charlie brown Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 It may be just "me"...but, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find people I can play music with, over an extended period of time, without some sort of constant ego, or drama problems. Had an incident, this past weekend, that just about "tore it," for me. I won't go into details, but suffice to say, it was not a respectful situation, all around. I'm really having second thoughts, about playing out, with this bunch, again. It was not my regular band, who I DO get along with, very well, but people I have played with, before. It had a couple of years, since we did this type of gig, and I'd (almost) forgotten, how "weird," it could get. Dazed, and confused!! CB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artie Owl Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 I've never really been in a band, in Junior high when I had literally just picked up the guitar and had no lessons my friends in my neighbours basement tried to put together a cover band and they moved me from guitar to drums to singing to not calling me anymore. I felt bad and was upset with them and it seemed like a big deal back then. I'm since over it and still hang out with a couple of them. From that experience I would say it's easier to play with people who aren't your friends so walking away becomes easier. Then again, it really wasn't a true "band" experience so I can't offer much advice or info other than my little story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveinspain Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Band drama is not cool... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davidl Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 I don't think it has to be in a band evironment specifically. I've improved by leaps and bounds over the past year and a half for various reasons. One of which is lessons. I just find that as I've improved, my ear has improved as well as my timing. I have a blast playing with people that are more advanced than myself but I'm starting to get too picky when just jamming with my old jamming buddy. He has been playing steady for the past 30 odd years or so but he probably plays just a little bit better than he did way back when. I still have fun with him but I feel like a snot sometimes. Everyone I played with in my younger years seem to have stagnated except my brother who is a damn fine bassist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie brown Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 Well, I think my "age" is catching up with me, on some level. I'm simply not eager or willing, to put up with some things, I might have ignored, or at least grudgingly tolerated, in my much younger years. So, it might well BE "me?!" LOL Still, this last situation, was a very unwelcome reminder, of how rude, and unthoughtful, some folks are, or are getting. Ironically, it wasn't even me, that was the focus, of this behavior. But, some of the other players, that were invited. It was more in subtle things, too...not outright obvious things. But, several mentioned it, to me, as well as what I had already noticed. So...??? It's so hard, to find decent folks to jam with, much less be in a band with, out here, in "the sticks!" I guess, that makes it all the more depressing, when this sort of thing happens. CB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigKahune Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 . Sorry to hear that CB. Man, I'm glad I'm not dealing with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie brown Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 There IS something, for some, that the more accomplished, one gets, the less patience, for mediocre, that's allowed. Still, in this case, at least, the more accomplished players, were...for the most part, the more patient/forgiving, too. But, One less than patient person, actually reached up, and turned down, one of the guitar player's amps, behind his back. And, that guitar player's volume, was fine, before. Plus, he's a decent player, as well. It's very childish behavior, from folks that are decades past, childhood, or even adolescence. Another, adjusted the PA, to where his mic sounded good, full and a little "wet," and the rest were dull and lifeless. Just not a good environment, to make good music. CB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G McBride Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Really doesn't sound like a band, sounds like you were back up for a Star. I understand about not being tolerant of some things any more. If you don't have to put up with things you just don't want to any more. I have not played out for many years and don't miss any of the drama but I do miss the fun of entertaining people. Good luck with your future endeavors. Gill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rct Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 I have not played out for many years and don't miss any of the drama but I do miss the fun of entertaining people. Same here, about...8 years now. I don't miss it one bit, but I do miss using all my stuff all the time and having a great time. Don't get as much time with my guitars, but I'll take less time over time wasted with all the schoolgirl* crap in bands all my life. rct *No offense to any schoolgirls that post here or their parents. No schoolgirls were harmed in the making of this post. It's just a word** that old fux use. Still. **edited to fix this. yeesh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie brown Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 Really doesn't sound like a band, sounds like you were back up for a Star.I understand about not being tolerant of some things any more. If you don't have to put up with things you just don't want to any more. I have not played out for many years and don't miss any of the drama but I do miss the fun of entertaining people. Good luck with your future endeavors. Gill LOL...I think, maybe, you nailed it! I'd heard rumors, of such, with this one guy, in particular, but really hadn't seen that, in such a manner, until last weekend. Well, "C'est La Vie," as they say. Finding someone you can play music with, can be harder than finding a mate....as someone said. CB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swleary Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 it's really all about connection. If you all can leave the drama and the ego's at the door then shouldn't be too bad. I haven't played out in years however my buddy and I get together once in a while to jam and exchange ideas. Even talked about doing some acoustic gigs together. Him and I share not only a musical friendship but a personal friendship. Thats very rare to find IMO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duane v Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 It's strange, but I find it much easier now then when I was in my teens and early 20's...... I find it easy just to go with the flow no matter the level of musicianship or the ego I am dealing with.... I know at the end of it, I don't have to invite certain people back, if I don't wanna jam with them anymore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie brown Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 It's strange, but I find it much easier now then when I was in my teens and early 20's...... I find it easy just to go with the flow no matter the level of musicianship or the ego I am dealing with.... I know at the end of it, I don't have to invite certain people back, if I don't wanna jam with them anymore Yeah, Duane...until this recent incident, I'd never really had, or seen much of a problem, playing out. And honestly, I'm not sure, what happened, there...or why then? I mean, why would one invite "friends," to join in, and then make it as difficult as possible, for them to sound good/their best? CB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brundaddy Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Playing in a band isn't for everyone. There's a lot more to it than just playing your instrument. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie brown Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 Playing in a band isn't for everyone. There's a lot more to it than just playing your instrument. Agreed. The thing (here) is, this was not a formal "band," situation, but a group of like minded "friends," that got together, to play a "paying" Jam situation. So, it wasn't the result of people getting on each other's nerves, after a long time, together, or other such dynamics. This bunch, used to do this, about 2 times a month, in this same venue. No real problems, back then. I don't know...maybe it was a one time dynamic, and won't happen again? Hopefully, anyway. Because, if that becomes SOP, I'm out of there! ;>b CB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy R Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Sorry to hear that CB. I am putting together a band and the whole premise is it has to be fun. The music, the people and the project. If it isn't fun I don't want any part of it. Something that isn't fun is just work and I already have a job... I would say life is too short so why waste the time with A-Holes... Best of Luck! Andy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChanMan Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 If it isn't fun, you're doing it wrong. Words to live by. Life's too short to deal with prima donnas and drama queens. The older I get, the more apt I am to flush and refill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookieman15061 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Yeah CB I think the key now for me at 51 is to do it for the pure joy of it. If it's not fun and enjoyable I move on. Life's too short to be stuck playing with Primadonnas and Jagoffs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie brown Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 Yeah, good words, all. Thanks, for your thoughts, and ideas. At 61, I don't need this kind of thing, either. Frankly, I was surprised, that kind of behavior, was even a factor, anymore...at their age. They are younger, than I, but only by 2-5 years, mostly. I would say, that drinking might have been a factor, BUT...most of this happened, before there was much of that. So...??? CB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enmitygauged Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 So far the band I started has had three drummers. it wasnt as if they didnt like the music it was just laziness. only the current drummer actually turned up for a rehearsal. I have 8 gigs ready to go once we get some original songs and have them tight. As a musician I live to play my own stuff or indeed original stuff the band has collaborated on. So tired of people saying yes I am so keen to be in a band and then not even turn up or cancel at the last minute. We are all well except me taught and trained musicians and without exception I managed to land a guitarist who I **** you not is the best guitarist I have ever seen and still try finding a committed drummer. --__-- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie brown Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 Well, I hope you (eventually) find a great drummer, that's on the same page, musically, and enthusiam/commitment wise. CB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Farnsbarns Wunterslausche Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Drummers are hard to find, never found a decent one who's in a position to join a band yet. IMO all the drummers I find who are available all play too loud with no feel and ridiculously simple rhythms. Since I am in the process of putting a band together (got two guitars, bass, and a voice so far) I would really like to find a drummer with some feel. I'm thinking Mitch Mitchel type drumming with that New Orleans Jazz influence. Anyone know anyone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damian Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Wow.........Interesting...... I retired from EVERYTHING in 2006.....I'm still recovering from back to back nervous breakdowns...... All my spare time is spent on music, art, and law........No more gigs....I'm still getting my chops back.. If all goes well, I MIGHT gig a bit again in about a year....I don't "classify" my skill level, except; I attend the Portland OR Blues Fest each year...As long as I'm ' as good or better ' than 80% of all the geetar players each year there, I feel comfortable...................( and I do)....... There's all this talk about how it has to be fun, fun, fun.....I agree, but I value my time; As such, regardless of a band's skill level I might work with, it's gotta be darn good, real darn good, and all original.....But that's just me...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie brown Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 Part of the problem here, for me, anyway...is, that most of the bands around here play mostly covers...some "original" material (usuall "red dirt" type songs), but they all play the same covers, that they've played, for 40 years. I guess I'm "Desperately Seeking Susan," here...wanting a female lead singer, so if/when "we" do cover material, it's NOT the "Same old, Same old," but stuff that no one else (around here, anyway) does. Man, I thought finding like minded musician's, was tough, here...but, finding a decent female vocalist, seems darn near impossible. And, the resistance, by other (male) band members (rolling eyes, groans, to all out hostility), to having a "chick singer," is formitable, to say the least. That's just Amazing, to me...in this day and age. I think folks were more open, to that, here, in the 60's, than they "Seem to be," now. Maybe, they've all just had terrible experiences, with female singers/players, in the past??? I don't know. But..I never had that reaction, in L.A. Just the opposit, in fact. Still, it's a very different culture, out here...than even what it was, when I grew up here, in the 50's & 60's. But, I'm not giving up...even if I have to start a completely differnet band, to do it. ;>b CB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LPguitarman Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Hey CB, I know what you're talking about. My sons' are still trying to get their band together. The drummer has been a real "Control Freak" ever since he joined them. They finally found a singer, that looks like he will fit in, and he has a drummer friend. The new drummer came over yesterday for a try-out. Needs work, but looks like it will work out. I'm hoping this all works out and they can get rid of the "Controlling" drummer. By the way, the original drummer was also their singer, so now they have a front man and a new drummer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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