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L5Larry

Conversation With My Doctor

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Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

 

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

 

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

 

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

 

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain, Good!

 

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

 

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

 

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable! It's the best feel-good food around!

 

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

 

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: 'Round' is a shape!

 

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

 

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND...

 

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

 

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

CONCLUSION

 

Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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I saw something on the History Channel that got me thinking. The program was talking about weird foods that we eat and was talking about some obscure fungus that the narrator said was "the only non-animal source of Vitamin D in the world".

 

If I am correct we all need a certain amount of Vitamin D to survive.

 

So, before the age of nutritional supplements how did vegans survive (if they couldn't procure the rare fungus)?

 

I wanna burger.

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The number of heartbeats is misleading. People who exercise have a lower heart rate when at rest, like eating and sleeping time, so much so that overall, exercisers' hearts beat fewer times in a day.

I exercise, I eat "smart" and at age 62, I'm trim - 6" tall 182 lbs. - and my resting heart rate is under 70.

Eat smart and get exercise.

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My cholesterol went from over 400 to 204 in just over two years. The biggest change in my diet was not eating fast food at lunch.

 

Similiar outcome for me within one year my cholesterol went down from 206 to 150 because I bring my lunch to work just because I have been so freakin' busy.

 

You were at 400? walking timebomb brother, I am glad you are back on track.

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Similiar outcome for me within one year my cholesterol went down from 206 to 150 because I bring my lunch to work just because I have been so freakin' busy.

 

You were at 400? walking timebomb brother' date=' I am glad you are back on track.[/quote']

 

Ya and thats on top of all the tissue damage from being stabbed in the heart 15 years ago. Eye just kept eating the same and working hard labor jobs and touring with bands until my ticker said no more. And not was forced to retire on Disability at 40. ](*,)

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Q: Doctor' date=' I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

 

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

 

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

 

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

 

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain, Good!

 

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

 

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

 

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable! It's the best feel-good food around!

 

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

 

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: 'Round' is a shape!

 

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

 

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND...

 

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

 

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

CONCLUSION

 

Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[/quote']

You have a sh*tty doctor larry

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