Fingerpicked new original song on a Sheryl Crow SJ

[Lars68]

Below is a new song I just ”finished” (no song of mine will ever be completely finished). This time around I went for some fingerpicking on my Sheryl Crow Southern Jumbo, which is one of my favorite modern (2012) guitars. I usually don't fingerpick much, so this has been a learning experience for me. The rhythm is not perfect, but I hope it works.

The song is about lost love, and unwanted circumstances. It's just a made up story, nothing autobiographical (except the bit about listening to ”The Queen Is Dead” in 1986) , so don't worry about the third verse 😃

Thanks to David Hanners and Patriotsbiker for helping me backchannel along the way!

Lars

 

GROW WINGS & FLY

VERSE 1 

Do you remember that summer? It must have been ’86

We wore the grooves of ”The Queen Is Dead”

Sitting on your bed

with dreams and plans in our heads

Only you had the brains and grades. We cried on the day you left.

and I had to stay behind

to bear the grind

of the assembly line

CHORUS 1 

Some dreams grow wings and fly

Others crash, wither and die

May yours soar like an eagle in the sky

VERSE 2

I sent you mixtapes in the mail. We talked for hours on the phone

I said,  ”go be an engineer

aim for the stratosphere

this town will still be here”

You moved to the city, and you never called. Your mother said you found someone 

All the years since have not erased

my memory of your face,

laughter, or youthful grace

CHORUS 2 , same as above

VERSE 3

Dark glasses hide your face. A streak of grey gives your age away

You say you're just stopping by

But I sense a lie

Please, tell me why

All these years that I envied you.  I'm so sorry, but I never knew

You're safe now you've come this far

He is behind bars

No more bruises, no more scars

CHORUS 3 , same as above

Edited May 16, 2020 by Lars68

[BoSoxBiker]

I like this one, Lars! Job well done. Very raw emotions and thoughts. Kind of a slow Bruce Springsteen vibe going on a topic many of us have faced. Real life predicament instead of vanilla, generic love songs. I think most people have their one flame that just could not work out from years ago that they think about from time to time, and wonder how that one ever ended up, etc.  You did a good job connecting of connecting the listener to that memory, IMO.

I also like  that guitar playing, tone and placement. I liked the strings pad, too. Sounds like a teensy touch of bagpipes and harmonica mixed in. It fit nicely.

Well, good job again, and a nod to the continued improvement from one song to the next.

[Lars68]

1 hour ago, PatriotsBiker said:

I like this one, Lars! Job well done. Very raw emotions and thoughts. Kind of a slow Bruce Springsteen vibe going on a topic many of us have faced. Real life predicament instead of vanilla, generic love songs. I think most people have their one flame that just could not work out from years ago that they think about from time to time, and wonder how that one ever ended up, etc.  You did a good job connecting of connecting the listener to that memory, IMO.

I also like  that guitar playing, tone and placement. I liked the strings pad, too. Sounds like a teensy touch of bagpipes and harmonica mixed in. It fit nicely.

Well, good job again, and a nod to the continued improvement from one song to the next.

 

I appreciate the feedback, and again, the help on the final touches before this got posted here.

The fingerpicking is okey, I guess. I wanted it to be more melodic, to follow the melody, but I couldn't do that. I'm learning. I'm also thinking that a soft, melodic, piano would be super in the second part of the song, but again, I can't do that either. Maybe in the future, when my neighbor and I can meet up again, after this virus crap is over, she could do that for me.

I feel that in, at least certain segments, this might be my best singing effort to date. I'm having problems on the lower notes at the end of some lines, but maybe the days of me posting hopelessly out of tune vocals here on the forum might be a thing of the past...

Lars

Edited May 16, 2020 by Lars68

[MissouriPicker]

I agree Lars!  This is a good song.  Nothing wrong with your fingerpicking.  We all have growing pains with something new.  I'll be honest,, the ending surprised the hell out of me.   She finds her way back from hell.  I was not expecting that.  It's something I'll remember.  You handled it well......Also, at first I was thinking that some of your rhymes were too easy and predictable, BUT, in essence they all fit the road you were following with this song and painted a good picture..  Good job!  One thing I might suggest is that  the chorus be stronger vocally (more force and volumn) and maybe a bit different tempo.  As it is there's nothing (aside from reading along with your lyrics) that really sets it apart.  BTW, the lyrics in the chorus are really good....................Anyway, my friend, for me this is a pretty darn decent song.............................   Remember, draw a picture with words, write a song with a brush.  Good work! 

Edited May 17, 2020 by MissouriPicker

[Lars68]

Thanks for the comments, Larry. Glad you liked it. As for the chorus being emphasized more, I agree and I'll work on it. Also In the future my neighbor might be able to add some background vocals to good effect.

Lars

[MorrisrownSal]

Good post Lars. I agree with Larry... he said it better than I could regarding the variance between verse and chorus.

 

i envy you. I have written a handful of songs. It just doesn’t come easy to me. I have a block or something.

[uncle fester]

Nice Lars, last one was good, this one is better!  Keep at it.

[Lars68]

Well, thanks everyone! I will do some work on the chorus and see what I can come up with. I think I might try a strummed Nashville tuned second guitar also to bring some variation to my fingerpicked chords.

Sal, you might not write many songs, but the ones you have posted here have been outstanding. Quality always trumps quantity.

Lars

[fortyearspickn]

Lars, I was really bowled over.  I guess different strokes for different folks - but this 'theme' is one I seem to prefer over all others:  "Lost Love, Returns Years Later".  (As PatBike said better. )  I could not find anything I would change - seriously!   Did you consider capoing it up a key ?  Might make singing more fun - open up being able to play with it.   And in case you didn't realize - you sang, at the end  'no bruises'  instead of 'no more bruises'.  More is better, I think.    Singer Songwriter !  I think you've arrived!  And, the fingerpicking was exactly what the song needs. Emphasize the words.  Most people want a lyrics with a message, not fancy music with words thrown in as an accompaniment!  Five Thumbs Up !  

[Lars68]

32 minutes ago, fortyearspickn said:

Lars, I was really bowled over.  I guess different strokes for different folks - but this 'theme' is one I seem to prefer over all others:  "Lost Love, Returns Years Later".  (As PatBike said better. )  I could not find anything I would change - seriously!   Did you consider capoing it up a key ?  Might make singing more fun - open up being able to play with it.   And in case you didn't realize - you sang, at the end  'no bruises'  instead of 'no more bruises'.  More is better, I think.    Singer Songwriter !  I think you've arrived!  And, the fingerpicking was exactly what the song needs. Emphasize the words.  Most people want a lyrics with a message, not fancy music with words thrown in as an accompaniment!  Five Thumbs Up !  

 

Thanks, it means a lot knowing that something I wrote connected and made an impact. That is what it's really all about, isn't it? 

I really want to be good a this songwriting thing, and I have come to the realization that lyrics and melody is what I need to focus on. I've started too late to ever be a good singer or guitar player. Those things need to be workable, but being able to write good lyrics to a decent melody can compensate and make a song. So that is my aim going forward. I'm glad to hear you think I pulled it off this time around.

Lars

By the way, thanks for the lyrical catch. It was not intentional. Also, I tried different capo positions before settling on 2nd. It was the  compromise that seemed to work the best.

Edited May 17, 2020 by Lars68

[zombywoof]

 I felt you put that tune across.  There was a  sparseness  to it which I liked.  Kind of a hint of a Ramblin' Jack Elliot vibe. .

Edited May 17, 2020 by zombywoof

[jt]

Lovely, Lars. Thanks for sharing this with us.

[Lars68]

I think I have been able to do some quite successful polishing of my song in the couple of weeks since I started this thread. I re-did the vocals, adding emphasis to the chorus (as suggested) and improved pitch throughout. I added some background strings, a Nashville tuned second guitar, and some percussions towards the end. I was careful to keep all new additions very subtle, not wanting to change the original feel of the song. Finally, I changed the EQ settings slightly to bring some more clarity to the whole thing. There are still imperfections, but hey, that's just me. All in all, I think the improvements were worth the extra effort. I hope you agree. Lyrics are unchanged as per my first post above. Below is my new effort:

 

Lars

 

Edited June 11, 2020 by Lars68

[BoSoxBiker]

There are a lot of great elements going on, Lars. Bravo! The whole thing really blends well and sounds nice. The only thing that was noticeable to me was the first time the BGVs hit that I was a little bit abrupt.

The guitar tones have got to be amongst the best I've heard from your recordings. It's a sweet listen.

[Lars68]

1 hour ago, PatriotsBiker said:

There are a lot of great elements going on, Lars. Bravo! The whole thing really blends well and sounds nice. The only thing that was noticeable to me was the first time the BGVs hit that I was a little bit abrupt.

The guitar tones have got to be amongst the best I've heard from your recordings. It's a sweet listen.

Thanks for the compliments! The background vocals might need to be lowered a bit, I don’t know. Eventually, I would like my neighbor to add hers instead of mine. It will sound so much better. Just need this virus business to pass before we can meet up again.

Lars