pumpkin Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 How to properly wash a toilet: This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you. 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'. 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, And run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean. Sincerely, The Dog
KSG_Standard Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Classic! Epic! I'm going to try it with the wife's cat.
retrosurfer1959 Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 great idea - but if you used a smaller cat, you wouldn't have a wet floor the sewer pipe would also be clean and no more rumors about goldfish of huge size in the sewers?
pumpkin Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 The Dog's Diary 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! The Cat's Diary Day 983 of My Captivity My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
Kolera Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 How to properly wash a toilet: This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you. 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement' date=' put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'. 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, And run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean. [img']http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v601/mlchpumpkin/catImage12.jpg[/img] Sincerely, The Dog Priceless :-
pumpkin Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 How many dogs does it take to change a lightbulb * GOLDEN RETRIEVER: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? * BORDER COLLIE: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. * DACHSHUND: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! * ROTTWEILER: Make me. * LAB: Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? * TIBETAN TERRIER: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy! * JACK RUSSELL TERRIER: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture. * POODLE: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. * COCKER SPANIEL: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. * DOBERMAN: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch. * BOXER: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark...... * CHIHUAHUA: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. * IRISH WOLFHOUND: Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover.... * POINTER: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there.... * GREYHOUND: It isn't moving. Who cares? * AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle.. * OLD ENGLISH SHEEP DOG: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb? * HOUND DOG: ZZZZZZzzzzz.z.z.z..z..z..z...z CATS: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the question is: How long will it be before I can expect light? ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF...
pumpkin Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you". He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you". Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot. "Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are any way?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?" The bird promptly answered: "The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!"
pumpkin Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 THE ESSENTIAL ROTTIE OWNER'S CONTRACT I do hereby swear that I/we will abide by all the terms & conditions specified below. Upon signing this contract I fully understand that all my Rottweilers dreams will be realized for ever more and they shall assume their rightful position as the center of the universe, leaving me as a mere human slave. GENERAL CONDITIONS * My Rottweilers desires are always paramount. My Rottweilers wish is my command. * GIVE, SHUT UP and LEAVE IT are useless requests, so I will stop using them. * I will not yell at my Rottweiler for slobbering everywhere after drinking, then chase him around the house with a "drool towel." * I will not abandon my Rottweiler for trivial reasons like "going to work". * I will not yell at my Rottweiler for creating "chew toys" from objects they find laying around. * I will try much harder to understand my Rottweilers language. * I will never go socializing with other canines without my Rottweiler. * I will set up the "kiddie wading pool" every day it is hot. * I will not laugh at my Rottweiler for being confused over not being able to find the lump of ice he buried earlier in the day. EXERCISE REQUIREMENTS AND DOGGY SOCIALIZATION * I will not chase my Rottweiler around yelling COME! when he is busy socializing. * I will not complain my arm is tired after only throwing the ball 50 times. * I will not confuse my Rottweiler by throwing snowballs for him to fetch. * I will not ask my Rottweiler to play fetch with a boomerang. * I will not drag my Rottweiler from interesting sniffing spots during our walkies. * I will not hide or place my Rottweiler's ball in a place where I know he couldn't possibly retrieve it from and then ask him to go and get it. * I will drop whatever I am doing and take my Rottweiler out as soon as he asks me to. * A little rain and a cool breeze is no excuse for not walking my Rottie. NUTRITION AND GROOMING * I will not run out of treats. * I will always carry around cookies & treats and will instruct all my friends to do likewise. * I will never eat anything until my Rottweiler has tasted what I have and approved it for me. * I will share everything I eat with my Rottweiler. * I will not cut my Rottweilers toenails ever, ever again. * I will stop referring to my Rottweiler's necklace as his "choke chain". * I will not bathe my Rottie after he has just bathed himself in mud puddles, cow pats or dead animal remains. AROUND THE HOUSE * I will not sneak around the backyard, wearing funny clothes and a face mask, to test whether my Rottweiler is a good watchdog. * I will not yell at my Rottweiler to "HURRY UP ALREADY" when he's just looking for the right spot to take care of business. * Once he has found an acceptable spot, I will not stare while my Rottweiler is doing his business. * I will not ask my Rottweiler to retire to his crate anymore. * I will open the back door as soon as my Rottweiler sits by it. * I will never again leave my Rottweiler at home if I intend to go driving in the car. CATS AND KIDS * I will not bring home anymore cats. * I will get rid of all those cats we currently own. * I will not feed the cat before I feed my Rottweiler. * I will protect my Rottweiler from all obnoxious little human things at all times. * I will not have another one of those obnoxious little human things. THE CHRISTMAS SEASON * I will not make my Rottie wear silly looking antlers or red Santa hats. * I will not make my Rottweiler pose for pictures with some fat stranger in a red suit. * I will not tie leftover ribbons, tinsel and bows all over my Rottweiler and call it "Christmas Spirit". * I will accept that my Rottweiler shall play with the green tree covered in shiny ball-like ornaments. * I will remember to stuff a stocking and buy several presents for my Rottie.
Flight959 Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 How to properly wash a toilet: This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you. 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement' date=' put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'. 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, And run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean. [img']http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v601/mlchpumpkin/catImage12.jpg[/img] Sincerely, The Dog Does it work better with Persian cats? Flight959
Slogold Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 It's very traumatic for the the cat,but I think it will work. You're one sick puppy.LOL=d>
pumpkin Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 You're one sick puppy.LOL=d> yes, yes i am!
DamienAzrael Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Can we really try this...lol? That would be nice....I can't stand cats....I think my 2 dogs would agree with this thread.
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