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Guitar player jokes.......


onewilyfool

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Q: How many bluegrass players does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: None. They won't touch anything electric.

 

Q: How do you make a banjo players car more aerodynamic?

 

A: Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof.

 

Q: How do you get an musician off your front step ?

 

A: Pay for the pizza.

 

Q: How do you get an electric guitarist to turn down his amp ?

 

A: Put a piece of sheet music in front of him.

 

 

A one time musician reaches adulthood...it does happen...gives up the rock and roll life style and marries. He gets the mortgage and the kid. The child reaches his teenage years and hearing of Dad's youthful adventures decides that he too would like to become a musician.

 

Dad says, "Okay, but you must do this properly and take lessons on the instrument. What do you want to play?"

 

Junior replies, "I want to be a bass player."

 

"Fine," says the proud Dad and he goes out and buys a Junior a bass and amp and arranges for the lessons. Junior returns from his first lesson and Dad asks how it went. "Great!" says the lad,"I learned all the notes on the E string." "Terrific!", Dad replies.

 

The next week Junior returns from the 2nd lesson. Dad asks again how it went. "Cool", says Junior, "I learned all the notes on the A string." "Good progress," smile Dad.

 

The next week Dad comes home to find Junior sitting with his Nintendo. "Hey, I thought you had a bass lesson today. " Junior looks up and says, "Yeah, but I blew it off, I've got a gig."

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A one time musician reaches adulthood...it does happen...gives up the rock and roll life style and marries. He gets the mortgage and the kid. The child reaches his teenage years and hearing of Dad's youthful adventures decides that he too would like to become a musician.

 

Dad says, "Okay, but you must do this properly and take lessons on the instrument. What do you want to play?"

 

Junior replies, "I want to be a bass player."

 

"Fine," says the proud Dad and he goes out and buys a Junior a bass and amp and arranges for the lessons. Junior returns from his first lesson and Dad asks how it went. "Great!" says the lad,"I learned all the notes on the E string." "Terrific!", Dad replies.

 

The next week Junior returns from the 2nd lesson. Dad asks again how it went. "Cool", says Junior, "I learned all the notes on the A string." "Good progress," smile Dad.

 

The next week Dad comes home to find Junior sitting with his Nintendo. "Hey, I thought you had a bass lesson today. " Junior looks up and says, "Yeah, but I blew it off, I've got a gig."

 

The way I heard this one was slightly refined from your version, OWF.

 

In the one I heard, when junior comes home from what pop thinks is his fourth bass lesson, he enquires: "Son, I thought you had a bass lesson today?!?"

 

Whereupon junior informs him, "Sorry, dad, I'm DONE with lessons -- I've got a gig with a country band!"

 

A great joke, nevertheless!

 

Fred

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Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Fifty. One to change the bulb and the other 49 to complain about how they could have done it better.

 

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Twenty. One to change the bulb and the other 19 to fend off the guitarists struggling to get into the newly-created spotlight.

 

Q: What's the definition of a minor second?

A: Two guitarists playing in unison.

 

Q: How can you tell when there's a drummer at your front door?

A: The knock speeds up.

 

Q: How can you tell when there's a soprano at the front door?

A: She can't find the key and she doesn't know when to come in ...

 

Q: What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?

A: Nobody cries when you cut up a banjo.

 

Q: What's the difference between a blues guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

A: Well, a blues guitarist plays 4 chords for thousands of people ...

 

Russ

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A guy walks into a shop and asks for a 50 watt Marshall amplifier and a Fender Stratocaster guitar.

 

The shop owner says "Excuse me sir, but you're a drummer aren't you?".

 

The man says "Well, yes.....but how could you tell?".

 

"Well this is a launderette" says the shop owner.

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True story, overheard 20 years ago on the edge of dispute between a trumpet player and a guitarist:

 

Trumpet player: Yeah, well, you can't read music.

Guitarist: Well, you can't read tab. You might drink it, but you can't read it!

 

Russ

 

 

I'd think trumpet music would be relatively easy to read...one note at a time....on a guitar you have to play up to 6 notes at once!

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What kind of calendar does an accordion player use for his gigs?

"Year-at-a-Glance."

 

What's the definition of a gentleman?

Someone who knows how to play the accordion and doesn't.

 

What's the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?

You should take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.

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My personal favorite, swiped from another forum and edited a bit -

 

A lady goes to her doctor because she just doesn't feel well. They run many tests, and the lady is summoned to the office for a consultation afterward, which goes something like this -

 

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but you have about six months to live."

 

"Six months! That's not long at all - what should I do?"

 

"I would recommend that you find and marry an acoustic finger-style guitarist."

 

"How would that help?"

 

"Well, it wouldn't have any effect on the course of your illness - but it WOULD make those six months seem like all eternity."

 

(obligatory rim shot - see, we do occasionally sorta need a drummer ...)

 

Russ

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Too funny!

 

Do you know the best sound a banjo ever makes? When it hits the bottom of the dumpster :-)

 

There was a guy on the way home from a gig who decided to stop at the local watering hole on the way home. He pulled up and went inside and ordered up. He was half way through his second cold one when he realized he had left his truck unlocked with his banjo sitting in plain view on the seat. He ran outside in a blind panic to lock the truck. When he got to his truck he was too late...sure enough, there were already two more banjos sitting next to his on the seat :-)

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A farmer's daughter comes running into the house and says: "Pa, there's a traveling band coming down the road!"

Her father replies: "Honey, to protect your virtue, you best lock yourself up in your room.

The daughter says: "But, there's even a banjo player!"

The farmer replies: "In that case, you better take the dog with you."

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A guy walks into a store and says, "I need to buy a set of strings." The guy behind the counter says, "You must be a banjo player." "That's amazing!" says the customer. "Could you tell that I am banjo player just by looking at me?" "No", said the guy behind the counter, "This is a shoe store."

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A drummer and a bass player are walking along a beach in California. They find an old bottle in the sand and when they open it a genie appears.

The genie says: “I am a great and powerful genie, for releasing me after 1,000 years of captivity; I will grant you any wish you desire.”

The drummer and the bass player talk it over and the drummer says: “Well, our band is going on a European tour and we are both afraid of flying. So, can you build us a bridge from here to France? This way, we can drive there.”

The genie thinks about it for a minute and says: “Just think of the logistics involved, all that steel and concrete that needs to be used for the construction of such a long bridge. Think of all the cities it has to be routed around. I have to build it over mountains and across the sea. I’m sorry, but such a thing is impossible, even for a great genie like me. Since I can’t grant you this wish, I will give you two wishes instead of one.

Once again, the drummer and bass player talk it over and the drummer tells the genie: “Ok, since we are both getting tired of traveling with the band and dread flying to Europe, we would like to change careers. Can you make me smart enough to be a lawyer and my friend smart enough to be a doctor?”

The genie thinks this over long and hard and replies: “So, would you like lights on that bridge?”

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Whats the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

 

You only have to punch the info into a drum machine once.

 

Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in the car?

 

Took him 4 hours to get the bass player out.

 

AND....

 

After spending 3.9 hours searching for a coat hanger to pop the lock,he tossed it into the glove box so he'd have it the next time he locked himself out.

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