onewilyfool Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Two old friends meet in Heaven......... SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanvillRob Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 HAHAHAHA!! Reminds me of the story, (and I don't know why), of the very rich couple who walks into a bar..... walk up to the bar and the man orderd he and his wfe both a champaign cocktail. A drunk sitting on the bar stool next to them raises up on one cheek and cuts a big one! The husband raises himself up tall and says, "How DARE your flatulate before my wife!" The drunk says, "I'm sorry....I didn't know it was her turn." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojorule Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 HAHAHAHA!! Reminds me of the story, (and I don't know why), of the very rich couple who walks into a bar..... walk up to the bar and the man orderd he and his wfe both a champaign cocktail. A drunk sitting on the bar stool next to them raises up on one cheek and cuts a big one! The husband raises himself up tall and says, "How DARE your flatulate before my wife!" The drunk says, "I'm sorry....I didn't know it was her turn." Aha, his ARS was loud too - see the post on Gibson and Rosewood for more details. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gearbasher Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Pretty good...I will use it. And, it reminds me of this one: Three guys die in an accident and are sent to heaven. At the gates, Saint Peter asks the first man: "Have you ever cheated on your wife?" The man replies: "In all my years of marriage, I have always been faithful to my wife! I never even dreamt of cheating on her!" Saint Peter says: "For being so faithful, you can have this to drive in heaven for all eternity." And he gives the man a brand new Rolls Royce. Saint Peter asks the second man: "Have you ever been unfaithful to your wife?" The second guy answers: "Well, I'm a traveling salesman and, during one extremely long road trip, I did cheat on my wife. But in over 30 years of marriage it was the one and only time." Saint Peter says: "OK, since you were unfaithful once, you get this car to drive for all eternity." And the man is given a 10 year old BMW. Saint Peter asks the last man: "Have you ever cheated on you wife?" The last man replies: "Are you kidding me? I cheated on her every chance I got! I don't think a week went by that I wasn't out with another woman! So, Saint Peter says: "For being so unfaithful, you will spent all eternity driving this." The last man is given a beat-up, rust-bucket AMC Pacer. A few weeks go by and the man with the Pacer runs into the guy with the Rolls. He's sitting behind the wheel of his Rolls and tears are running down his face. The man in the Pacer says: "What do you have to cry about. You have that beautiful car. I'm the one who should be crying." The guy in Rolls says: "I'm crying because I just saw my wife and she's on roller skates." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanvillRob Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Aha, his ARS was loud too - see the post on Gibson and Rosewood for more details. I hadn't read that thread...and couldn't figure out it got from Rosewood to Flatulence....but(t) it did! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j45nick Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I hadn't read that thread...and couldn't figure out it got from Rosewood to Flatulence....but(t) it did! It all eventually gets to flatulence. It's part of growing old........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murph Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 A lady walking sees 2 guys and a dog playing cards. "Wow", she said, "I've never seen a dog play cards before. That must be a very smart dog!" "He's not so smart." says one of the men. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blindboygrunt Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I hadn't read that thread...and couldn't figure out it got from Rosewood to Flatulence....but(t) it did! at least it just 'ended up' with flatulence, some threads start with it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanvillRob Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 A lady walking sees 2 guys and a dog playing cards. "Wow", she said, "I've never seen a dog play cards before. That must be a very smart dog!" "He's not so smart." says one of the men. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail." Guy walks into a bar with a dog.... Bartender says "You can't bring a dog in here." Guy says, "This is a talking dog." Bartender says, "yeah, sure....get him out of here." Guy says, I'll bet you $10 he can talk." Bartender says, "You're on." Guy asks the dog, "Who's the greatest baseball player ever?" Dog says, "Roof" Guy says, "See? He said Ruth!" So he asks, "How does sandpaper feel?" Dog says "Roof" Guy says, "See? He said ruff!" Bartender comes out from behind the bar and throws them both out on the street. Guy's lying there and says to the dog...."Why such lame answers?" Dog says, "What do you expect for $10, Shakespeare?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojorule Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 at least it just 'ended up' with flatulence, some threads start with it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVh0Iq_85aw&feature=related Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanvillRob Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 Woman walks into a bar with a chickern under her arm. Bartender says, "You can't bring a pig into the bar." Woman says, "That's not a pig, it's a chicken." Bartender says, "I was talking to the chicken!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onewilyfool Posted March 22, 2012 Author Share Posted March 22, 2012 A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer. The Barkeep gives him his beer, and while wiping down the bar, asks the horse, " Why the long face?".........chika bump..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pfox14 Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 A guy walks into a doctors office with a duck on his head and the doctor says, "Can I help you?" and the duck says, "Yeah, get this guy off my a$$." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gearbasher Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar and the bartender says: "Is this some kind of a joke?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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