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metalhed717

Band=Drama?

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I think in any group, the key is communication.

 

It doesn't matter how fiercely or how often you fight, as long as you're still actually moving some kind of conversation forward, the relationship is saveable.

 

Once that breaks down, there's really nowhere to go. If you're not talking you're not talking. Sometimes the intervention of a third party can get things going again, but usually by the time that happens, it's too late.

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Its all about finding the right bunch of guys. The last group I played with was some of the nicest guys you could ever meet and we got along great. Although I've left the band for various reasons ( no problems with the group ) I still keep in touch with them all and have an open invitation to return anytime.

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I think in any group' date=' the key is communication.

 

It doesn't matter how fiercely or how often you fight, as long as you're still actually moving some kind of conversation forward, the relationship is saveable.

 

Once that breaks down, there's really nowhere to go. If you're not talking you're not talking. Sometimes the intervention of a third party can get things going again, but usually by the time that happens, it's too late. [/quote']

 

+1

 

Communication AND open-mind is the key!

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the bassist is pretty much just being a baby over a couple of jokes the other guitarist made and now he cant get along with him. were teenage guys' date=' so our idea of fun is pretty much putting each other down (in good humor, of course) so i dont see why hes making such a big deal about it, he jokes about the rhythm guitarist just as much. and the thing is that the rhythm guitarist brings a lot to the table musically and has made the band a lot more serious and weve actually began writing music since he joined whereas the bassist doesnt contribute anything musically and just kind of does what we tell him to.[/quote']

 

I think really it comes down to how serious you are as a band. Are you just doing it to jam and have a good time or do you want to be serious about it and make it a career. If you want to make it a career the thing to remember is it is the music BUSINESS not music friendship. Sometimes you have to make the clear cut segregation between the 2. You aren't always friends with the people you work with, but ultimately for the better good of the band and your money/career situation it is usually a wiser choice to go with the person who brings more to the table. If it is just a friendly jamming situation then kick the guitarist to the curb if they can't come to an agreement.

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For some reason playing music in a band is like a real liffe soap opera. I have played guitar years before my friends had recently picked up guitar, bass and drums. Now I am a great rhythm player and a crappy lead player because I just never seem to have the time to practice like I need to. So what I am saying is I am an ordinary player. I used to be really close with these guys before they started playing but when I stoppped drinking ALL THE TIME I lost my coolness factor with them. By the way we are all around 32 now. About 5 years go by and I run into them and they tell me they had started playing and said to come out and play. I was excited! Finally I knew some people here that wanted to play! Well, every weekend since then they have had to go out and eat and drink, go to clubs, or sit on the old arse! So basically what I am saying is get something going for yourself. You want to be a musician that serious musicians want to play with if you are serious sbout it. I have stopped waiting for them and am trying to get something going acousticly. Maybe after some people see me, I will meet some people that would want to do something more. Life is drama especially in a band. But when they chemistry clicks with everyone then you will have found your group! Good luck and I hope this made sense! Oh yeah, don't ever stop playing!!!

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Seems to me that there's somethng parallel to what goes on in sports, where winning usually (not always) helps the attitude in the locker room/clubhouse. My own experience with my present band is that things go sooooooo much smoother after a run of good gigs.

+1 to TWANG on meetings, but they've gone much better when the music's good and the response is there. Sometimes, even, a lot clears up just on the first chord of the evening. This happened to me quite recently, when everyone was in a pissy mood at everyone else UNTIL the music started! Then the clouds parted, cuz, y'know, that's what it's all about, anyway. There was a meeting afterwards, but it all (well, most) went positive and constructive.

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Your bass player, even if he is your best friend, walked out. It's not your job to make him come back. If the rhythm guitarist is capable of going on with the group, keep him and find a bass player who won't throw a fit.

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Lots of good advice has been offered. If you are a gigging band' date=' you are a business with obligations to your customers. With that in mind, you have to have some policies that cover behavior and work ethics. Someone has to be the formal leader who is the go to person when there is a conflict. You might equate this person to a direct report manager in a company. That person is responsible for performance and employee relations in his or her group. Otherwise, you will have unresolved conflict.

 

People will get their feelings hurt from time to time. You have to get these people together privately and resolve the conflict. Public embarrassment will only lengthen the conflict. One on one dialog is probably the best thing. Talk to the offender first and try to convince him that his comments were off-base and he needs to lighten up. Talk to the other and see if there is common ground. Then, meet with both at once and try to get them to lighten up and discuss the issue. Keep it informal and conversational. Get the problem out in the open and discuss what was said and urge the bass player and the rhythm player to comment on what they think is the issue and ask them point blank , "Why is this an issue?" "What will it take to make this right?" "Was this fair and does it affect the group's effectiveness?" "Is this really worth a continuing conflict?" "Can we solve it here and now and move on with our music?"

 

Someone needs to apologize and be the bigger person if you are to have peace in the band. It could be that they are not willing to let it drop and one will have to go. That may happen on its own. This type of conflict has occurred frequently in many famous money making groups. It's common and sometimes results in one leaving. Hopefully you can resolve it.

 

 

[/quote']

 

I agree with you Dave. As sad as is, someone has to be in charge, 'the leader' or whatever name he/she is tagged. I'm sure we've all been in bands without a leader, or a leader that wasn't respected by the other members. That only dictated trouble in my experience. A leader has to have respect from the other members, having the ability to hang his own EGO in check at all times without being too dictating, yet assertive, fair and concise when called for. As had been posted by others, if its for fun, have fun. If its a business, have fun by all means, but be smart - Everyone gets to express his opinion, but at the end of the day, the leader has to make the decisions as what is best for the band and every member has got to buy into it 100%. I'm sure we all have the "war stories" on this topic. I think TWANG'S check list is a good place to start..............

 

 

 

 

Rank: Advanced Member

 

Joined: 1/24/2008

Posts: 3,330

Location: Kansas USA

Yeah, Bender...that's unfortunate, really. We were the "stable" ones, and kept our smoking/toking to after hours, and not during play days, and even then, we didn't do much, really. I guess neither of us had that "addictive" personality? I don't know... We wouldn't have said a thing, really...except in the case of the lead guitarist, and keyboard player, "getting high" became more important, than playing...sad to say, as they were both really great players, even as young as they (we) were. It's hard to keep focus, when one or more members turn up so stoned, that all they do is laugh, when they should be playing their instruments. LOL! But, it was "The Sixties," and that was a part of it all, I guess? So frustrating, for the more "stable" members, 'cause we REALLY wanted to play, and DO something! Just couldn't make it happen, at that time, or in that ensemble. Damn!

 

CB

 

Unfortunately, drugs, alcohol and the other gender's scent seem to throw the proverbial "monkey-wrench" in the works. It amazes me that bands like, Aerosmith, The Rolling Stones and the like have survived and come full circle. That's the point. SOMEONE was keeping the bands together. Whoever that was or however it happened, whatever formula was used, someone was the "go to" person that kept it all going. Maybe, $$$$$$ was the leader..............J

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