Appreciating how "non-musical" individuals provide necessary support for musicians

[Sheepdog1969]

In mid March of 2023, my mother lost her years long battle with frontal lobe dementia.  Six months earlier, my father asked me to pen her obituary knowing she would not survive her disease. As I detailed her extraordinary, perpetually involved, active and generous life, I came to a previously unrealized revelation.  Hopefully what I learned about my mom, while attempting to honor her life in words, will resonate with the vast universe of musically talented individuals.

My mom never played an instrument. I can't ever remember hearing her sing a song, even at church during hymns. She didn't hum along with the radio. She never whistled. Despite producing/organizing multiple charity stage musicals, she didn't even participate in the chorus. I can't even remember seeing her dance to music. But I do know that she absolutely loved listening  to music.

One of the reasons she fell for my dad was because of his talented tenor singing voice. From choirs to Barbershop quartets to stage musicals, she adored it when he performed. She especially liked it when he played guitar and sang. She had an extensive vinyl collection and she was particularly drawn to live performances. She never missed any of my band performances from 5th grade to college. Eventually she grew to love Chicago Symphony Orchestra and Chicago Lyric Opera performances, and had season tickets, (for decades), for both.  Summer nights at Ravinia, just north of Chicago, were magical concert experiences for her, and her season tickets there never went unused. When my musical skills appeared to be impaired by budget oriented instruments, she somehow found the funds to buy me the high  end, and high dollar, instruments that allowed me to better express my talents. When Jim Culbertson, the nationally renown director of my high school jazz/funk band, informed her that my 5th trombone skills demanded a high end, F attachment, bass bone, I somehow had one a few days later. When, after playing hand-me-down acoustic guitars for over a decade, I mentioned that I would like an electric guitar, she managed to buy me a new, 1983 Korina Gibson Explorer for $350.00. (Somebody at Guitar Center probably lost their job after that sale.) She somehow understood, despite never making music herself, that investing properly in musical talent can exponentially improve a musician's art. 

As I crafted the document that would encapsulate and enumerate my mom's effect on the world, I learned that she had provided far more philanthropic support for the arts than just her season ticket purchases. Her financial contributions were not something she talked about, nor did most of us even know about them. I then began to think about all the individuals who had not a "musical bone" in their bodies, but so loved music that they were literally able to "make music" by giving financial donations to musicians, thus ensuring that the music could play just a little bit longer. Sharps, to them, may simply be pointy things that can cut you, and they probably think flats are only bad things that happen to tires. Yet, without these generous audience members, music would inevitably diminish into the sound of silence; the church bells would all be broken. 

As I said goodbye to my mom, I understood that she did make beautiful music, she just made it in a different way. 

And, in my head, I heard Jackson Browne singing:

"...Oh wont you stay just a little bit longer..."  

And I know if she could have, she would have.

"...now the promoter don't mind, and the union don't mind if we take a little time and we leave it all behind and sing one more song..."

Susan Elaine Zick

wife, mother, grandmother, music lover

1944-2023

Edited April 17, 2023 by Sheepdog1969
typo

[Murph]

A timely topic for me.

Well done.

[Sheepdog1969]

2 minutes ago, Murph said:

A timely topic for me.

Well done.

sorry for your loss brother!

[jdgm]

Commiserations and condolences. 

[Whitefang]

I know the pain of losing a Mother.  Mine was my age when she left.  Like your Mother, mine was  a huge music lover who also never learned to play an instrument.  But unlike your Mother mine never had the resources to support musician's efforts or other musical endeavors.

Your Mother went far above and beyond .  You've good reason to be proud, and every reason to deeply mourn your loss and the loss to the people and organizations she supported. 

My deepest and heartfelt condolences.

Whitefang

[Rabs]

Very sorry to hear of your loss.. I lost my dad about 5 years ago to cancer so I know how it feels too...

And thats a really nice post about your mum. She made a difference to peoples lives and that is an amazing thing 

[merciful-evans]

A fine account of your mother's contribution to, and support of music. Condolences of your loss.

Probably my I remember my mother didn't love music as much as much as yours. I do however, remember her singing about the house when I was a child. As a young woman she had a good voice. She sang less and less as years passed. I missed that, so that point in our lives remains special for that reason. 

[sparquelito]

A beautiful tribute to an extraordinary woman!

Thank you for that, and all our condolences.

😥

[saturn]

Sorry for your loss. That's a very nice tribute.

[fortyearspickn]

I  never fully appreciated either my mother, or father, until they were gone.  It is the only thing I hope I don't pass on to my children.   

I am sure your mother knew how much you appreciated her support  and loved her.   My parents never opened that conversation with me, but I do with my kids.  So, another thing I have to thank my parents for.    And, for believing we will all be re-united.  

 

[Whitefang]

1 hour ago, fortyearspickn said:

I  never fully appreciated either my mother, or father, until they were gone.  It is the only thing I hope I don't pass on to my children.   

I am sure your mother knew how much you appreciated her support  and loved her.   My parents never opened that conversation with me, but I do with my kids.  So, another thing I have to thank my parents for.    And, for believing we will all be re-united.  

 

You know, I do believe that from generation to generation we retain what we felt were the positives about our upbringing and try to pass them along to our own children.  And dispose of those approaches that we felt unfair and replace them with our own approaches we think might be more fair and less damaging.   And of course there may be things about our own approaches our children felt were unfair and they'll probably dispose of them as well and replace them with their own.  An so on....

Whitefang

[MissouriPicker]

I admire your words about your mom.  It’s true that we often don’t realize what we have until it’s gone.  It’s especially true if we have good parents.  We just tend to take them for granted, because we can.   We know that they are there for us.  We know that they love us and sacrifice for us, because that’s simply what they do.   And then, without us even realizing it, all of those good values become part of who we are and we do the same with our own kids………I’m glad your mama meant so much to you.  I bet she’s smiling when she reads your words.