Insecurity about playing in front of others...

[Shnate McDuanus]

Hey all, I was just curious as to whether anyone on here had any advice. I know that people come on here for different reasons, and that some forum members don't necessarily want to read someone else's whining. I hope that, for those of you who find "advice" threads intolerable, you allow me to post my thoughts without giving me anyone else too much of a hassle. The reason why I came here for guidance is because it's an issue specifically related to guitar, and I thought that nobody would be more capable of helping me than other guitarists.

 

Well, with that little disclaimer out of the way...

 

I'm going to college at the end of this month, and as I am now I'm really insecure about my playing abilities. The problem is that I met another incoming freshman through Facebook who also plays guitar, and he suggested that we ought to jam. I went along with it, because it was several months ago when he mentioned it and I thought that I'd certainly have improved by the time I got there. As time went on I've kept up communication with him and he seems like a really nice guy who I can relate to on a lot of things. The problem, however, is that I'm worried about not being a competent enough player to really be able to jam with another guitarist--especially one who has more experience than I do--and have it be fun for both of us, and without completely embarrassing myself. For anyone who's heard my recordings, you'll know that I mainly stick to very simple pentatonic licks in my lead playing, and that I can't really do anything "flashy" or, for that matter, anything particularly impressive or dynamic. I can't play very fast, and I can't come up with licks that really sound interesting, to me at least. I struggle with playing songs by ear, and although I know my chords pretty well, I still struggle with some of the more complex chords and voicings--I can handle major chords, minor chords, 7, min7, and maj7 without any difficulty, but I struggle with diminished and augmented, and most extended chords beyond the ones I mentioned. Of course I can do power chords with or without the added octave. I know a little bit about modes, but I have a tough time implementing them because my training hasn't really focused on theory and I pretty much had to learn about them on my own. I also have some issues with picking, and my touch is a little too heavy on my left hand for me to really play very quickly. I'm worried that everything I play will sound stupid and that I'll wind up embarrassing myself. Overall, I'd call myself competent, but unimpressive.

 

Well, that was a lot to type. So, I was just curious about if any of you have ever been in a position like this, or if you have any advice you could pass on. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's ever had insecurities about their playing, so if anyone else if experiencing the same problem, feel free to hijack this thread.

 

Best regards,

Jon.

[SGplayer1994]

I feel the same way when I go to jam with a new band.

 

My personal advice would be:

1. Don't come off as cocky and over confident, but

2. Don't come off as insecure of your playing abilities.

3. Stick with what you can do best, don't try something out of your ballpark and then have to make excuses later.

4. If both of you are nice people and get along well, who cares if he's better? If he's a nice guy he won't laugh and he'll probably teach you a thing or two.

 

It's worked for me several times. Just be honest with yourself and your friend and things should go well.

[BoyVader]

I have just started with a new teacher who has a degree in theory and plays like a demon....I did consider myself an average guitarist...just finished learning Little Wing pretty much note for note, but as soon as I sit down in front of my new teacher, I start to play like a four year old!!

 

I would go with the view that he may be better than you, but there will be things that you know that he probably won't...the odd riff, chord progression etc.

 

At the end of the day its not a competition, and you should both be able to learn from playing with other people...

 

I hope you have fun...

[retrosurfer1959]

The best and only way to get over it is playing and if your honest and realistic about your skills it usually works out, if he's a **** about it then so what he wasn't meant to be a friend anyway. Getting together to just casually jam is more about the camaraderie and friendship than the skill of the other player usually anyway unless your working on something for performance.

 

There's always gonna be people that play better than you and make you feel insecure and remember you make lesser players fee that way also but just relax and enjoy it thats why we all play.

[L5Larry]

You seem to have made a pretty complete list the things of which you need to practice on. Just like they say at those 12-step meetings (not that I have been there), admitting you have a problem is the first step to improvement.

 

That said.... Playing with other people is ALWAYS a good thing, and a learning experience, especially if the other person is more skilled. The best way to learn is to STEAL from those better than you.

 

Playing music should ALWAYS be fun, don't sweat the "insecurity" thing and learn to enjoy the camaraderie and collaboration.

 

Even if the guys does play like EVH, SRV, EC or JP, all those hot licks aren't worth salt with out some rhythm behind them.

 

And most importantly as you head off to college: PLAYING GUITAR HELPS GET CHICS.

[Surveyor]

You really want to play music with people who are better than you, best way for you to improve. As you improve, pass it on. Jamming is supposed to be fun; don't put too much pressure on yourself. Just do the best you can while keeping on eye open for ways to improve.

[Rewddawg1]

Yeah what everyone else said. If he is a real friend he will encourage you and help you. A real musician loves to help other musicians. Don't sweat it. Just have fun and be humble about the whole get together. I am far from the best and I know and play with an assortment of musicians and like Larry said if all else just keep a steady rythmn going on. It will be fun.

[milod]

To me the whole trick of ensemble playing is for each musician to find a niche he/she fits.

 

Again, the rhythm guitar thing is cool if the other guy outshines what you do. So... how can two guitarists of different ability levels and background best play together? I dunno. It depends on the two pickers.

 

m

[DAS44]

Hey man, I think we all have a bit of stage fright. Myself I'm terrified of getting up there and making a fool of myself, but every time, without fail I love it.You have to stick your neck out a bit, there's nothing like playing with other musicians, it's not like playing with recordings, it's far more thrilling. I'd have to say it helps you get better way faster than sitting at home practicing.

 

As for the simplicity, or lack of belief in your playing. First off, sometimes the little pentatonic solos are the coolest things, and you can really weave them in some amazing ways. You don't have to be amazing. Take my neighbor, he's ten and we play together loads, being his age, and rather green to the guitar you'd think he'd be discouraged right? Nah, through the time I've gotten to jam with him (he has one fantastic' sunburst LP studio) I've watched him get better and better. I've been playing considerably longer than he has, and (not saying this in any arrogant way) I'm better than him. But it doesn't matter who's best, its music! Have fun with it, it's not a competition. I've played with some people who've been playing many times longer than I've been alive, they don't care either, they encourage me, not in any malicious way, to get a laugh out of it, but because they are honestly good people who want you to play and get better. If he cares too much about how good you are, frankly I don't think he's worth the time. I get a thrill in learning from these older hands (and playing their guitars of course, one of 'em had this amazing '54 mustang... phew!!).

 

My immediate neighbor plays bass, and guitar. One day he had his ol' band over to play at his house (hired a bartender too boot... she wasnt half bad looking <cough>). He's heard me play and insisted I play, I regretted being too shy for it.

 

Do it, try to get rid of any reservations. If you're too worried about making mistakes, start slow and easy, and work your way up until your comfortable. Every guitarist, even the most famous and accomplished, made mistakes, but heck they got so good by playing and learning from their errors. Don't back down from the opportunity, play! Have fun most importantly!

 

Just standin' up there to give it all his might.

And he got caught in the spotlight,

But when we get to the end

He wants to start all over again.

 

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ny3QDKCdqPY[/YOUTUBE]

[Silenced Fred]

Honestly, just play. Don't worry about it and have fun. Play what you play, and don't try and impress. Keep it simple

[Mr. Robot]

I have suffered from this too.

 

But the older I get, the less I give a sh!t - when it all comes down to it, it depends on how high you place the stakes. if you are playing for enjoyment, then it really takes the pressure off - even if you are playing live.

 

Some of the best bands I have seen are the guys who have matured and put away the 'I am going to be a rock star' approach and just play to enjoy it - you can see it on their faces and the music is always better as a result.

 

The reality is, unless you are auditioning to join KISS or the Rolling Stones, the price of making a mistake or playing badly is pretty much zero in term of your life.

 

I regret worrying about this stuff - because in the end when i look back it actually prevented me from taking risks and having experiences i wish I had had.

[Jon S.]

Hey man' date=' I think we all have a bit of stage fright. Myself I'm terrified of getting up there and making a fool of myself, but every time, without fail I love it.You have to stick your neck out a bit, there's nothing like playing with other musicians, it's not like playing with recordings, it's far more thrilling. I'd have to say it helps you get better way faster than sitting at home practicing.

 

As for the simplicity, or lack of belief in your playing. First off, sometimes the little pentatonic solos are the coolest things, and you can really weave them in some amazing ways. You don't have to be amazing. Take my neighbor, he's ten and we play together loads, being his age, and rather green to the guitar you'd think he'd be discouraged right? Nah, through the time I've gotten to jam with him (he has one fantastic' sunburst LP studio) I've watched him get better and better. I've been playing considerably longer than he has, and (not saying this in any arrogant way) I'm better than him. But it doesn't matter who's best, its music! Have fun with it, it's not a competition. I've played with some people who've been playing many times longer than I've been alive, they don't care either, they encourage me, not in any malicious way, to get a laugh out of it, but because they are honestly good people who want you to play and get better. If he cares too much about how good you are, frankly I don't think he's worth the time. I get a thrill in learning from these older hands (and playing their guitars of course, one of 'em had this amazing '54 mustang... phew!!).

 

My immediate neighbor plays bass, and guitar. One day he had his ol' band over to play at his house (hired a bartender too boot... she wasnt half bad looking ). He's heard me play and insisted I play, I regretted being too shy for it.

 

Do it, try to get rid of any reservations. If you're too worried about making mistakes, start slow and easy, and work your way up until your comfortable. Every guitarist, even the most famous and accomplished, made mistakes, but heck they got so good by playing and learning from their errors. Don't back down from the opportunity, play! Have fun most importantly!

 

Just standin' up there to give it all his might.

And he got caught in the spotlight,

But when we get to the end

He wants to start all over again.

 

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ny3QDKCdqPY[/YOUTUBE]

 

 

Great advice!! Plus a Band video.....that's why I love this forum!

[Kimbabig]

It took me a year to overcome all my stage fright, one day I just looked at the people and said to myself "it's no different than when you're alone" and all was good.

[Surveyor]

Like a friend of mine told me, the people are coming to see you; they are interested in what you are performing for them. Engage the crowd and make it fun. Considering this guy plays all over Ireland and America, pretty good advice.

[WahKeen]

Jon, it's the only way you're going to grow as a musician. Playing with others is a must and don't worry, we've all gone

through those feelings but it's necessary to get that experience. Once you do, it becomes easier and FUN to play with others. You're going to learn no matter what. Have fun!

[RichCI]

After you sing in front of a crowd while wearing spandex pants, not much else will embarrass you.

 

 

When I was your age, a lot of people in the college music scene seemed to view playing as some sort of competition. It's not. Playing with other musicians is a great way to learn and improve your playing so try to approach it with that in mind; if you play with only others who are at your skill level or lower, you won't get the same experience out of it as you would have with better players.

 

I've been playing for around 30 years and you'd think that I'd be a regular Van Halen/Hendrix/Page or whoever by now but I'm not. However, I think I do play with a lot of style and groove whereas some other players who are much more technically proficient that I am do not and then there are players who are much better than me no matter how you want to look at it. I like what I do and I have fun with it and, for me, that's all that counts.

[Witmer]

I agree with all the guys who've said it's not a competition. Jamming is just supposed to be about having fun. If he's better than you, go ahead and take the simpler parts of a song. It should be more fun for him to play licks and other hard stuff with a live backing musician than by himself. If you can enjoy creating a sonic "foundation" for him to work over - voila - you're both having fun playing together.

[DAS44]

If you can enjoy creating a sonic "foundation" for him to work over - voila - you're both having fun playing together.

Never be afraid to stick with the rhythm section, that is (in my opinion) more important than any solos you're going to play. Solos get boring without the backing music. :) Be proud that you can even play an instrument!

[EVOL!]

1. Stop being so hard on yourself. I am sure your playing is fine, at least fine enough to jam out on guitars with another player. Just be yourself and he'll respect that.

 

2. The best way to get better is to play with as many people as possible. Playing with more skilled people will help make you better. Playing with less skilled people will help you look at your playing more critically. It's a win/win situation.

 

3. Jamming out is a good way to forge solid, long lasting friendships. My high school friends are a distant memory. I think about my college friends all of the time, especially the musicians I jammed or had a band with.

[Kimbabig]

I ain't got no musicians to jam with :)

 

cept a neighbor whom plays the banjo. yet never comes over, and younger neighbor who plays guitar but don't wanna jam.

[Tman]

Just go and play. Either you will have good chemistry and it is fabulous or the guy turns out to be a jerk and it is wasted time.

 

I've learned that people are rarely thinking what I think they are thinking.

[ShredAstaire]

I remember the first time i jammed with dudes....they were waaaaay better than me...

 

I walked in nervous as all hell...let them know to be gentle with me and did my thing....sometimes i caught onto the riffage, and sometimes i had to ask one of them to show me what they were playing. They were good dudes and didn't mind....we had a great jam...

 

Don't tell them you suck or anything because you don't....just let them know you'll do your best and make sure to have fun...its supposed to be fun so if you're stressing yourself out...its gonna be a lot harder to have fun.

 

Show up with some riffs ready to play...maybe you can jam on something you've written for a while to help build up the confidence. Sounds like the guy is a nice guy though and will likely help ya out if you need it.

 

Just do it man...the BEST way to improve your playing it to play with others...especially if they are better with you. Its scary but its damn worth it. Good luck man!

[TommyK]

The only way you are going to get better is to play with other people.

 

I took a Jazz Improv, non-credit summer course. I like Jazz, but it isn't my first love. But... the Improv part was right up my alley. I gotta tell you, 3 weeks into it and I was ready to hang it up. On week four it began to click and make sense. A class mate told me after I commented about hanging it up that he was about to do the same thing, but remembered something he'd been taught. It is that "Failure looks the most inevitable just before success."

[jamman]

Everyone has given you good advice. So go out there, enjoy yourself , have fun. That's what jammin is all about. That's why i have the screen name i do. It's all about having fun. people who cann't play, look at you and admire what you can do. And people, who can play, know what your going though. Don't over think it, go out and make some music. It's all good.

[pyromania221]

I myself am relatively new to guitar. having played for 2-3 years you can imagine that i have run in to far more capable guitar players than myself, and to be honest, i had alot of the same aprehensions as yourself. But i got together with people and just played what i knew, and if they played something over it that i thought sounded cool, i would ask them how i could go about learning things like that.

 

ultimately any skilled guitar player had a time when they couldnt shred like van halen, and im sure that they will simpithize with you and help you grow in your music knowlage and guitar playing ability