sgman Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Sorry to read about your breakup Izzy, but from the sounds of it, it's a good thing you are rid of him. Nobody should lay their hands on you in an aggressive manner no matter what. You deserve BETTER!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SGSpecialguy Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 also sorry to hear about your breakup,, personally I CANT STAND men that get physical with women in ANY way, I was raised to never do that to a woman and I just cant stand that kind of behavior,, you did the right thing in moving on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G McBride Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 I am sorry for your situation. You should become the famous for your mothering instinct to protect those guitars. It is a little alarming though that you have left one for slaughter because it was not up to standards. Get out, life it too short to live in pain and unhappiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 You've got lots of friends here Izzy - I hope that helps. And when you're gone, don't make the mistake of going back. Notes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tlsmith Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Izzy Ther is NEVER,NEVER,NEVER,NEVER, by the way did I say NEVER any reason for a man to abuse his woman in any way. Even though he said he was sorry it showed that there is potential for something far more serious and you should get out NOW. My wife's aunt went through this abuse thing thirty years until her husband (who had appologized hundreds of times and she always took him back) shot her while she was brushing her teeth. There is sometimes no redemption and you must get out and do not look back. Sorry for the graphics but experience is a great teacher. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witmer Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 The "one left behind" is usually hurt' date=' and wants to hurt back. A civilized person resists the urge to hurt back. [/quote'] +1 And real love wouldn't want, deep down, to hurt back. Real love is caring more about someone else than about one's self. I understand that he's hurting and angry. That doesn't make what he did okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimbabig Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 As Al Gore once said "I don't believe a zebra can change its spots." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artie Owl Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Glad you got out, once a woman beater, always a woman beater, cowards, the lot of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Glad you got out' date=' once a woman beater, always a woman beater, cowards, the lot of them. [/quote']Spot on....and they always come back all sweet and nice, promising it will never happen again...or they come back all timid but suggesting it was the victims fault...either way..they are in control and that is what they want..control with no responsibility.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daryl M Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 A friend of mine told me a story about a banjo player he knew showing up at the Opry one night, opened his case and found his banjo cut up into several pieces. His wife said, "You care more about the banjo than me." You know, some things you can forgive, but someone that will destroy your instrument....strike 3. And to me, once anyone has crossed the line into physical violence...strike 3. Just my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grampa Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 I know someone who has an older Guild jumbo that was the victim if an apparently ugly break-up. The numerous cracks and holes had been repaired rather nicely considering the number and size of some of them. But the name of the female side was still scrawled into the back. The guitar is fabulous maybe bacause of what it has gone through. I didn't know the parties in the fight so I don't know what they may have done to each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookieman15061 Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 As Al Gore once said "I don't believe a zebra can change its spots." Was that before or after he asked for a happy ending massage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
retrosurfer1959 Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Izzy don't be sympathetic be scared as a man I would say that there is no excuse for violence from a man against his partner ever and even though you were not hurt or even scared, choking is a violent power move every time - he was showing you that he was stronger than you and could do whatever he wanted to you, thats a threat nothing less. I had a ex 30 years ago that tested my resolve against violence often, she was a real fighter loved to argue and even though she was only 5' 5" and 115 pounds she would run up and try to smack me which never made much sense because I'm 6'4" and 250 pounds so she wasn't gonna do much but hurt herself. But she clocked me in the head with a flower pot from the second story balcony one night when I was headed out and then after I left to get stitches she threw everything personal I owned out of the second story window including a Les Paul Standard and a fender Tube amp into the parking lot. she was totally surprised when I came back picked up and saved what I could and left for good she thought we would stay together as she thought it was fine and she was just mad. The Les Paul actually survived the fall somehow I guess either the bushes or all my clothing or something broke the fall enough that even though the case was cracked the guitar was fine the tube amp was a total loss obviously as was about half of my stuff and the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbursted Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 For whatever reason' date=' maybe because there are lots of men on the forum, I was thinking I might hear a male perspective that could redeem his nutty behavior, but I guess that's not what I'm going to hear. Don't get me wrong, I know on some level it was wrong, but I felt sorry for him and only a little alarmed. Could be the guilt that's been eating me...[/quote'] Hey we are like family here, and when one of our own gets wronged (particularly physically), we are going to be collectively pissed. I'm glad you are ok, but don't let there be a next time. Real men DO NOT lay hands on a woman. Sorry for sounding chauvinistic, but I'm old and entitled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gilliangirl Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 was thinking I might hear a male perspective that could redeem his nutty behavior' date=' but I guess that's not what I'm going to hear. Don't get me wrong, I know on some level it was wrong, but I felt sorry for him and only a little alarmed. Could be the guilt that's been eating me...[/quote'] Izzy, there are NO words that will redeem that behaviour. He may be sweet and fine right now but you saw a side of him that exists, even if you did not want to. There are patterns of domestic abuse and they typically involve the *abuser* displaying the ugly behaviour, then softening up and appearing to be remorseful, offering gifts and such to make up for it. But you now know what he is capable of. Don't fall into the trap. I'm glad you're okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FirstMeasure Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Don't forget, while you're spending this part of your life with a piece of S***, there's someone out there that just might be perfect for you. Someone you haven't met that will give all of themselves and treat you right, and deserve to be treated right by you. Don't they deserve some consideration. Getting out of a bad relationship increases your chances of getting in a good one. (Same goes for Bands ) {edit} P.S. Not to mention, if you "Feel Sorry" for someone, you donate your time and money to a cause or charity that will help them. Ya don't involve yourself in a Common Law Marriage with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxson50 Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 I think we have the makings of a good country song here...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyK Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 This could be the first episode of a long sad, ugly story, none of us want you to have to tell. This kind of behavior WILL escalate. Take your cheap Tele and move out. To your mom's place or your own. But move out. Or... if the place where he passed out is yours, kick him out. If he won't get out and stay out, it's time for what my bud, Dave Ramsey says, "Its time for guns and lawyers." No... you don't need to get a gun, but get a court order and the police to drive the message home. "He don't live here any more." He might have been a friend, but becoming bf and gf might have been a bit much for him with his 'bud'. But moving in together, just the thought of it was enough to push him over the edge. He appears to not be a nice drunk. Go back to being buds... or not. But whatever you do, under no circumstances, should you cohabitate with this man. For your sake, for your guitar's sake, for your future childrens' sake. Move On. Please. I've seen too much of this in my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milod Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Hmmmmm..... Seriously, I think almost everyone my age has been in relationships that brought out significant anger. Each of us responds somewhat differently to such circumstances in different times and with different personality clashes. I had a door locked on me once and walked through it anyway. I didn't care for the look of fear and that was near the end of things with that lady a long, long time ago. Games like that don't bode well for long-term relationships regardless. I played country with a couple of brothers once and quit when frankly I got scared myself. The one's wife would lose her temper and take potshots at him with a .357. Many males are physically as well as mentally abused, but there's a lot less said about that and it tends to get ignored regardless of circumstances unless there is a real need for a hospital trip. I know one male who was fed rat poison until he almost croaked and discovered what had happened. On a more pleasant note, as for cheap guitars... <grin> I had great fun with an old Harmony F hole I electrified and doubled the G string on (double up an octave like on a 12-string) back in the mid 1960s. I played rock on it in a band. Great fun, truly. A little work on the action and it still was clunkey, but sounded pretty decent through a Fender Deluxe Reverb anyway. Now that you mention it, I was between girl friends at the time. m Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackie Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Run.................run run run away ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff-7 Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Hmmmmm..... Many males are physically as well as mentally abused' date=' but there's a lot less said about that and it tends to get ignored regardless of circumstances unless there is a real need for a hospital trip. [/quote'] Because we're supposed to be tough. I could never bring myself to tell someone about it if it did happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milod Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Jeff... That's why it happens. And IMHO increasingly, from what I hear from law enforcement. m Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingarmadillo Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 Texas is actually one of the more progressive states when it comes to DV laws - What happened is specifically listed as a 3rd degree felony in Texas . From and article in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram: "Texas legislators were specific in the wording of the law, defining the offense as causing pain by "intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly impeding the normal breathing or circulation of the blood of the person by applying pressure to the person's throat or neck or by blocking the person's nose or mouth. Under House Bill 2066, which became effective 10 months ago, the first offense in a family violence case is a third-degree felony, punishable by two to 10 years in prison." Read more: http://www.star-telegram.com/2010/07/31/2375294/without-provisions-for-training.html#ixzz0vMdjs0pW The article is about how very few police departments have the training to prosecute these cases, even so there have been about 700 of these cases filed in Harris County since the beginning of the year - so you aren't the only one dealing with this Izzy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6 string mystix Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 Sorry to hear about this...I concur with everyone regarding your ex's behavior... but I have a question? I may have misread your OP but did you say you fell in love with your best friend? Do you mean the ex used to be your best friend and you guys ended up together? Or did you fall in love with another man who is your best friend but is unaware that you are currently in love with? I am confused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladyscaglyc Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 Izzy, There has been a lot of great advice from your friends here but You must "get over" the "I wasn't scared, he didn't mean it, he'll never do it again" bull. Either get a restraining order or call on a big brother for a late night visit to the boy. Period. Game f***in over. As a father of daughters might I say situations like this have been met swiftly & head on. Move out & on with Your Life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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