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TWANG

My joke what I made up all by myself.

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I learned from reputable newsources in the last few days

that

smoking marijuana leads to a higher incidence among young men of testicular cancer.

and

smoking marijuana in older men fights off alzhiemers.

 

so who wants a clear memory of when their balls fell off?

 

TWANG

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I learned from reputable newsources in the last few days

that

smoking marijuana leads to a higher incidence among young men of testicular cancer.

and

smoking marijuana in older men fights off alzhiemers.

 

so who wants a clear memory of when their balls fell off?

 

TWANG

 

Twang,

kinda like the warning about viagra...if you have an erection for over 4 hours seek a DRs help...damn that I wanna go around bragging and showing it off! Only Dr I wanna see is a pretty sexy woman Dr..."hey Doc...look whats up!"

Capt

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Sit down and give your mind a rest' date=' you're about as funny as a truckload of dead puppies on a hot summer day.[/quote']Wait isn't that from the song, "Dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies aren't much fun." I don't remember the rest of the lyrics.

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I had to start second guessing mself when it comes to spontaneously "writing" my own jokes, because I realized I have no inner filter as to what might offend others. Two days after Dale Earnhart Sr. died, the event was being discussed in a close group of my friends... somebody made the comment that "at least he went the way he would have wanted to..." to which, without skipping a beat, I replied, "No, I'm pretty sure if he went the way he wanted to, he would have gone left." Exactly one other person out of about ten in the gruop found that hilarious... the others all thought I was a heartless ba$tard. Of course, a week later, one of the ones who had been "deeply offended" asked me, "Hey, you know what Dale Earnhart and Pink Floyd have in common? Thier last big hit was the Wall." I was a bit offended by that one actually, being a die-hard Floyd fan. I personally thought The Final Cut wasn't that bad, and there were some great songs on the two post-Waters studio albums as well.

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This thread is getting more dangerous by the minute...say what you want about anything: but there are three dudes you just don't dis...Dale, Richard Petty, and Elvis, pretty much in that order. Southern folk are loadin' shotguns right about now. If Foxworthy ever crossed that line his career would be over. Heck all three of 'em are still movin' commerative collector plates that you can't even eat off of if company comes over after church on Sunday.

 

Wedgie

 

BTW... Dead Puppies wasn't that a PRIMUS song or am I thinking of another Les Claypool masterpiece?

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Two days after Dale Earnhart Sr. died' date=' the event was being discussed in a close group of my friends... somebody made the comment that "at least he went the way he would have wanted to..." to which, without skipping a beat, I replied, "No, I'm pretty sure if he went the way he wanted to, he would have gone left."[/quote']

 

I don't get it. Are you saying Dale was a communist?

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TWANG - that made me laugh. :-k

 

Only thing funnier so far was MarxBros response.

 

But that was funny/peculiar - not funny/hah-hah like your joke.

 

Now all yah gotta do is work on timing and presentation.....

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This thread is getting more dangerous by the minute...say what you want about anything: but there are three dudes you just don't dis...Dale' date=' Richard Petty, and Elvis, pretty much in that order. Southern folk are loadin' shotguns right about now. If Foxworthy ever crossed that line his career would be over. Heck all three of 'em are still movin' commerative collector plates that you can't even eat off of if company comes over after church on Sunday.

 

Wedgie

 

BTW... Dead Puppies wasn't that a PRIMUS song or am I thinking of another Les Claypool masterpiece?[/quote']

 

Dale & King Richard i'll leave alone......(hey, I AM in Bama) BUT........

What would Elvis be doing if he were alive today???????? (scroll down)

 

 

 

 

clawing frantically at the inside of his casket!!!!!!!

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Exactly one other person out of about ten in the gruop found that hilarious... the others all thought I was a heartless ba$tard.
genzero.....sounds as if we're on the same humor wavelength. I'm often quite adept at ad-libbing stuff I find hilarious and most others find either horrendous or it just goes WAYYYYYYY over their heads. So I just bite my tongue a lot ;)

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Well at least they've toned it down from what they were saying when I was a young man. In those days they were saying that if you smoked weed you would:

1. Go impotent.

2. Go insane.

3. Die of cancer (all kinds of cancer).

4. Die in the electric chair.

5. Never get a job.

6. Never have a girlfriend.

7. spend the rest of your life in prison (until you died in the electric chair).

8. be a full-blown heroin addict within 60 days.

9. never be president of the U.S.

 

It's good to know it's not really that bad after all.

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My friends love my angry rants. I've been told that my overly angry, loud, off-topic rants are a combination of Henry Rollins, Lewis Black, and Mitch Hedberg.

 

Honestly, that last one seems out of place.

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There are jokes that cross the line.. in so many areas.

I guessed a testicle joke would be ok in this particular forum, seeing as so many are older guys, and mostly guys to start with.

 

When I was a kid there were racist jokes.. rastus and liza were the prime ones.

And they helped me, in a way, to understand racism. Because some had very funny punchlines, some had nothing but an insult to blacks,

and almost all of them showed that this was white people talking about sex in the most detailed way and using black folk to blame it on.

 

Still, the one about rastus sitting on the fence praying for the semi to come by was hilarious to me as a teen.

I always identified strongly with that dude.

 

Later, there were crass or cruel jokes.

what's the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls?

You can't unload the bowling balls with

a pitchfork.

 

There was a whole series of those.

And then Challenger jokes much later.. every tragedy spurs jokes for some reason.

Maybe it's out of work comedians, having some kind of revenge.

 

But Capt, and GZ prove a point.

Is it really funny when the silent movie actor strikes another guy in the head with an 8' long 2X6 causing him to drop

six storys through the scaffolding.. land on the handle of a baby carraige, flipping the infant in the air six times and landing him

in a flower bed, meanwhile falling face first into the carraige after being goosed back up by a ten penny nail, and rolling down a hill

with twelve cops chasing him waving their nightsticks only to roll down the pier off the end and into a rowboat which coincidentally

contains his girlfriend?

 

pain, suffering, injustice. they seem to be main themes in comedy.

 

I once was working construction, building grain bins.

About 40 feet up, one of the guys walking along the scaffold slipped..

his arms shot straight out to the sides.. he let his leg move straight up in front of him..

he landed on the board.. which bent under his weight..

and bounced back up to his other foot.

He then walked the rest of the way down.

 

He never said a word about it later, and those of us who saw it never brought it up either.

There was nothing funny about it..

 

But from a distance, now, I smile when I think about it. Is that sick? Am I still just in awe?

Probably a bit of both.

 

I thought a pot joke would go over, since we do have a draconian response to something that, as bill maher said

on leno last night, is probably no more dangerous than the products Kellogs sells to all of us.

What the heck is funny about cancer or alzhiemers?

I'm not sure and I'm sweating both of them everyday!

But I still laughed so.. I thought you guys might, too.

 

TWANG

 

ps Lewis Black completely rocks.

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I thought a pot joke would go over' date=' since we do have a draconian response to something that, as bill maher said

on leno last night, is probably no more dangerous than the products Kellogs sells to all of us.

[/quote']

 

A little OT, but yeah, be careful about smoking that illegal spliff, but go ahead and wash it down with perfectly legal Propylene Glycol laden Hostess cupcakes....and throw a little HFCS in there for good measure.

 

"Propylene glycol (PG) is a petroleum derivative often found in stick deodorants. It penetrates the skin and can weaken protein and cellular structure. Commonly used to make extracts from herbs. PG is strong enough to remove barnacles from boats!"

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A Guitarist and a Bassist are arguing backstage and the Drummer walks up to them and asks why they are fighting to which the Bassist replies “Well the Guitarist detuned one of my Bass guitar’s strings and he won’t tell me which one.”

 

 

—-

It’s the hour before Pentecostal church, and the pastor comes up to the guitar player and says “I’m glad to see you include Biblical precepts in your guitar playing.” The guitarist asks, “Do you mean ‘make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye peoples?’” “No”, says the pastor. “‘Don’t let the left hand know what the right hand is doing.’” .

 

wife.jpg

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A Guitarist and a Bassist are arguing backstage and the Drummer walks up to them and asks why they are fighting to which the Bassist replies “Well the Guitarist detuned one of my Bass guitar’s strings and he won’t tell me which one.”

 

I'm a bass player by default, so it should come as no surprise when I say...I don't get it.

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That's almost as bad as the one about the drummer who locked his keys in the car.

 

He had to break the window to get the bass player out. #-o

 

(thanyyawerramuch, I'll be here all week!)

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How is a bass different from a guitar?

 

It takes longer to burn.

 

What's the best method to prevent your guitar from being stolen?

 

Keep it in a bass case.

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