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and that's how the fight started...

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One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as A Christmas gift...


The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.


When she asked me why, I replied,


"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"


And that's how the fight started.....

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My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,


"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'


I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."


And then the fight started...

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My 8.9 month pregnant wife said to me in a tearful tone, "Honey, I look fat!" [crying] [crying] [crying]


I replied, "Babe, you're supposed to, you're carrying our child." [wub][biggrin]




That's when the fight started. [angry]



Would that this was a made up story. [blush]




Pay attention my unattached, fine, young, padawans. When a woman makes a self deprecating remark she is fishing for a compliment. This is the ONE time you had better not agree with her.

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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, and made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.


I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."


My loving wife of 9 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"


And that's how the fight started....

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A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO

paperwork and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where

skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.


He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes,

attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist

prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.


When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had

obtained a score of 150%.


Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying,

"I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I

wonder if there is an error in the grade."


The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart

perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark."


"You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is worth 50% of

the mark."


After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because

you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my

entire career."

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her school Reunion and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.


I asked her, "Do you know him?"


"Yes", she sighed,


"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since."


"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"


And then the fight started...

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Guest farnsbarns

A Black guy, a Communist and a Muslim all walk into a bar.


The Bartender says, "What would you like to drink, Mr. President?"




And THAT'S when the fight started!


oooh, this ones gonna get locked.

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My Wife found a new facial mud-mask product that she wanted to try out.

So, she went thru all the preps, and applied the product.

I had my doubts, but will have to admit, the Stuff WORKS! She looked

absolutely GREAT for about 30 minutes.


Then the Mud fell off.

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