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French Military Jokes

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Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier?

A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.

 

 

Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps?

A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful)

Q: What's the motto of the French Army?

A: Stop, drop, and run!

 

 

Q. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? A. They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"

 

 

Q: What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French?

A: "Speed bump ahead"

 

 

Q: Why did the Post Office have to recall its series of stamps depicting famous Frenchmen?

A: People were confused about which side to spit on.

 

 

Why don't the French really want the US to attack Iraq? Don't want their record for surrender broken.

 

 

Q: Why does every army (except the U.S., England and Israel) have to have a French flag?

A: In case they want to surrender!

 

 

Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a catfish?

A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.

 

 

The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and they turned her over to the enemy!

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Q: What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French?

A: "Speed bump ahead"

They were all greeat but this one got me laughing. [cool][biggrin][-([lol]

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For everyone's info, the French were considered to have the best (by far) military forces in Europe after then end of WWI and they kept their fame right until the start of WWII, when they were swept by the Germans. Historians consider this fame a major part of their breakdown, since they abviously rested too much on their fame.

 

My only objection to the jokes: that ''except US, English & Israeli armies'' part. [cool][lol][biggrin]

 

I really don't want to go deeper...[-(

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For everyone's info' date=' the French were considered to have the best (by far) military forces in Europe after then end of WWI and they kept their fame right until the start of WWII, when they were swept by the Germans. Historians consider this fame a major part of their breakdown, since they abviously rested too much on their fame.

 

My only objection to the jokes: that ''except US, English & Israeli armies'' part. [cool[lol][biggrin]

 

I really don't want to go deeper...[-(

 

I don't really find any humor in something that is intended to insult. Now, if the OP had ever served in the military of his own country, he could probably tell a lot of very funny jokes about his own experiences.

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I don't really find any humor in something that is intended to insult. Now' date=' if the OP had ever served in the military of his own country, he could probably tell a lot of very funny jokes about his own experiences. [/quote']

 

There is no I in humour...only u.[cool]

 

'tis all lateral.

 

[YOUTUBE]

[/YOUTUBE]

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Guy is assigned to the (French) Foreign Legion as a young officer.

 

His first day with his unit, the Captain is showing him around.

 

He pointed to a camel tied up out back.

 

He told the young lieutenant that if he got real horny, he could use the camel.

 

The lieutenant was disgusted!

 

After a few weeks, he was in a bad way.... went out back where the camel was tied up.... got a stool and put it behind the camel...and....well...you know.....

 

The Captain happened along... shook his head and said, "Most of the other officers just ride it into town!"

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That was the one I was gonna use - being a gun dealer ya know....

 

[biggrin]

 

 

 

 

My wife is half French, but she understands the jokes because she sees the reality they come from.

Her Dad on the other hand, will only play along briefly before a semi-scary tantrum erupts.

 

 

:D/

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I don't fully recall this one, but the punchline is still intact.

 

French officer was deriding a Brit officer for wearing those bright red coats into battle.

Makes such a brilliant target no matter where they go.

 

The Brit officer explained that it was so blood would not show.

If he was injured but able to command, his men would not be demoralized seeing their commander bleeding.

 

He then added "Maybe this is the same reason you're wearing brown pants?"

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"I'd rather have one division of Germans in front of me than two divisions of French behind me," sometimes attributed to General George Smith Patton, Jr.

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Damn right! We're YANKS...it's our JOB!! LOL_smilie.gif

 

 

Damn straight! Some of us is Red Necks....

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.."Most of the other officers just ride it into town!"

 

Take it easy on me fellas... I already cleaned my monitor today. [confused]

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There is no I in humour...only u.[confused]

 

'tis all lateral.

 

[YOUTUBE]

[/YOUTUBE]

 

Shocking [confused] they way they portray the Vicker.... just shocking. [bored]

 

[blush]

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Don't know if this was really spoken, but Norman Schwarzkopf was supposed to have said this when France wouldn't join The Coalition in Iraq:

 

"Going to war without the French is like going hunting without your accordion"

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