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GearWire Moron Reviews Gibsons


drathbun

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These reviews are older but they are still amazingly funny in a "Plan 9 From Outer Space" kind of way.

 

Take a look at this total moron reviewing a Gibson Hummingbird and then a Gibson Blues King.

 

GearWire Review - Hummingbird vs Guild GAD050

 

GearWire Review - Gibson Blues King

 

My favourite parts of the Blues King review are when, off the top, he forgets the name of the guitar and then goes on to say it doesn't sound good with a couple feeble strums. He doesn't even seem to know that the small bodied sound from this guitar is what makes it a classic "Blues King". Does he think someone will buy this guitar to shred with? Oh, and he likes the "new" smell of the Gibsons and references a friend of his as to how the guitar sounds. I don't think this guy knows how to play a guitar! Nice gig if you can get it I guess.

 

I loved his idiocy so much, I did a parody video of his review of the Blues King by reviewing my Songwriter as a Buckethead and Garbage fan.

 

Buckethead Gear Review - Gibson Songbirdwriter

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OMG this guy is killing me here! I'm searching all his video reviews of guitars. I might have to compile a list of the "stoopidest things Patrick Ogle says about acoustic guitars". Too funny. [lol]

 

"I don't think you can adjust this neck. Maybe someone who actually knows anything about guitars could figure that out."

 

"I paid about $175 for this guitar.... I was thinking of getting it rebraced. I has ladder bracing but I thought I'd have it cross braced"

 

"The wood, over time, the sap in the wood crystalizes"

 

"If you think of the acoustic properties of sap versus crystal, you don't have to make too much of a leap"

 

"Don't go to Target and spend $200 for something that is made out of, like, cardboard"

 

"Don't get a Kay, some of the old ones are out there, and they are still crap"

 

"You need vice grips to turn the tuning pegs on this one... other than that, they are great... buy them!"

 

"The action on this one is real low. That's not normal. Or maybe it is normal. I don't know. But you can have that fixed"

 

"The cheap guitars go out of tune and makes you want to pound your head against the wall. But this one stayed in tune. I think it is in tune. I don't know I don't have a tuner"

 

The Moron Reviews a Marshall Acoustic Amp

 

"The things I don't like about this amp are kinda dumb really."

 

"The chorus and reverb are just extra knobs that I dont' care about"

 

"Let's crank it up shall we? <feeback> Oooooh! What do we have here???? <more feedback> Well... ummm... wow... that's not nice! It appears that at high volume, it feedback more than you probably want it to. Wow I didn't really expect it to feedback like that when I cranked it up so I don't know what to say."

 

I have to stop now I think I peed myself. [lol]

 

A few years ago I'd say this guy had a shot at being President of the United States!

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Haha!!

"You can smell the laquer on it...... it was made...... uh, fairly recently"

"I play pretty much just chords..... I just don't think it sounds that good"

 

Gee, I wonder why that is [biggrin]

Thanks for the laugh Doug!

Gearwire needs to find a better reviewer. Seriously.

Lastly, I don't trust anyone who has no lips [biggrin]

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Yah...I have seen that guy before. What a moron! He goes between "Dumb and Dumber" funny to really pathetic. With the Marshall acoustic amp...I don't care what acoustic amp you use if you crank the volume up to max sitting 2 feet away it will feedback. His expression at the feedback shows that his brain is defective and the amp is fine.

 

I would guess Marshall could file a law suit against the guy, but these days stupidity doesn't seem to be against the law! Back in the old days a guy like that would have eventually been shot, everyone would toast the shooter and no one would have to suffer his drivel any longer.

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Doug, your parody review is the Blues King link?

 

Yeah. I did that parody video over a year ago when I first saw this dipstick's review of the Blues King. I just recently looked at his GW review again and spent an hour today watching all his other "reviews". OMG I've had tears streaming down my face today! [lol] I only put a few of his amazingly stupid comments in the post above. What is amazing is he claims to "open for other acts" in large venues. He can't play more than three chords... and badly at that!

 

This guy make Karl Pilkington seem like a genius! (seeThe Ricky Gervais Show)

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Yah...I have seen that guy before. What a moron! He goes between "Dumb and Dumber" funny to really pathetic. With the Marshall acoustic amp...I don't care what acoustic amp you use if you crank the volume up to max sitting 2 feet away it will feedback. His expression at the feedback shows that his brain is defective and the amp is fine.

 

I would guess Marshall could file a law suit against the guy, but these days stupidity doesn't seem to be against the law! Back in the old days a guy like that would have eventually been shot, everyone would toast the shooter and no one would have to suffer his drivel any longer.

 

Oh I wouldn't have him shot! He's provided me with a wonderful afternoon of laughter so much so that my sides hurt. It looks like he's not doing review anymore as there doesn't seem to be anything recent on the website. Too bad. Perhaps he's busy touring with his marvelous rendition of "My Lips Are Thin" (Am -> E -> Am -> repeat 32 bars).

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I've never really heard of a guitar being positively compared to a model ship before....

 

He also has the Michelle Bachmann "I'm-going-to-talk-to-the-wrong-camera"-thing going.

 

I always think the "reviews" at Harmony Central are hilarious, but my worry is that somebody who doesn't know better might discover this guy and put some stock in his views. That would be scary.

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Three days after I heard his BK review I bought my Blues King. I know what I like and want. A person should be a reasonably good guitar player to review guitars. Flatpick, fingerstyle, strum. The guys just strums a couple of cords (and not that well) and talks a lot. Weak reviews indeed.

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