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Paul Kossoff LP Standard


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I don't really have a problem with the guitar or the price. If that's your thing jump on it. I'm just a little sick of the lack of imagination involved in making the 200th 1959 Les Paul reissue.... this time with a tasteful burst and for $5000 more we'll scratch it for you. Just not my thing.

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Given that distressing guitars now seem to be an expensive ( and hence I assume well paid) operation, I would like to offer my resume for the post of chief guitar distresser at Gibson . Among my qualifications are:


1. a unique ability to improperly fasten case latches after a gig, resulting in either an immediate fall onto a wet gritty pavement, or instruments sliding out of their cases on the way home, and spending 300 miles rubbing against various metal surfaces in the back of the van.


2 I own a fine collection of guitar stands with toxic Chinese rubber parts that are guaranteed to cause interesting discolorations and finish loss.


3. Because of the above, I often chose to lean instruments on the wall instead of putting them in stands. Once in this position, my highly trained cats will immediately knock an instrument to the ground, scratch the instrument and sometimes throw up a hairball on the prone and defenseless guitar.


4. While I no longer smoke, I was an expert at impaling a lit cigarette on an uncut string end, and forgetting about it, causing interesting and very desirable burn marks on headstock. I am confident this skill can be re-learned if necessary.


5. My sweat appears to have an almost unique ability to remove gold plating after only a few hours playing.


6. Living in Oklahoma, I have a varied collection of belt buckles that produce unique patterns of depressions and gouges in the back of instruments (guaranteed no two patterns alike!) I also own a substantial collection of straps with at least one elongated and widened hole that result in random drops and desirable patches of cracked finish on instrument edges


7. I have on at least one occasion left a Strat in the trunk of a car for two weeks of Oklahoma summer, resulting in desirable finish checking and some less desirable alterations to the glue joint between fingerboard and neck. I have also driven off from a gig while leaving at least one instrument either on the pavement, or on the roof of the van. (While I have yet to actually back over an instrument in these circumstances, I have several friends who are skilled in this area if needed).


If there is any forum member better qualified to do final finish on the new distressed gibsons, please step up!

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