Share Posted September 20 Q. How do you know if it's a singer at your front door? A. They can't find the key, and don't know when to come in. RBSinTo 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RBSinTo Posted September 20 Share Posted September 20 Q. What do you call a bass player without a girlfriend? A. Homeless RBSinTo 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheepdog1969 Posted September 21 Share Posted September 21 If you see someone who is carrying a basket of clean laundry trip, do you watch it all unfold? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merciful-evans Posted yesterday at 06:20 PM Share Posted yesterday at 06:20 PM I got my wife a fridge for her birthday. Her face lit up when she opened it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gearbasher Posted yesterday at 08:00 PM Share Posted yesterday at 08:00 PM Did I tell you about the time I cut my cat in half and found $50.00? It didn't happen on the same day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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